Chapter 1: Introduction

It does not matter what you have heard before or what you may have read before, nor does it matter who you are, where you are from or what your current situation is, all that is important for you to know is this: 'As long as you have life and breath within you, it's not over for you and it's not over for your dream.’ 

So I ask you, what is your dream? Do you even have a dream? What are you doing about your dream? Do you feel your dream slowly slipping away? Is your head constantly stuck in your hands? Or maybe night after night you are going to bed with tears in your eyes feeling stressed because you are fed up with life because you have been sucker punched with the catastrophic belief that life will never get better for you. If so, this is the book for you, why? Because I was once just like you!

In today’s society, it is very common, almost the trend for people to give up on themselves, believing they no longer have anything left to offer in this world. I have a history, many others have a history and maybe you too have one filled with pain, grief, limitations, negative experiences, failures, defeats and childhood traumas; causing you to even refuse to walk your own journey that you were born to do. Now you are burdened with fears, fear of failure, fear of success, fear of loss et cetera, but you want to break free forever. 

Have a look around and I mean take a real good look around you, have you not noticed that there are more and more people trapped in a prison of negativity rather than free in a land of positivity and possibilities. I know all this to be true because I too have been there and it is not a happy place for anybody and I am sure you can agree because you have been there yourself, or maybe, just maybe you are still there living in the midst of such a horrible experience. Yet despite it all, I believe that you can make it through all this, I did, others have and you can too. It is still possible for you to get what you want in this life. 

This book was written with one mission and one mission alone, that by the time you finish reading this book, you will firmly believe that ‘as long as you have life and breath within you, It's Not Over for you and It's Not Over for your dream.’ By the time you have read this book right the way through you will have found a true belief in yourself and you will realise that you have always had a mighty power within you even though you most likely do not know this it at this point. 

Your life is precious and my desire for you is that you do not waste it by living a life that you do not want but instead live an abundant life, living the life you want, having the lifestyle you desire as well as the money and resources you require to do whatever you like, whenever you like. 

The fact that you are alive and breathing; the fact that you have found this incredible book to read should already convince you that life is trying to tell you that it's not over. Life is not done with you yet and God is certainly not done with you yet! You still have a lot to give and much more to gain, whether or not you know it is beside the point because the truth is always going to be the truth, the challenge is getting you to accept the truth and to believe in you again. 

There is so much to learn about life and I cannot teach you everything in one book, furthermore I do not know everything for no man or woman does, however with my own story and experiences as well as that of other successful people that I mention, I can promise you that if you faithfully adhere to these 7 principles that this book teaches, it is inevitable that soon enough life will be at your command, soon enough you will have no problem stepping into your greatness and achieving ultimate success. 

So what do people mean when they say that life and their dreams are over? The interesting thing is that the word ‘Over’ in the dictionary has mostly positive nuances to its meaning. The true meaning of ‘over’ is to go ‘beyond, or to be above (in rank, authority, and power), excess’. Furthermore, it represents ‘reaching higher, going up and over no matter the obstacle that stands before you’. Finally, there is a negative nuance, which is to say that ‘something has ended, it is done and has now past'. 

Now despite the fact that there are far more positives to take from the word ‘over’ in comparison to the one negative, it is no surprise that the majority of the world, in general, focuses only on the negative. We say “It's Over for me, It's Over for my job or career, it's over for my marriage or relationship and It's over for my life, so what is the point? I’m done.” We say it, we believe it, we commit to it, repeating it daily in words and actions till we are nearing our deathbed, looking back on our whole life with regret because we know that we have not truly lived. 

This does not have to be you! Just because others have done so, does not mean you have to repeat their mistakes. If you are to repeat anything, let it be all that, which is good, noble and honourable. Repeat the lives of great men and great women who have left a legacy behind for us to pick up the baton along the line set to make the world a better place starting with ourselves. As I said before and I will continue to repeat myself without any apology, because I want you to grasp this simple truth that ‘as long as you have live and breath within you it's not over for you and it's not over for your dream.’

Let me give you an example, have you ever played a computer game before, some games you win or lose, others you complete the tasks or you die. I remember in my earlier years of life, I was addicted to games. Now each one was different, with various levels, characters, and skill-set. The one thing that was recurrent and consistent throughout all the computer games I played back then, is that when you have used up all your lives, like a cat who has 9 lives, the game was over, there was no return and you usually wind up with a screen boldly declaring “Game Over.” Why? Because you are dead! 

The difference with a game is that whilst it may be very annoying and frustrating, if you had to, you could just start all over again and do it better the next time. This is not the case with life, once your life ceases to exist, there is no coming back, therefore you only have one chance to get it right! Maybe you do wish you could live your life all over again and do the things you wish you had done, or rather undo the things you wish had not done, either way, the good news is, that because you are alive the Game of Life is not over for you yet, you still have time to learn, develop, acquire the skills and tools needed to succeed before your time is up.  One way or another, time will be up for each of us in the end. The difference is in how you will live your life from this moment onward.

It must be said that you do not have the right to commit mental, emotional or spiritual suicide. Of course it is your life and you can do as you wish, but what right does anyone have to waste a life where you can be and do so much more, especially when we know that there have been people who have had so much potential, using their talents and gifts, yet has their life cut short by some freak accident. Is it not true that if they had the life you now have the privilege of living, they would make much better use of it? The fact that you still have life should remind you that your Purpose on this earth is still yet to be accomplished.

You can find out more about discovering and fulfilling your purpose in my second book titled “It's Not Over: The 5 Golden Rules to Living Your Purpose.” Right here, right now let's focus on rebuilding you again, restoring your self-esteem, value, self-worth and helping you believe in you again to the point that you can confidently look in the mirror and say, “It's not over for me and it's not over for my dream.” 

Now let's make something clear, it is only over for those who are now in their graves; they have left the land of the living, they are no longer here, they cannot go to and fro the earth, they neither eat nor can they do the things that are becoming of us to do. 

They are gone but your still here. Therefore, whilst they no longer have a choice, you still have a choice, the question is what are you going to do about it? Will you decide that it is over for you, believing that there is nothing you can do to turn things around for yourself or will you have the self-belief, hope, courage and the necessary confidence and affirm that ‘It's Not Over for You’ so much so that you are ready to ‘Move with Action’ towards achieving your goals and living your dream. 

If you know in your heart that you are ready, stand up tall, straighten your back, hold your head up high, looking graciously and confidently in the mirror and say ‘It's Not Over for Me and It's Not Over for My Dream.” Repeat this 7 times and then move on to the next chapter. 

Chapter 6: Emotional Power

“People may hear your words, but they feel your attitude.”  John C. Maxwell

Oh, how so many people who have such amazing gifts, talents, and abilities fail to live up to the expectations of those who can see their potential, fail to succeed in life due to having no control of their emotions. If you want to experience real success in life, you must learn to control your mind and your emotions, without this skill, you will never achieve what you know you have the talent and ability to achieve. 

All throughout the world, there are people living with all sorts of negative emotions and as I said before in a previous chapter, maybe you realise that you are one of them. Suffering from anger, resentment, hatred, a lack of forgiveness, or perhaps you are dealing with shame, guilt, a sense of loss and the list goes on and on.

A few years ago, I remember watching a video of Dr. Neil Nedley of California, talking about the differences between IQ and EQ. He stated that people with high IQ’s and low EQ’s do not succeed because people can see that they have no control over their emotions. He also stated that it is the people with high EQ that succeed, not those with the high IQ. 

As you read in earlier chapters, I failed in everything mainly as a result of my own low Emotional Intelligence, I simply had no emotional power. Now I have got to the point where I have learnt to control my emotions and to make decisions based on information and facts, not on how I feel in the heat of the moment. It is ok to feel angry and even frustrated at times, because of the situation or circumstance warrants it, but what is not acceptable is for you to just jump into a rage nor is it right to just give people a piece of your mind because you feel you have the right to do so. 

The problem is not the fact that we have these emotions, we are humans and every emotion is a natural part of our make-up. At times we will feel happy or sad, at peace or angry, frustrated or delighted etc. The issue lies in our ability to react in the right manner when the negative emotions rise to the top seeking to take control of our words and actions. 

One of the greatest tragedies of life is people allowing themselves to be controlled by their emotions rather than taking control of their emotions. This is an identical trait to allowing situations and circumstances to rule your life, rather than learning to dominate and taking control, where all situations no matter how bad, become that, which serves you rather than that, which works against you. 

Growing up with a big chip on my shoulder, because my mum was in a cold war with my dad’s family, my mum did not know how to properly raise me, my earliest memory being 1 years old and the police breaking into my house to find me hiding under my bed. I remember the days when my dad uses to beat the living daylight out of me, which he called disciplined but I internalised as punishment and hatred. I also remember being in foster care for a year, living with a family that is not my own because the social services took me away from my mum, and furthermore being sexually abused by an older woman at the age of just 7 years old, which forever altered my understanding of sex. 

I am certain that you too have had to deal with some of these horrific experiences that have scarred your soul and bruised your heart, so much so that you are afraid to open up to anyone, even your spouse or partner. 

So what is it that you do to cover u all this hurt, to make it seem like you got everything together when you know deep down your on sinking sand. For me, I used to lie to everyone about everything just to make myself seem good, I would lose myself in music, films, and games, they were my friends and my companions. 

My heart and soul was completely broken and torn apart and I did not want to let anyone near it, just in case they may hurt me like other people did Does this sound like you, what are you doing to keep people away and at arms length, or are you just simply pushing people away so that you are now left alone feeling lonely and unloved, causing you to feel unloveable when in reality it is you that has pushed everyone away. Believe me when I tell you that I know what it is like to feel worthless, useless, to feel as if life is just a terrible game for people to feel misery and suffer pain. It is not the place for you to be in, do all that you can to get out as fast as you can. 

In addition to all this, I grew up very suicidal, wishing I would die, actively seeking to find the best ways to kill myself and then finding myself sitting in a tree ready to hang myself until a voice behind me as it were the voice of God saying “no.”

It is easy for some people who have no clue nor any idea to say, “who cares about your childhood, that was then, this is now, fix up, get a grip, forgive, let go, move on” etc. It is easy for people to give you orders on how you are to deal with some of the deepest issues that literally shaped the course of your life, and moulded you into the person you are now. The reality is that these things are not easy to deal with, some things take time to recover and heal from and it takes care, empathy, love and compassion to help you move to the next level of having Emotional Power. 

Never believe the lie that any and every situation can be dealt with in just five minutes, that you can just be healed within five minutes by just saying some simple mantra or affirmation. Let's be honest, if you have been burdened with something for so long, it does not just take a few minutes for it all to go away. Life just does not work that way.

Though it was a long process for me, and even now I am still dealing with a few things, I have much better control of my emotions and I am letting you know that if you have so much weighed down on your heart and soul, you too can be free with the teachings I set before you in this chapter.

Self-Love and Acceptance

Self-knowledge is essential to unleashing your inner power for ultimate success, therefore the first place I want to begin with is self-love. This is the foundation for all growth in personal development because Personal Development is the act of self-love.

So often people have grown up to hate themselves, hate who they are, hate their lives and not to mention their jobs that are only keeping them ‘Just Over Broke’. Such is a vicious cycle, because how can you enjoy life if you cannot accept nor cherish who you are. Worse than this is the fact that some people really do not know who they really are, what they really like or do not like. such as a tragedy and I know this from personal experience, but this can all be turned around with some good self-love and acceptance of the real you. 

If only you knew how great you and how special you are, how much potential you have and the mighty power that you have within, you would see yourself differently and it is inevitable that with such knowledge you would be and act differently.  

Somewhere inside you is a precious diamond in the rough, that once unearthed all will be able to see the true beauty and awesomeness that you have within you. However you must first discover who you truly are, your authentic self, then accept that the person you have discovered is truly the real you and then find your way to loving that person for he or she is you.

Acceptance is not just about taking responsibility and ownership for one's mistakes, it is also about allowing you to be free to express yourself without fear, judgment or condemnation, but embraced with love, comfort, compassion, and empathy. This is why I truly believe in Relational Power for it is an amazing attribute to life and the most successful people in life have learnt how to love, appreciate and utilise this power. 

Take some time out to get to know who you really are, not just a quiet time here and there, but a special time set apart to really get to know yourself. What do you like? What don’t you like? Are you really living the life that you want to live? Or Are you living the life others want me you to live? If you could do anything in this world, what would it be? How about, If you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go? I mean, go deep down into the depths of your heart and soul to find the real authentic you.

This process does take time because it is a process, and you may get things wrong at times or may misunderstand but if you stick with it, you will eventually see that there is an amazing being within you. He or she is in there somewhere deep inside of you and once you discover the real you and your true potential you will see that you are wonderful and most incredible indeed.

Once you have succeeded the process of finding out the real you and accepting that what you have found is the real you, then you must start the next phase of the process of getting to really like who you really are and loving this new person that you see in the mirror. 

I will be honest with you, this will be challenging for two reasons, first is that you are not used to being the real you, furthermore, it takes time to love, time to develop an understanding that deepens such love. 

The second challenge, which often is the root of your first challenge is when others who know you to be a certain way then begin to reject you because you are now unrecognisable to them. You are not the same, which is awesome but they just don’t know it yet. This is when you will naturally begin to find out who's really good for your circle of friends, whose really there for you and who is really going to help you reach the next level in life. 

Truth be told is this, those who truly love you will remain by your side and those who are not for you, they will soon find the door for themselves, don’t be sad about it, except that times can be tough and just thank God whilst moving onwards and upwards towards your greatness.

Self-Esteem & Self-Confidence

Then there are two friends called Self-Esteem and Self-Confidence. These two you will need to rebuild and develop your sense of self-worth and value. 

These two relate with each other perfectly and both are needed for your growth in personal development, both are needed in order for you to tap into that inner power that you have within. Self-Esteem is “having that confidence and satisfaction in who you are,” self-confidence is “being confident about the powers, skills, talents, and abilities that you have.” 

You see, first, you discovered who you are, then you accepted who you are and learned to love the real you. In this process, of loving the real you and taking care of yourself, you start to build self-esteem and a level of self-respect because you know that you are special and that you deserve better. As you continue your journey tapping into that inner power and discovering that you have amazing skills and abilities, you then start to develop a sense of satisfaction that builds your self-confidence. 

This is when you start to become that person who is unstoppable, whereby nothing can stand in the way of you achieving your goals and living your dream.

Forgiveness 

Forgiveness is one of the trickiest and probably the most difficult thing to deal with in our lives, simply because of what it takes to truly forgive. Let’s define the word in order to help us understand why it is so difficult for us human beings to practice.

Forgiveness is the ‘act of forgiving,’ so what does it mean to forgive? It means to ‘cease resentment against an offender’ and ‘to grant a relief’ without the offender ever earning the right to it.

Ouch! Now I know, you rolled your eyes and turned your head from this page as you read those words. Just so that you understood what I just said, I will repeat in my own words. It does not matter what the person has done to you, forgiveness is the act of letting go of all the pain and hurt that they have caused you, no more anger or resentment being expressed in thought, word or deed against them, even though they do not deserve it. 

Have you not heard of the Nelson Mandela story, being thrown into prison for decades, and yet when he was released he led one of the greatest forgiveness movements in the history of Africa, many people were touched by his outstanding example and bravery, that's why he was so inspirational.

Many people get into the trap of saying “well they don’t deserve my forgiveness” and remain stuck for years in this mode, not realising that they are the ones being punished because they are still carrying the pain, the burden and have not got to the point where they are able to move on in life.

I chose to forgive my parents, you see they loved me, they were just young and inexperienced and I chose to forgive the woman that molested me, not because they necessarily deserved it but because I wanted to be free. 

This is the thing, you think that withholding back forgiveness hurts the other person, when the reality is that your the one drinking the poison, worse yet is that you probably see that person doing better than you in life and wondering “what the hell is going on! How can they be doing so well after all the damage, hurt and pain they have caused me?” The truth is that they have moved on and I am saying to you that you should do yourself a big favour and move on, setting yourself free so that you can live your life.

There are too many people destroying themselves because they are refusing to forgive their offenders. Now when I say forgive, it does not mean that people should not do the time if they have done the crime, that's why we have the law enforcement, judges, jury and so on. What I am referring to here is for you to set your heart and soul free so that you can move on to live a better life.   

Love yourself enough to let go and move on so that you can write a new chapter in your life, one that you can be proud of, one that truly allows you to shine in this world.

Let us look at this practically, you can start with being still and meditating, examining all the events and then deciding that you will let them go and then when your at a certain point in the process, you can then pray that they will have a good life and that they will change for the better. It may be difficult at first but trust me it works!

Buddha said, “Pain is certain, suffering is optional” why? Because “the root of suffering is attachment.” “You will not be punished for your anger, you will be punished by your anger” therefore “those who are free from resentful thoughts surely find peace.”

Guilt

We have all done things in our lives that have proven to not be a wise decision, yet we have done it and therefore we destroy ourselves with guilt because we cannot let ourselves go. 

You see on the one hand we struggle to forgive others, which you read just about, on the other hand, you have guilt where we struggle to forgive ourselves for our own mistakes. Sometimes this is even harder for us to do than it is to forgive another. We are just too damn hard on ourselves, we beat ourselves up, talk to ourselves like trash and we wonder why we struggle in life. 

You got to love yourself enough to let that stuff go, you made your mistake, it happened, you cannot change it, so deal with it and move on. Otherwise, you will forever be stuck in the past and if you do that you will miss out on your present joys and fail to make the most of the future.

We could talk all day about this one simply because too often we want the world to love us, respect us, treat us kindly et cetera, yet we refuse to treat ourselves that way. I love what Lisa Nicholls said when she stated that “we give the world the best example of how to love us.” 

If you are not willing to love yourself, how can you expect others to love you? Think about that. What if someone did not forgive you for something you did, would you not desire forgiveness, sure you would, so why not forgive yourself and for the purpose of this context, why would you not extend forgiveness to someone else in need of your forgiveness also. 

Guilt is like a disease that only rots and eats away at your heart, mind, and soul. Unless you get rid of it, you will never experience true emotional power. It's like asking Superman to eat kryptonite and still expect him to be the man of steel. Surely you get my point. 

So what about the guilt you have for the offences you have done to others? Go out of your way to make amends immediately, however, I will warn you that not everyone will accept your apology or forgive your wrongs, but the important thing is that you have forgiven yourself first and now have a peace of mind because you are free. 
Remember, this is a process, not a sprint. Now to the one that is free of all these deadly attachments, Emotional Power is now at your service.

Gratitude

You can never write a book or give a speech on emotional well being and not talk about having gratitude, for it is so essential and vital to life. Gratitude is one of the greatest healers in life for in Gratitude you really get to see how blessed you truly are, no matter the circumstances you find yourself in. 

Let us try it, first, be thankful that you are still alive, second, be thankful that you still have good health. I will leave you to continue writing your list on your own. Try not to look beyond the simple things in life for in the simple things do we find the truest form of beauty. 

Right now, you are blessed with life, food, water, a home, a bed, possibly good health, you had more than enough money to buy this book, in return that your life will be transformed into the want you desire. It is good to be thankful for the things you do have and for all the blessings and miracles that take place in your life. 

Think about it, we get very upset with people who have not the manners to say thank you when we open the door for them, we even wish we never did the good deed when we let a car driver go ahead of us just to not even receive a thank you for our kindness, I mean how dare they! (Lol)

Have you ever slowed down to consider whether or not you have been thankful to God? Some of you may refer to life or the universe, but the principle is the same. Have you been thankful today, what about the sunshine that brings a smile on your face, what about the rain that waters the soil to produce the crop of foods that you need to eat on a daily basis. Literally, all over we can see the abundance of blessings we have if we just simply open our eyes. 

The secret is that when you are grateful for what you have now, no matter how apparently small, you will receive more. Ungrateful people do not get more, because they cannot appreciate what they already have, so why should they be permitted to have more. Look around you and see the people whining and complaining about everything in life, notice the negative energy that they are putting out into the world and recognize that life will just send them more of the same negative energy. To such a person, Life says, “I am not giving you anything else because you are an ungrateful brat! There are people in life hungry and starving, who are more than grateful with the smallest of blessings I give them.” 

Now let us get something clear here, there is a difference between being content and satisfied. You can be content with what you have but it doesn’t mean that you have to be satisfied, for to be satisfied is to no longer desire more in life. Every man and woman should desire to be more and to have more so that they can do more and give more. Why have less when you know you can have more, it makes no sense. However, just because you are seeking more it does not give you a license or the permission to disregard that which you already have been blessed with. 

Peace

There is a blessing that awaits all who make peace with themselves, with others and with God. Peace is possibly the greatest gift that you could ever have because to have peace, is to have true freedom. 

When you allow yourself to be set you free from your burdens; the bounties of blessings will flow into your life. Remember, Positivity will never be the result of negativity; you must sow positivity to reap positivity. Therefore in all things, seek to control your emotions and dispel all negativity, whilst feeding on all the positive energy that you can so that you can keep the peace in your heart and soul. 

Money cannot buy peace, peace has no price, the only way to peace is a clear conscience of any wrongdoing, forgiveness towards others and towards yourself, as well as gratitude and self-love. These are the things that allow you to have peace in your life. However as long as you choose to do wrong and as long as you choose not to do what you know is right, you will never have peace.

I will go as far to say that if your relationships or friendships are not giving you peace, you might want to see how peace can be applied to the relationship or you may realise that you need to make a decisive change. Even your jobs or careers, so many of you are working at jobs you hate, doing jobs that you do not even agree with because it does not harmonise with your values and your beliefs. 

My Job did not work for me, I got sick and tired of the profanity, the way the clients were mistreated and the way people were so focused on just getting the sale that they had no real care or passion for the clients except that they would be in trouble if they did not resolve the issues. Therefore I left my job to set up my own company even though it cost me £1000 to leave, but I believe that peace is far better than a troubled and unsatisfied heart. Nevertheless, seek to find peace wherever you can, peace with yourself, peace with others and peace with God and as long as you do this, you will live a great life and you will have all the power you need at your disposal to achieve your goals and live your dream.

Thoughts & Feelings

Did you know that feelings follow thoughts? In other words, if you think negatively, you will experience negative feelings and if you think positively you will feel more positive and energetic. The interesting thing is that it is far easier to think and feel negative than it is to think and feel positive. This is why in order to succeed in life you train your mind daily to ensure that your thoughts and feelings are positive. This is the reason why we first dealt with your Mental Power. 

Before I bring this chapter to a close, I wanted to challenge you to sit down with a pen and paper and write down every single negative feeling that you have and next to it write down who or what you are negative towards and why? Then when you have finished your list, go through each one and work on a solution on how you can turn that negative into a positive. If however, after practically trying to turn any of your negative points into a positive statement, and you find out that it is not going to work,  then simply find a way to eradicate the situation or at least minimise it as much as possible. Your happiness, peace, and welfare are far too important to allow anyone or anything to disturb that peace. 

Now that you know the benefits of gratitude, I also challenge you to write down every morning and every evening what you are thankful for, please try to think beyond monetary things. I use to write them down, now I just say them off the top of my head because it works for me that way, if it is better for you to do this then do so, as long as it works for you.

I believe in you and have every bit of faith that you have the courage to do this and I know you have the power and ability to start your journey of rebuilding your emotional power. Once you do this, you will have a power within that no one can stand in the way of. Now I leave this chapter with an African proverb that I heard from Les Brown, "If there is no enemy within, the enemy outside can do us no harm.”

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