By Ana Iñigo Olea
“I felt nothing up there.” Those were the words a friend shared with me once. He was referring to the podium where he had received a long-pursued award in a competition that would catapult his career to new heights. These words stuck with me, making me wonder about the relationship between achieving our goals and the satisfaction we expect them to bring. I refused to believe that achievement and fulfilment could not exist side by side.
For a while, I guess I could say I was almost afraid of success, the kind others praise you for. Instead, I focused on how I felt about everything I did, made, painted, and chose to draw for the little girl I carry inside me. She’s demanding, but sees beauty in the little things. She knows my truth before I do.
I invited art to walk with me along a side path, celebrating every little step along the way. The little girl and I were both proud. I chose to set achievable goals, like arranging exhibitions in familiar places where people had already welcomed me for who I was and embraced my creations as an extension of myself. A new identity was beginning to take shape: the artist. Though attendance was sparse and the impact subtle, the sense of growth was there; every manageable goal required just the right amount of effort, and I didn’t feel spent when crossing the finish line. With a peaceful heart and a smile on my face, I proceeded to move forward to a rhythm that felt right for me. More than climbing mountains, I was hiking hills; the view was gorgeous, with time for coffee, contemplation and the occasional pop of a bottle filled with sparkling joy. I was building my own empire, pocket-sized.
As my own sense of sovereignty awakened, I felt ready to solidify and document my achievements. I looked at my hands, filled with creations and the memories attached to them, and realised: there is a book here. For a couple of years, art, taking the shape of a manuscript, quietly accompanied me to cafés, bars, restaurants, cinemas, theatres, and concerts. This manuscript was the best of companions. I had a partner, a driving force; it filled my mind with ideas. “How wonderful it is to have a hobby,” some have told me. If only they knew how marvellous it feels to take your time, not to rush, and to obsess just enough, they would understand that it is not a hobby; it is a life project.
Now I’m running a crowdfunding campaign on Publishizer, and I’m loving every minute of it. The digital world is not my natural environment, yet here I am, learning how to thrive and appreciate the beauty beyond the zeros and ones. I’m walking the path slowly, making stops along the way, shaping a life of my own, like a painting slowly revealing itself. I look at my medals, the ones I have awarded myself with every step along the way: when I first took a brush to a canvas, when I brought those first canvases to the patio so my neighbours could see them, the day I exhibited in the nearby cocktail bar where everyone knew my name, and the moment I decided to publish my website. The list keeps growing, and so does the glass cabinet in my mind displaying the prizes and awards; the celebratory moments are diverse and plentiful.
The campaign had to align with my personal interests, and it had to be fun; if I enjoyed myself, I was already winning, and there was a much higher chance that potential readers would enjoy it too. Not to imply that there’s no hard work involved; it’s simply an effort whose rewards speak louder than the sweat. Sweet, sweet sweat; how comforting it is to sleep after investing your time and energy into your dreams. It’s a pleasure to film videos, post confessions, and share behind-the-scenes details from the project that feeds my imagination, fills my agenda, and, at times, even wakes me up at the most inconvenient hours, colonising my brain with ideas and possibilities; the book is so eager to be alive that it has created a universe in which it will exist beyond its pages, and I must oblige.
Life will tell. I don’t believe in predestination, but in the value of daring to make decisions; I believe in the bold wildness of consequences. No matter how many outcomes I could imagine right now, nothing will surpass the reality of the one that is yet to unfold. I have come to realise that I am already standing on a stage, mastering the art of holding an award proudly, feeling unequivocally satisfied.
If this story resonated with you and you would like to support the project, you can preorder my book through my Publishizer campaign or learn more through my author website.
