Chapter 8: Discontent towards our benign and prodigal Government

Now, up to this point, I have maintained a serious tone - because planetary extinction is no joke. But, if I may, I would like to break character somewhat, and revel in our government’s successes.

Like a chicken who has been shot by a “44 calibre grenade launcher, I am going to explode if I try to suppress my gratitude for this benign and altruistic Government any longer. 

Cast your mind back friends. To think, to believe, to have the singular thought cross our brains that: our current Government was once disliked. They were labelled fascists. I think the conservatives were misspelling fantastic. Because that is how we, all of us, would describe this new age: fabulous, wholly and completely. Please, don’t take my word for it, I have transcribed a speech given by a former dissenter, Rachel Drivot on death row. In her last days, she realised how great our Government is. It is as if she had finally opened her eyes, after years of squinting:

“Oh great and omnibenevolent Government, how wrong [I was]. How wrong I was. I was seeing it all wrong, I was reading from left to right. I left sense behind and you could not have been more right. It was as if I was a raindrop which had fallen into a puddle, distorting my perspective of life. I could only see the banks of that shallow concrete hole. But now, I see, I could have swum to the great ocean, and been free.”

I think this testimony speaks for itself. And, although Rachel denied ever saying this, her personal protection guard heard her rattle of this exact speech on numerous occasions. 

And, as unbelievable as it now sounds, this is evidence that some people persuaded themselves that right was left. Or, they were persuaded. Either or, people were stifled from thinking freely, and this is an incredibly sad fact, one which we should take a moment of recollection to lament.

Moreover, it was these foolish and conservative attitudes which played a part in the destruction caused by the 7h of February.

The then government was scared, they shook like a grass blade in the wind. They feared our petrol grass mower, they feared democracy and they were petrified of lateral thinkers.  

They went as far as banning certain so-called ‘hate speech’. It used to be illegal to mention traditional 'American ways'. Independence Day was renamed “Dependent Upon Outsiders Day”. And the American flag was re-designed as a picture of a walrus. Our top scientist believes that the walrus signified the blubber of the Americans, and how the then government wanted to strip our nation of our pride. 

I had an epiphany one night, actually. I was, admittedly, a few glasses of Goinepoet deep, when I realised what the walrus actually symbolised. The then government was, at least tacitly, issuing a demand for polar bears (foreign aliens) to consume the Walruses (me and you). This struck me as deeply unethical and totally inappropriate. Our current flag, a depiction of the cross jesus died upon, is far more inclusive, and highlights the dignity by which our Government treats us with.

But, people went along with the walrus, with the tide I suppose. They clapped and applauded this idiocy; like seals. 
And, as such, any ‘dissenters' (or any of the decent-ers as I call them) were treated as treacherous. You were labelled a loony left far left extremist. And this very much spurred poor Steve Itchlin to make that fateful decision to end the world. And, it was probably the right decision. Everything pointed towards fascism, towards the very antithesis of democracy. Nothing was beyond belief, very least the notion that the then government would use a silencer pistol to silence your truth.

Chapter 40: When They Hung the Moon

Picture, friend, a clock. Now, this clock is fitted with a swinging hand — and the hand swims from right to left, then from left to right, and so on. It sways from a central mechanism, ticking in the middle of the dial. This is more or less what was about to happen to our planet. 

But, while a clock is powered by AA batteries, the Earth was powered by greed and lust.

And, while I have been explaining this whole clock business, rope-9 had spun itself like a spider’s web around the moon. It now held the moon in a suffocating stranglehold. The never ending rope-9 also began to start ending, - which is strange - but not impossible. And as it was reaching the zenith of its length, it started to tighten and ever so slightly pull the earth upwards. This continued for three or four minutes, with the earth shifting ten or so metres high. And, like a clock, the Earth attempted to  swing, in hopes of stabilising himself again.

Unfortunately, while some objects are gifted with perpetual motion, our planet was not one of those things. Given the weight of the then Government's bellies, the right side of the Earth was much heavier than the left. As such, the planet struggled to assert the same momentum swinging backwards as it could forwards. And this caused the swinging to pitter out and eventually stop.

It had stopped swinging. The planet lay there frozen. And, in the middle of this whole debacle, the spinning had also stopped.  It just laid there in the middle of space. In the endless void, like a worn statue of a disgraced member of the then government - It just stood there.

Chapter 42: No More Lies

As confirmed by Mr Lemmon, everyone suffered a momentary collapse. And, as I'm sure you can imagine, a planet going from seven hundred and fifty two miles per second, to zero, suddenly, caused an unimaginable catastrophe.

And that it did. As confirmed by Mr Lemmon, everyone fell over on their heads. And their heads went down with an almighty thump, louder than the noise of rope-9 hitting the moon.

So, as confirmed by Mr Lemmon, who saw the unconscious bodies littered on the floor, people were simply misremembering that ‘nothing happened that day’. Again, they are trying to cope with what actually happened. They were pawns in the then governments game, and that is a harsh truth to accept; of course they would try to persuade themselves otherwise.

But no, our very own Mr Lemmon saw the bodies for his own eyes and even took pictures. If we manage to find the key to his shed, we shall release the pictures immediately. 

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