I am including Chapter 2 and Chapter 6.  Please contact me if you would like the full manuscript.

CHAPTER TWO

Starving at the Banquet

Picture yourself ten years ago. Remember that kid? If you wrote a letter to that person, what advice would you give? Take a minute and think about it.

What hard-won lessons have you learned that you would love to teach your younger self? What pain could you have avoided? How could your life be better if you’d only known what to do?

I asked those questions to a group of professionals not long ago, and they were quick to respond.

“I’d save more money. I wouldn’t beat myself up over my failures. I’d get a start on my dreams a long time ago,” they said.

I was impressed by the wisdom they had gained through what must have been much struggle and heartache.

“So, are you living that wisdom now?” I asked them.

Silence.

I looked to my right, then swept back to the left.

Heads remained oddly still, and the attention that I’d held to that point seemed to melt into glazed stares.

I folded my hands together and breathed deeply.

“Why aren’t you doing these things that you obviously know are good and true?” I asked somberly.

A few moments passed.

“Because I’m stupid,” a man said.

The audience laughed.

Then he went on to add, “Dumb is uneducated, but stupid is a choice. Even though I have all this knowledge and wisdom,” he said, twirling his hands around his head. “I’m choosing not to act on it. So I must be stupid.” There were a lot of heads nodding and murmurs of, “Me, too. I’m pretty stupid, too.”

“Okay,” I said, “since stupid is a choice, what do we need to do to get un-stupid? What do we need to do today to get different results tomorrow? We must choose to go in a different direction starting right now.”

The Feast

The problem with most folks isn’t a lack of education. Most people have been through a lot. They’ve seen a lot, learned a lot. They know where to go if they have questions. They have all the tools and resources they could possibly need within arm’s reach using Uncle Google.

The problem is that they aren’t doing anything with everything.

It’s like they’re sitting at a fabulous feast, buffet tables lined in every direction, and all they need to do is pick up a plate and help themselves to the food.

But they don’t. They stand there hungry, doing nothing, complaining that there isn’t anything good on their empty plates.

If they’re not careful, they’ll starve to death.

So, when the latest, greatest guru or expert comes along and offers them a half-chewed, regurgitated bite of a cupcake, they take it and think it’s delicious and nutritious. All that amazing food is waiting, full of nutrients and flavor, but it’s easier to take the chewed-up leftovers that someone else puts on their plates than to do the work themselves.

The Three Problems and a Guy Named Tom

Eating someone else’s leftovers is not a pleasant analogy. Yet think about how often people take up someone else’s opinions instead of thinking for themselves.

And don’t think this only applies to other people.

These words are for you, my friend.

I want to tell you about a guy named Tom. He’s in his fifties and unemployed. Tom wants certainty that he’ll be able to provide for his family until the end of their lives. He’s worked in the automotive field for twenty-five years before getting laid off, and now he’s lost his confidence. He doesn’t even go on interviews anymore because he hasn’t been called back for a second interview in months. After twenty applications, Tom’s given up.

Been there?

When feeling stuck and unsuccessful, it’s paramount to first dig into the root of the problem. In Tom’s case, he needs to figure out his purpose for working and why he wants a job so badly. He isn’t going to be motivated to find work unless he has a reason that fires him up every day!

Providing for his family is a motivating reason, but right now his own fear of failure is blinding him. Before he can pick himself up, he needs to shift his vision off his own discomfort to his need to provide for his family.

The second problem Tom must tackle is to figure out if his current work is a good fit for him. If he’s employed in a job that doesn’t engage his strengths, he only offers his employer his weaknesses. No wonder he’s not solidifying any job offers. Tom needs to figure out what he’s good at and what excites him before pursuing a job. This is true for any worthy goal. Training for a marathon may be beneficial to your health, but that doesn’t mean you’ll enjoy the running—especially if swimming is a much better fit for you.

Once Tom knows why he’s working and what work he’s passionate about, the third problem he must tackle is that of focused goal-setting—or lack thereof, at this point. Knowing that he’s excited about sales doesn’t mean he’s equipped to be a great salesman. Tom needs to learn how to make his goals a reality—and that’s not easy. It’s much harder to take steps toward accomplishing goals than to sit and dream about them. Tom’s path will require careful thought. He’ll have to stretch himself.

Sound familiar? Maybe you are like Tom. You want to change, but you don’t know where to start. The reality is that “when the pain of being average outweighs the fear of being excellent, that is when we make our move to the next level.”

It’s time to advance to the next level, friend. This is your life. You only get one shot. There is no time like the present to start becoming the person you want to be, and I am here to help you take those steps.

Fueling Your Fire

I look at kindling greatness as building a fire. Three things are necessary in the Fire Triangle: heat, fuel, and oxygen. When it comes to finding what’s worth pursuing in life, those same three things are supreme.

The heat or spark comes from you. It’s what you’re passionate about, what gets you excited, and what you find yourself drawn to again and again. These are often hobbies, learning addictions, or the things you can’t avoid doing even if you try.

But as you know, sparks are a dime a dozen and sputter without fuel. That’s why it’s imperative to seek wisdom before pouring your petroleum on any one particular flicking, orange glow. Because fuel—a combination of your skillsets and resources you’ve acquired or can acquire—creates quite a flame. And what’s the point of burning if you haven’t stopped to consider whether the sudden burst of heat will singe your eyebrows instead of warming you?

Finally, fire needs oxygen to be sustainable. Oxygen in this case is the people in your life, as well as your relationship with God.

Write this down: I need solid people in my life to encourage, teach, and help me. I need to associate myself with life-givers, people who affirm me and impact my ability to work harder and far longer.

These people will be life-giving and life-affirming, impacting your ability to work much longer. Similarly, pursuing a strong connection with God fills you with the constant energy needed to pursue dreams. Without this intimate connection to God and supportive inner circle, dreams die quickly.

It’s easy to get off track in life when one of these important elements is missing. Time and again, a person’s job may feel like they’re missing the spark. They don’t believe their work is significant. Or they might be unable to move forward because though they have the spark and the encouragement, they don’t want to put in the work to make a dream a reality. This leads to fast burnout, especially when passion is sparked and fuel used but surrounding “oxygen”—people who are supposed to support—complain or point out problems with a person’s goals.

Think about that spark you have. What is something you are excited about that you have yet to act on? Consider the fuel you would need to light a fire under that dream. It might require going back to school, starting a business, changing your family dynamic, or even cleaning your house. What relationships could you seek out and strengthen to add oxygen to your fire? With the right spark, fuel, and oxygen, you should expect greatness!

Setting SMART Goals

I was once giving a talk to a group, and everyone was discussing what they would tell their younger selves. One woman said she would have started redecorating her house years ago. I asked her what she was going to do with that wisdom, and she replied, “Well, I’m going to redecorate my house before I retire.” That was a good goal. It was a dream she’d had for a long time.

The first step to getting results is setting a goal, but identifying a goal is not the same as reaching it. The Goal Fairy wasn’t going to fly over this woman’s house, wave her wand, and make her dream come true. In order for your goal to become more than a pipe dream or a “maybe someday,” it needs to be SMART: specific, measurable, achievable, realistic, and timely. You need to specify exactly what you want to achieve, make a realistic plan with specific steps and deadlines, and determine how you will measure your progress. This woman needed to decide on a budget and a style, choose a decorator, and begin working from a timeline and schedule.

I asked the woman when Christmas would be. She shot me a confused look and replied, “December 25.”

I asked when we could expect Halloween. She said, “October 31.”

Then I asked, “When is your yard sale to kick-start your redecorating?”

If we don’t put tasks on our calendar, they don’t get done!

Her face brightened. Then a co-worker volunteered to help her paint, and another said she’d go shopping with her. Before long the woman had a group of people to help her reach her SMART goal and to keep her accountable.

I’m going to give you an assignment. First, spend time identifying one of your SMART goals. Think it through and choose something you really want to accomplish. Make sure to choose just one goal. More than that can be too overwhelming and cause you to stall out.

Next, think about the specific steps you can take to meet that goal. Maybe you’ll see a clear pathway of what needs to be accomplished to make it all the way to the end. Perhaps you aren’t sure and your first step needs to be sitting down to coffee with someone who can help you figure out where to start. Maybe you need to find some extra work to fund this dream of yours.

Then find people to help you stay motivated. Tell your spouse, involve your kids, ask a friend to go with you, or set a date with a colleague to report back on your progress.

It’s a long journey toward leaving a legacy, but the banquet is all around you. You’ve been living off the chewed-up remains of someone else’s dreams and thinking that it was enough for a long time. Now that you know you want to eat from the banquet, you’re going to have to fill your plate for yourself.

Decide on a SMART goal, identify the first step, find an accountability partner who will encourage you to succeed, and set a date for accomplishing that goal. If you want to change your life, you’re going to have to choose to do the work. You have everything you need to live your best life, so stop settling for less than greatness!

WORKBOOK

Chapter 2 Questions

Question: What hard-won lessons have you learned from experience that you would like to teach your younger self? What pain might you have avoided with these lessons?

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Question: Are you living with wisdom now? What changes have you made in light of your past experiences? What is a lesson from your past that you have yet to implement or apply fully in your life?

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Question: What is your spark that inspires you? What is your fuel to keep you moving toward your goals? Who is the oxygen in your inner circle?

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Question: What is one of your SMART goals? Be very specific and laser focused. What is your target date for achieving this goal? What first step will you take today?

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Action: Choose to learn from your past experiences and live with wisdom now! Identify the spark, fuel, and oxygen necessary to build a fire under your dream. Pinpoint one goal you want to accomplish and figure out the first steps for achieving it. Set a date for achieving your goal and find a partner to keep you accountable.

Chapter 2 Notes

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CHAPTER SIX

Excellence Buys You Freedom

“Nobody’s perfect.”

Did a parent, a teacher, or a friend ever offer you that reassuring platitude when you were younger?

Maybe they missed the thousands of TV commercials, advertisements, and magazine covers that all tout the secrets to perfection. Many mass-marketing experts want you to know that the perfect body, diet, outfit, and vacation all exist and must be pursued.

If you fall short of perfection, their ads insinuate, you’re a failure.

But guess what? There’s good news: whoever told you “Nobody’s perfect” was a lot wiser than the commercials would have you believe.

The Slave Master

The word ‘perfect’ is thrown around so much these days that people have stopped thinking about its impact. People desire the perfect house, the perfect Christmas, the perfect car, or the perfect family.

Unfortunately, the repeated failure to achieve perfection then leaves people feeling unworthy and unlovable.

Perfection fascinates me. For many years, I was what you would call a perfectionist. To me, perfection was the only acceptable outcome, and I would beat myself up when I didn’t reach it. Perfection is, of course, unattainable, except in certain extreme conditions and situations.

Striving for perfection is demoralizing. It will enslave you and turn every person around you into your master as you begin to believe they all see where you failed and find you unworthy. You will begin to compare yourself to people you see as superior. You will assume that everyone else is comparing you to others.

On top of that, when perfection is your slave master, you become a master to everyone else, too. You begin to compare everything you do to what others do, and you will either be left wanting or feeling superior. When a person feels superior, they like to wallow in it, looking down on everyone else while believing they are better.

Here’s what I’ve learned about perfection: it’s all about taking things away. Did you ever notice that? When I strive for perfection, I remove everything that does not contribute to my ideal. I must lose ten pounds. I need to remove the ugly décor in my home. I need to eliminate my children’s bad habits. Perfectionism is a bully. It finds a person’s weaknesses and then points them out again and again until those weaknesses are the only things they can see.

There is no possible way for any of us imperfect humans to be utterly perfect. Even if I managed to achieve the goal of perfection I set, there would still be something inside me that would not be satisfied. I would find myself looking back and seeing something I could have done better.

Perfection is a single moment in time that a person works toward. They may reach that evanescent moment where they achieve their goals, but then the moment fades away. They’re left in the dark again, looking for another flicker of light to pursue. While those moments of achievement might be glorious, they are fleeting. The emptiness that follows is an ever-deepening hollow that enslaves the person even more.

Quitting Perfection

There were two body builders I once knew. One pursued perfection. I mean, he measured every mouthful of food, counted every calorie and rep, worked out constantly, and was determined to come in first place in a major competition he entered. When he came in fifth place, this man was devastated. He curled up in the corner of the back room. His entire identity was tied up in being first and achieving perfection. Once he missed that goal, he didn’t know who he was anymore.

The other body builder was driven to be excellent. He worked out rigorously and watched his diet carefully, but he never put coming in first on the altar of perfection as something to be worshiped. When his family went out for pizza, he went along and had a few slices. This man came in ninth place at the same competition as the first bodybuilder. After the awards were handed out, he walked around and talked with the other contestants. He even met Arnold Schwarzenegger. He was laughing and chatting and enjoying the entire experience.

Only the top three contestants received any sort of prize money or endorsements, so both of these men earned the same amount (nothing). But the second man walked away with so much more than the first. For him, the entire experience, not just the first-place trophy, was the goal. He sought excellence versus perfection in the competition.

It’s tempting to look at perfection and believe you must pursue it, or else you’re lazy. Stepping away from perfection doesn’t mean your life needs to be less. To stop striving for perfection won’t leave an empty void in your life.

When I made a conscious effort to stop, I was afraid. I didn’t want to be sloppy or open myself to criticism from others. After all, if I’d worked that hard and still fell short, what would happen when I stopped striving for perfection?

I was surprised to find that the room in my brain and heart previously filled with my slave master’s cruel dominance wasn’t replaced with fear and shame. Instead, when I put my efforts toward caring for other people, my brain and heart were filled with understanding, love, and lots of grace.

Pursuing Excellence

Now I put all of my energy, efforts, and resources into striving for excellence. Please hear me out. You might be rolling your eyes and dying to tell me that perfection and excellence are the same, and that I’m caught up in word play. You couldn’t be more wrong.

Where perfection is a slave master, excellence buys freedom. It’s a lifelong achievement, not a single moment in time. It’s the difference between what you learn over the course of your entire education versus how you do on a single test.

Perfection is wrapped up in how things appear and how other people perceive you, while excellence is about how things are done and what you truly are at your deepest level.

Perfection is about doing something right; excellence is about doing the right thing.

Perfection repels, while excellence is a magnet.

The definition of ‘perfectionism’ is “a disposition to regard anything short of perfection as unacceptable.”[2] How unrealistic and ultra-demanding! There’s no way to go through life as a perfectionist and feel anything other than worthless the vast majority of the time. However, the definition of excellence is “the quality of being outstanding or extremely good.”[3] Much more attainable, isn’t it? I can’t be perfect, but I can be unusually good. I can surpass ordinary standards.

One of the greatest benefits to pursuing excellence is how it allows you to handle failures. Perfection holds up failings and rubs your nose in them. You won’t be allowed to forget shortcomings and must be motivated by fear, guilt, and shame.

On the other hand, when failures happen while you’re striving for excellence, you can learn from them and allow them to help you grow. While they aren’t exactly welcomed, they are expected. I will fail in everything I try on some level or another. It’s not shocking and debilitating when mistakes come along because I’m a human being and I mess up. I might need to apologize, rethink things, and do some soul searching, but I can forgive myself and move on.

Excellence is also a habit, and it has no limit. Perfection is the glass ceiling, and it’s exhausting. A perfectionist either spends all his time climbing toward the top of the mountain, or he’s failing in his attempt. Excellence, however, sees the opportunity to improve life with every step. There is no one to compete with; no one is superior. If I run a race and do my best and come in fourth, I can be happy with myself. A perfectionist, on the other hand, might do the best they can possibly do, come in fourth, and feel like a failure because they fell short of the winner.

My best isn’t my neighbor’s best. Boy, is that a freeing thought! I know there will always be someone out there who is better, faster, more attractive, and smarter than I am. When I’m in excellence mode, I see those people and feel happy for them. They might spur me on to try new things, but if I never reach their level it’s okay. I stop being jealous of them. I no longer feel superior to those who aren’t on my level. You tried your best and came in tenth place? Way to go! Let’s celebrate. I came in fourth place—do you want to train together? I can show you my workout routine, and you can show me yours. Maybe next race we’ll do even better.

So strive for excellence! You will never be left feeling “less than” or like you failed. Instead, you will experience contentment and joy in your and other people’s achievements, and you will be free.

Everyone Can Be Excellent

Perhaps you’ve been reading this chapter and know for certain you are a perfectionist—you’re driven to absolute perfection. You might even be on the other side of the pendulum and find perfectionism repulsive. Maybe you had a parent who drove you toward perfection and you’ve spent your life rebelling against it. Maybe you just don’t have the need to try that hard. Perhaps you’re so beaten down by life that you can’t bear the thought of even attempting perfection.

Here’s the good news about excellence: it’s for everybody. No one can be perfect, but everyone can be excellent.

Consider where you are in life right now, wherever that is. You might be struggling to jump-start anything, or you might be speeding through life, hitting on all cylinders. Wherever you are on that spectrum, you can be excellent right where you are.

Ultimately, freedom is found in excellence. It truly is. Every single step I’ve encouraged you to take so far is summarized in being excellent. Choose excellent words. Pursue excellence by listening well. Be motivated toward excellence with your unstoppable “whys.” Live excellently so that you enjoy the feast. Live the dash with excellence. Expecting greatness from ourselves leads us to live a life of excellence.

Perfectionists only find value in themselves based on what they do. People of excellence find value in themselves based on who they are.

Striving for excellence means going out and touching people’s lives, encouraging them to be their best, and being boundlessly grateful. Perfection is so single-minded and finite. Excellence increases and multiplies when the people around us are also excellent. It’s eternally significant, while perfection is entirely forgettable. Excellence draws people in, while perfection drives people away.

Choosing Excellence

To check whether you are pursuing perfection or excellence, ask yourself two reflection questions: First, did you give your best? Second, did you give your all? You might think that these are the same question, but they aren’t. I can give my best and not give my all or vice versa. These two simple questions help me to determine if I’m living a life of excellence, and they will help you as well.

As you go through your day, keep asking yourself, “Did I give my best? Did I give my all?” If you can answer yes to both, you are chasing excellence. Other people’s reactions and opinions don’t affect your excellence. If you gave your best and gave your all to a project that turned out to be a flop, you still contributed excellence. If you gave your best and gave your all to your family when you arrived home from work—even if your spouse had a bad day and the baby was fussy—your family was better for it, and you contributed excellence.

Excellence is a firm and fair taskmaster. If you begin to feel in bondage to it, you are likely sliding toward perfection and need to stop and reassess. If you are unwilling to attempt excellence, you already know what life will be like because you’re living it. When you find that you are unhappy and know that life needs to change, circle back to excellence. Ask yourself if you are giving your best and your all.

God is important to me, and He fits into this discussion about excellence over perfectionism in profound ways. We can work toward excellence, but in and of ourselves, we aren’t capable of achieving perfection. Only God is perfect.

God’s Son, Jesus, came to earth and led a perfect life and died in man’s place. He now offers His perfection to replace man’s failures, but each person must reach out and take it. God can’t have anything sinful near Him, which means there’s no hope for anyone outside of Jesus Christ. I have found so much freedom and hope in knowing that when God looks at me, He sees His Son’s perfect record because I have accepted Jesus’ gift.

If your heart is crying out for freedom from guilt and shame, please start looking into the Bible’s truths. They can transform your life more than anything else in the entire universe. I know because I tried just about everything, and nothing compares to the freedom I’ve found in Jesus.

I don’t have to try to be perfect. I choose to chase excellence. My family, my work, my team, and my friends are all better because of this pursuit.

So I ask you: Are you giving your best? Are you giving your all?

You’re already equipped with a personal creed and the boldness to fight off any negative speech that has prevented you from becoming who you were created to be.

Now it’s time to deal decisively with the pressure to be perfect, which is trying to enslave you and make you feel unworthy. It’s time to choose excellence.

WORKBOOK

Chapter 6 Questions

Question: What does ‘perfection’ mean to you? What does your perfect life look like? How can you make the transition to excellence starting today?

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Question: How do you handle your failures or shortcomings? How do you overcome them?

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Question: What are several specific ways in which you can choose excellence on a daily basis this week?

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Action: Pursue excellence by choosing your words carefully and listening well. Focus on your unstoppable “whys” to motivate yourself toward excellence. As you work to live your daily life above ordinary standards, don’t forget to look for your freedom—and enjoy the feast!

Chapter 6 Notes

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• Update #4 - Expect Greatness - Starving at the Banquet July 25, 2017

  Hey everyone, 

  THANK YOU SO MUCH for the TREMENDOUS show of support!!!!  You all are BEYOND awesome and I am GRATEFUL for each and every one of you!!! …

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• Update #3 - Plus One!!! July 19, 2017

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  THANK YOU SO MUCH for the show of support!!!!  We are well on the way to hitting our goal of 1,000 pre-orders.  Yes...I say "we" because …

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• Update #2 - Excellence buys you freedom... July 13, 2017

  Hey everyone,

  THANK YOU SO MUCH for the show of support!!!!  We are well on the way to hitting our goal of 1,000 pre-orders.  Yes...I say "we" because …

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• Update #1 - Need your help in changing the world! July 7, 2017

  Hey everyone,

  I am truly humbled and honored by the tremendous feedback on the pre-release copies of "Expect Greatness - Living a Life of Excellence". …

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