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Deborah McPhilemy

Deborah McPhilemy

Deborah McPhilemy, founder of Teddy's Inc. is a Speaker, Author and Master Trainer of Emotional Intelligence. She is known for her passion for Self Empowerment and Social Change.

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Food, Love, Sex

Ignite Your Emotions and Heal Your Relationships

An unorthodox journey with unconventional ways to having great relationships and amazing sex.

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Mind & Body Relationships
London, United Kingdom
100,000 words
50% complete
2 publishers interested


'Finding the one’ is to be the one. It's true that fulfilling, happy, joyful, connected, intimate relationships exist. But it starts with having that kind of relationship with yourself first.

In her uplifting and humorous shared experiences, Deborah McPhilemy offers unconventional ways to fall in love with yourself, first. And along the way, shares how she healed her relationships through food, love and sex.  

'Food, Love, Sex' addresses the longing that exists within all of us: to have relationships that make us feel loved, happy and accepted. Relationships where we feel connected, empowered and enabled to be more of ourselves instead of less than ourselves.

A common misconception still exists that finding ‘the one’ is the answer.  That there is one person out there that is going to make us feel happy and loved and allow us to live ‘happily ever after.’  However, this desire and constant search believing that someone else is going to fulfill these needs is what leaves us feeling empty, unfulfilled, sexually frustrated and disillusioned when we ‘meet the one’ only to discover after a short while that we still feel the same emptiness we felt before we met who we thought was ‘the one.’  

Or, that if we manage to stay for longer than a short while, we may wake up one day and realize that we have lost ourselves, and that perhaps we are so busy trying to please our partners to ensure their love for us, that we no longer recognize who we are.

In 'Food, Love, Sex,’ Deborah McPhilemy invites readers on a personal journey to relationship discovery.  One of healing and self-love using the same processes that Deborah has used so that you too can find your way back to that magnificent Self and feel empowered to connect and re-connect with others.

Deborah always believed that the grass was greener on the other side. She went from one relationship to the next and was left feeling disillusioned, depressed, angry and sad over and over again yet not giving up, feeling deep down that the type of relationship she was desperate for, exists.

She shares how a fear of food and beliefs around food were what kept her from having a healthy relationship with her body.  Her struggles with low body-confidence and under-nourishment wreaked havoc on her health, her immune system and her hormones.  And that her own perception of love created a sense of desperation leading to either attracting unsuitable partners or pushing suitable partners away leading her to a distorted view of being a woman, of sex and feeling powerless.  

It is in special moments that we come to realize that we may value another's life and health above our own. This book asks why. And then turns our focus back onto ourselves, learning to nourish and feel grateful for our own bodies. It allows us to give ourselves the same love and attention as we did others, and then to flourish in our own self-care. 

Searching her soul and delving deep, Deborah uncovers long forgotten childhood sexual traumas, giving her the opportunity to heal from it and in so doing change the way she views herself.  She discovers that the root of her feelings of powerlessness come from the sexual trauma and that over the years, food was the only thing she had control over to either make her feel better or to punish herself. As she heals her relationship with food, she is able to nourish and love her body and as she loves her body, she embraces her sexuality and in so doing finds a way to love herself in her entirety, and in the process gives others permission to do the same. 

Deborah McPhilemy invites you to take a closer look at your own sexuality and the feelings of both pleasure and of powerlessness it renders.  



1. Time to be honest
2. Who are you
3. How do you feel about yourself

4. How perceptions of food are created
5. Food as energy
6. Food as nourishment
7. Food as an addiction
8. The power of food and the control it gives us
9. Breaking the bond of Emotional Eating
10. Using food as a means to heal your body

11. What does love mean to you
12. What makes you feel loved
13. How do you express love
14. What do you want from love
15. How to stop rejecting love
16. Loving and accepting yourself
17. Healing your broken heart

18. How do you feel about sex, what does it mean to you
19. Sex as energy
20. How sexual trauma blocks your creativity
21. Healing from sexual trauma and reconnecting to your body
22. How embracing your sexuality unleashes your authentic self
23. Connecting your mind and body to work in harmony
24. Using sex as a means to heal and to reconnect with love

Bringing it all together

25. Reclaiming your personal power
26. Falling in love again
27. Redefining relationships and reconnecting with those in your life
28. Living your life authentically and on your terms


This book is for women of any age who feel powerless.  Women who believe they have no control over their bodies, their health nor their relationships.  Single, divorced and married women who are constantly looking to others to help them to fix themselves and their lives.  Diet junkies, love junkies, therapy junkies, personal development junkies.  

The self-improvement industry is estimated to be worth $11 billion in the United States along.  Divorce rates are estimated at 42% the USA These women are always looking for the next thing, course or person to fix whatever is going on with themselves and in their lives.  Women who behind closed doors still feel like victims of their own circumstances.  Women who feel trapped in their lives, relationships and in their bodies. 

We live in an era of overwhelm, too much knowledge, too much advice from too many sources which causes confusion and self doubt.  

This book is a journey to return to Self.  A book that shows women how to tune in to know what is best for them-self.  To listen to their own inner voice and to find the courage to put themselves and their own needs first.  A process that will guide them to heal their relationships, first with themselves and then with others.  


Deborah McPhilemy's first book 'The Relationship Magnet' was groundbreaking and controversial. First published in 2006, before the release of the hit movie The Secret in South Africa and being totally unaware of the Law of Attraction, she wrote about an unconscious 'magnet', i.e. how our unconscious beliefs bring people into our lives based on what we believe, and feel, about ourselves.  Her book was not only an autobiography of her own life of relationship abuse but also a step by step guide to get out of, and to avoid, abusive relationships.  The media loved her story and featured her regularly on TV, on radio, in magazines and in the press. Organisations started inviting her to talk at their events which subsequently led her to becoming a Speaker and an advocate for women and children.

Prior to writing The Relationship Magnet, Deborah discovered that the gateway to the mind and unconscious beliefs was through our emotions.  She found a book called Emotional Intelligence Workbook and after pleading with the authors to run a Train the Trainer course, she became one of South Africa's first ever commercial Emotional Intelligence Trainers.

Her desire to get to the root of relationship problems and to empower people with the skills they need to have successful relationships and to deal with adversity, led her to conclude that children needed to be empowered.  This led her to write Emotional Intelligence in a Nutshell for Parents and Teachers and  The Bears of Blueberry Forest EQ Series for Kids and to start her training company Teddy's Inc. EQ for Kids.


Deborah has an existing audience of followers.  A mailing list of 1200, a Facebook following of more than 7000.  Currently she is on tour doing various talks around South Africa with 11 talks booked in four different regions.  She runs regular Facebook Lives and Webinars.  She has a YouTube channel that she regularly posts content onto, utilizes Twitter, Pinterest and Instagram and is a member of many Facebook groups totaling more than 75 000 members.  She plans on promoting her new book to all of the above. She is also an experienced speaker and has been featured on TV, Radio and blog posts, all of whom will be contacted to create awareness of this book.


  • You Can Heal Your Life by Louise L. Hay, Hay House (January 1, 1984). 

Louise Hay, her key message is: "If we are willing to do the mental work, almost anything can be healed." The author has a great deal of experience and firsthand information to share about healing, including how she cured herself after being diagnosed with cancer.

  • Love Yourself, Heal Your Life by Louise L. Hay. Hay House; (May 1, 1990).

The Love Yourself, Heal Your Life Workbook directly applies Louise’s techniques of self-love and positive thinking to a wide range of topics that affect us all on a daily basis, including: health, fears and phobias, sex, self-esteem, money and prosperity, friendship, addictive behavior, work, and intimacy. 

  • Eat Pray Love by Elizabeth Gilbert, Riverhead Books (January 30, 2007).

This wise and rapturous book is the story of how she left behind all these outward marks of success, and set out to explore three different aspects of her nature, against the backdrop of three different cultures: pleasure in Italy, devotion in India, and on the Indonesian island of Bali, a balance between worldly enjoyment and divine transcendence.

  • Spirit Junkie, A radical road to discovering self-love and miracles by Gabrielle Bernstein, Hay House (October 1, 2011).

In this hip self-transformational book, Bernstein shows how to make happiness a way of life and shares the life-changing lessons that she has lived and learned in the hope that other young women will be guided to do the same.

  • How Your Mind Can Heal Your Body by David R Hamilton, Hay House (February 1, 2010).

The connection between your mind and body is close, powerful, and often a valuable tool in taking control of your life and ambitions. The power of thought can affect you in profound ways, particularly in regards to its truly incredible effect on your health, explored in detail within these pages.

  • You The Healer by Jose Silva, HJ Kramer/New World Library; (May 12, 2011).

Mind-body medicine is a very big topic for the new millennium. You the Healer offers a guide that can help you and your loved ones to live a healthy, disease-free life.



It was a day I will never ever forget, never before had I felt so weak, so utterly powerless, unable to change my circumstances.  I had been in powerless positions before but for some reason this felt worse, I did not know what to do.  My mind was not working properly, I hadn’t slept in weeks, I felt weak, shaky, at the point of total despair.  Unable to hold my body up for fear of falling over, I was standing in a corner in the kitchen, holding myself up, one side with the kitchen sink and the other side by the kitchen counter.  My husband was standing at the opposite side of the room, I was screaming at him ‘why won’t you help me, why don’t you care’.  Tears were streaming down my face, snot running out of my nose.  I was sobbing, my shoulders shook as each new wave of incredible despair rose up, threatening to engulf me with an emotional pain so strong, it felt unbearable.  The more I cried and screamed, the more panicked and confused my husband looked.  ‘What do you want me to do,’ he said.  ‘I have asked you time and time again to help me, I don’t know how to solve this and you have done nothing,’ I screamed.  I felt beside myself, as if I was having an out of body experience, looking down at myself and at the events unfolding.

As the sobs racked through my body, I suddenly felt a little spark of inspiration, it rose to the surface, a tiny sliver of light.  Through my wailing and crying, I heard myself say ‘I am leaving, I can no longer tolerate this.  If you cannot help me, I am going to help myself, I am going to find somewhere else to live and then I will figure it out.’  In that moment, I felt some of my strength return, for the first time in months, in fact years, I felt a sense of hope that I could find a solution to the hell on earth my life had become.  ‘I am not leaving you, I reassured my husband, I am leaving these circumstances.’  I started to calm down.  ‘But where will you go’, he asked.  ‘I don’t know,’ I said, ‘please call my daughter, she will help me to figure this out.’  In that extreme moment of despair, through a veil of tears and snot and sobbing, I had somehow found a way to taking the first step back to regaining my power, the power I felt I had lost when I had got married and when I emigrated to live with my husband.  ‘I am going to find a way to turn this around,’ I said.  Followed by a strong utterance of ‘never ever again will I allow myself to get to this state before I do something about it.’

Approximately three months before that my life had started to spiral out of control.  In all honesty it had started happening years before, but the three months prior to my breakdown were the worse and what had brought me to this point.

Four years before, I had married the love of my life.  Our love story is beautiful and unique and I will share that with you later in the book, but coming back to this moment.  Soon after falling in love and marrying the man of my dreams, I started to get ill - mentally, emotionally and physically.  My female body parts started acting up.  The more I loved and enjoyed intimacy and sex, the more my body seemed to object, my endometriosis flared up to level 4 putting me in bed for days at a time with the most excruciating pain I had ever endured, I had started to excrete blood from all my orifices, the doctors could not explain it.  I had abnormal cervical cells that needed surgical interventions.  It was non-stop.  On top of all the ‘female related health problems’ I had chest infections and bronchitis that lasted for months on end.  The more I loved my husband, the more my body seemed to object.  In a very short space of time, I had gone from a relatively healthy slim woman to being overweight with endless health issues.  I felt like my body was betraying me. 

I could deal with the physical challenges, I had experienced ill-health before and had turned it around, but what totally floored me was the sudden onset of debilitating depression.  I would find myself sitting in the bath for hours crying and weeping for no reason, it carried on until the bath water ran cold. 

I had constant back ache, body pains, it was never ending.  I discovered that I was suffering from culture shock, not only mentally but physically.  I longed for the lifestyle I had left behind, my family, my friends, the warm welcoming chattiness of South Africans, the food.  I longed for the sun, the high beautiful blue skies.  It hit me harder than I could ever comprehend.  I loved my husband so much but I felt trapped, I felt alone and I felt isolated, the worse of it all was, I felt powerless.  And, I had no idea how I was going to turn it around. 

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