1. Reading this article that served as a knowledge drop for me living as an expat. Highlighting #3 White privilege shows up as freedom "from the stigma of being called an immigrant. The connotative definitions of 'expat' vary, but they are all largely devoid of fear and xenophobic outrage."  True story, for me.  

2. I learned about the documentary Meet Mary Pleasant directed by Susheel Bibbs from Kiki, CEO of Blackhistoryeveryday.com.  
Called the Mother of Civil Rights in California, Pleasant "could love across boundaries of race and class without losing sight of her goal of equality for herself and her people, so hers is a healing and inspiring story for us all -- an American story."  

Want to watch this with me in spirit and talk shop? 

3. I learned about the benefits of self-publishing from author Rachel Zinman.  It seems self-publishing might be the best route to allow the most proceeds to benefit communities of color.  Rachel and I connected virtually from a part of the Earth where the earliest human remains have been found; the Garden Route or 'Eden' in the Western Cape of South Africa.  

4.  This week was tender as my church community, and I honored the beloved, retired psychiatrist and neuroscientist, Dr. Robert Lee Harvey, Jr.  In late June, Dr. Harvey and I were talking shop on the trauma to prison pipeline after service. He jotted his contact information down in my journal so we could continue the conversation.  He handed it back, looked at me soberly and said, "Okay, when are we doing this?"  My response, "As soon as possible."  He died one week later.  This work is in his honor. 

#5 -10 on this list is a short story involving a gnarly rash on my arm. 
If you are squeamish, let's pause here and reconnect next week for update #3 where there will be no rash-talk. 

5.  I laid on a massage table my first week here in Chiang Mai. The bed felt prickly under my right arm but, I just went with it. The massage was strong and I got distracted from what was happening, which was -what I now know to be microparticles of caterpillar embedding their way into my upper arm. 

6. One full, itchy, painful week later, tiny shards of said prickly insect bits are now pushing their way out of my skin through the natural, cellular process.  It is painful, gross, embarrassing, and there is little return on my efforts in the removal process.  I see this as a metaphor for how I can unconsciously participate in systemic oppression.  Stay with me here.  

7. How did this painful material get in there and how do I get it out?  I have little control over the process of expelling it all at once, healing has its own timeline, and I am unable to peel my skin off to take out the unwanted parts.   I can examine it to the best of my ability, get help with the bits I can't see and hope to not get any microparticles on anyone else in the meantime. Good thing I'm working remote, yes? 

8. I'm quick to blame the table (system) or someone else but, no, no- I noticed something, got distracted and did not do anything about it.  Little painful bits are going to emerge in their own time, like awakening to white privilege, and in the words of Ijeoma Oluo, "Nobody is going to hold your hand through this.  If you fuck up, you will be called out...If you want a fucked up silver lining, you can always remember that people of color (POC) are also doing this work, never have the option of taking a break, and also have to live through the actual racism being fought in the process."  

9. My lesson: I take personal responsibility for what I did not notice and I am compassionate with myself.  I will not shame myself as' stupid' or 'slow' but, I own I can only know what I know when I know it and I want to do better next time. 

10. Making the unconscious, conscious is the work of a lifetime.  "Forgive yourself for not knowing what you didn't know before you learned it."  - Maya Angelou

Only 19 days remain in the pre-order campaign. 

100% of the proceeds go to the NAACP and the Black Mental Health Alliance for Education & Consultation, Inc.

Thank you for being in community with me. 

Any level of support is greatly appreciated, even if that means simply sharing this campaign if you believe in this project. 

With deep gratitude and a virtual download of dopamine for you, 

Ali