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Deborah McPhilemy

Deborah McPhilemy

Deborah McPhilemy is an award winning Author, Speaker and knowledge junkie who is passionate about helping people to understand each other so they can have amazing relationships.

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Success! Food, Love, Sex sold 2 pre-orders by Aug. 14, 2018, was pitched to 33 publishers, and is in discussions with publishers.

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Food, Love, Sex

The Secret to Feeling Connected, Staying Connected and Reconnecting

An unorthodox journey with unconventional ways to having extraordinary relationships.

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Mind & Body Relationships
London, United Kingdom
100,000 words
50% complete
3 publishers interested


7 Marriage proposals, two divorces, one annulment, currently married and yet, she was still chasing greener grass!  If you ever wondered if there was a person who existed that believed that  finding 'the one' was the answer to happiness and relationship bliss, then you have found her. 

Deborah's life long journey of chasing greener grass was a  journey, she believed, to find a person. That one person who would make her feel complete; loved, accepted, cherished and happy.  But to her horror, after getting married for the fourth time to who she believed was her soul mate, she discovers after the honeymoon period wears off, that she still feels empty, disconnected, unfulfilled, incomplete and most of all, she feels trapped and powerless to change it.  

Within a few months of getting married she becomes ill and falls into a very deep dark depression.  She feels trapped, miserable and unhappy.  But after so many relationship failures, she feels compelled to stay. No matter how unhappy she feels and how much despair she sinks into, for some reason she simply cannot bring herself to leave.  A realization starts to take hold that she is searching for something that does not exist.  That 'the grass being greener on the other side' is simply an illusion.  She somehow knows on a deep cellular level that what she is looking for is within herself and not with someone else.

Desperate to feel happy, content and satisfied, she embarks on a journey of self-discovery.  She starts to recognize that feeling good in life and in relationships comes from a place of feeling connected. 

Delving deep, she discovers that the three areas in her life that make her feel the most connected are also the three areas that make her feel the least connected - food, love and sex!  She realizes that if she wants to feel content and connected in life then she needs to address the very issues that disconnect her from it.

In this uplifting and humorous book, Deborah shares how she finds her way back to herself through the most unconventional of ways.  

Through her journey she is able to heal her relationship with food and reconnect with her body.  Feeling reconnected to her body, she is able to reconnect with her sense of sexuality which awakens her femininity and to her surprise, her creativity.  She discovers who she really is and to her delight finds that she not only likes that person, but loves her too.  Feeling loved, accepted and connected, she no longer feels trapped or powerless, but instead feels incredibly free and powerful.

'Food, Love, Sex' addresses the longing that exists within all of us: to have relationships that make us feel loved, happy and accepted. Relationships where we feel connected, empowered and enabled to be more of ourselves instead of less than ourselves. 

If you too want to feel a deep sense of love and connection to yourself, to life and to others but have no idea where to start, then let Deborah and the processes in Food, Love and Sex show you the way.  

Knowing others is intelligence, knowing yourself is true wisdom, mastering others is strength, mastering yourself is true power....Lao Tzu.



A deep delve into Self

1. Time to Face it and Change it
2. Who am I? Who are you?
3. What do you really want?

Part 1 - Food
4. How perceptions of food are created
5. Food as energy
6. Food as nourishment
7. Food as an addiction
8. The power of food and the control it gives us
9. Breaking the bond of Emotional Eating
10. Using food as a means to heal

Part 2 - Love
11. What is love?
12. The meaning of love?
13. The expression of love?
14. The energy of love
15. Stop rejecting love
16. Loving and accepting what is
17. Healing a broken heart

Part 3 - Sex
18. The reason and meaning of sex
19. Sex as energy
20. How sex and creativity go hand in hand
21. Releasing sexual trauma and reconnecting to your body
22. Embracing sexuality unleashes creativity and authenticity
23. Connecting mind and body to work in harmony
24. Using sex as a means to heal and reconnect with love

Bringing it all together

25. Reclaiming your personal power
26. Falling in love again
27. Redefining relationships and reconnecting with those in your life
28. Living your life authentically and on your terms


Deborah McPhilemy's first book 'The Relationship Magnet' was groundbreaking and controversial. First published in 2006, before the release of the hit movie The Secret in South Africa and being totally unaware of the Law of Attraction, she wrote about an unconscious 'magnet', i.e. how our unconscious beliefs bring people into our lives based on what we believe, and feel, about ourselves.  Her book was not only an autobiography of her own life of relationship abuse but also a step by step guide to get out of, and to avoid, abusive relationships.  The media loved her story and featured her regularly on TV, on radio, in magazines and in the press. Organizations started inviting her to talk at their events which subsequently led her to becoming a Speaker and an advocate for women and children.

Prior to writing The Relationship Magnet, Deborah discovered that the gateway to the mind and unconscious beliefs was through emotions.  She found a book called Emotional Intelligence Workbook and after pleading with the authors to run a Train the Trainer course, she became one of South Africa's first ever commercial Emotional Intelligence Trainers.

Her desire to get to the root of relationship problems and to empower people with the skills they need to have successful relationships and to deal with adversity, led her to conclude that children needed to be empowered.  This led her to write Emotional Intelligence in a Nutshell for Parents and Teachers and  The Bears of Blueberry Forest EQ Series for Kids and to start Teddy's Inc. EQ for Kids.


Deborah has an existing audience of followers.  A mailing list of 1400, a Facebook following of more than 7000.  She runs regular Facebook Lives and Webinars.  She has a YouTube channel that she regularly posts content onto, utilizes Twitter, Pinterest and Instagram and is a member of many Facebook groups totaling more than 75 000 members.  She plans on promoting her new book to all of the above. She is also an experienced speaker and has been featured on TV, Radio and blog posts, all of whom will be contacted to create awareness of this book.


  • You Can Heal Your Life by Louise L. Hay, Hay House (January 1, 1984). 

Louise Hay, her key message is: "If we are willing to do the mental work, almost anything can be healed." The author has a great deal of experience and firsthand information to share about healing, including how she cured herself after being diagnosed with cancer.

  • Love Yourself, Heal Your Life by Louise L. Hay. Hay House; (May 1, 1990).

The Love Yourself, Heal Your Life Workbook directly applies Louise’s techniques of self-love and positive thinking to a wide range of topics that affect us all on a daily basis, including: health, fears and phobias, sex, self-esteem, money and prosperity, friendship, addictive behavior, work, and intimacy. 

  • Eat Pray Love by Elizabeth Gilbert, Riverhead Books (January 30, 2007).

This wise and rapturous book is the story of how she left behind all these outward marks of success, and set out to explore three different aspects of her nature, against the backdrop of three different cultures: pleasure in Italy, devotion in India, and on the Indonesian island of Bali, a balance between worldly enjoyment and divine transcendence.

  • Spirit Junkie, A radical road to discovering self-love and miracles by Gabrielle Bernstein, Hay House (October 1, 2011).

In this hip self-transformational book, Bernstein shows how to make happiness a way of life and shares the life-changing lessons that she has lived and learned in the hope that other young women will be guided to do the same.

  • How Your Mind Can Heal Your Body by David R Hamilton, Hay House (February 1, 2010).

The connection between your mind and body is close, powerful, and often a valuable tool in taking control of your life and ambitions. The power of thought can affect you in profound ways, particularly in regards to its truly incredible effect on your health, explored in detail within these pages.

  • You The Healer by Jose Silva, HJ Kramer/New World Library; (May 12, 2011).

Mind-body medicine is a very big topic for the new millennium. You the Healer offers a guide that can help you and your loved ones to live a healthy, disease-free life.



It was a day I will never ever forget, never before had I felt so weak, so utterly powerless, unable to change my circumstances.  I had felt powerless before, but this felt far worse because I did not know what to do.  My mind was not working properly, I hadn’t slept in weeks, I felt weak, shaky and I was at the point of total despair.  Unable to hold my body up for fear of falling over, I was standing in a corner in the kitchen holding myself up, one arm resting on the kitchen sink and the other resting on the kitchen counter.  My husband was standing at the opposite end of the room, I was screaming at him ‘why won’t you help me, why don’t you care?'  Tears were streaming down my face, snot running out of my nose.  I was sobbing, my shoulders shaking as each new wave of despair rose up, threatening to engulf me with an emotional pain so strong, it felt unbearable.  The more I cried and screamed, the more panicked and confused my husband looked.  ‘What do you want me to do,’ he said.  ‘I don’t know, that’s why I have asked you time and time again to help me, I don’t know how to solve this, and you have done nothing to help me,’ I screamed.  I felt beside myself, as if I was having an out of body experience, like I was looking down at myself and at the events unfolding and unable to stop it from happening.

Never before had I felt so lonely, so totally and utterly alone, misunderstood and lost. I had always had the ability to find a solution to any situation, but this time was different. I was in a foreign country, with no friends to turn to and with no income of my own, I had no savings. I had no idea how to change my circumstances.  Without realizing it at the time, I was having a nervous breakdown, a complete mental breakdown.  I was totally exhausted and could not think straight.  My throat felt raw from screaming and crying, my chest sore as the sobs racked through my body. Time seemed to stand still.  As a dark cloud of gloom and hopelessness descended upon me, I felt a little spark of inspiration.  It was tiny, but I felt it rising to the surface of that darkness, a tiny sliver of light, a little beam of hope.  Through my wailing and crying, I heard myself say ‘I am leaving, I can no longer tolerate this.  If you cannot help me, I am going to help myself, I am going to find somewhere else to live and then I will figure it out.’ 

In that moment, I felt some of my strength return, for the first time in months, in fact years, I felt a sense of hope that I could find a solution to the hell on earth my life had become.  ‘I am not leaving you, I reassured my husband, I am leaving these circumstances.’  I started to calm down.  ‘But where will you go’, he asked.  ‘I don’t know,’ I said, ‘please call my daughter, she will help me to figure this out.’  In that extreme moment of despair, through a veil of tears and snot and sobbing, I had somehow found a way to take the first step back to regaining my power, the power I felt I had lost when I had got married and when I emigrated to live with my husband in another country.  ‘I will find a way to turn this around,’ I said, regaining a little bit more of my power. I immediately started to feel stronger.  Who knew that by simply making a decision I was able to already feel a little better and regain some semblance of control over my life.

Approximately three months before that my life had started to spiral out of control.  In all honesty it had started happening years before, but the three months prior to my breakdown were the worse and what had brought me to this point.

Four years before, I had married the love of my life.  (Our love story is beautiful and unique and I will share that with you later in the book, but coming back to this moment.)  Soon after falling in love and marrying the man of my dreams, I started to get ill - mentally, emotionally and physically.  My female body parts started acting up.  The more I loved and enjoyed intimacy and sex, the more my body seemed to object, my endometriosis flared up to level 4 putting me in bed for days at a time with the most excruciating pain I had ever endured, I had started to excrete blood from all my orifices, the doctors could not explain it.  I had abnormal cervical cells that needed surgical interventions.  It was non-stop.  On top of all the ‘female related health problems’ I had chest infections and bronchitis that lasted for months on end.  The more I loved my husband, the more my body seemed to object.  In a very short space of time, I had gone from a relatively healthy slim woman to being overweight with endless health issues.  I felt like my body was betraying me. 

I could deal with the physical challenges, I had experienced ill-health before and had turned it around, but what totally floored me was the sudden onset of debilitating depression.  I would find myself sitting in the bath for hours crying and weeping for no reason, it carried on until the bath water ran cold. 

I had constant back ache and body pains, it was never ending.  I discovered that I was suffering from culture shock, not only mentally but physically.  I longed for the lifestyle I had left behind, my family, my friends, the warm welcoming chattiness of South Africans, the food.  I longed for the sun, the beautiful high blue skies.  It hit me harder than I could ever comprehend.  I loved my husband so much but I felt trapped, I felt alone and I felt isolated, the worse of it all was, I felt powerless.  And, I had no idea how I was going to turn it around. 

3 publishers interested
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