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Aleah Ava

Aleah Ava

Umbria, Italy

Aleah Ava is a Love and Relationship Coach helping couples and individuals navigate through the inevitable personal challenges and upheaval love and relationships bring to the surface.

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About the author

Aleah Ava is a Love and Relationship Coach, a Recovering Love Addict and a Feeling Advocate, helping individuals and couples navigate through the inevitable challenges love and relationships bring to the surface. 

For the past 10 years, she took a deep dive and committed to finding out, what it was inside of herself that attracted rejection, the wrong partners and ultimately not succeeding in finding true lasting love. 

In a moment of awakening she finally understood what it takes to stop that form of suffering and move into a place of radical self-love and acceptance. In her experience, we can’t find true love unless we realize that the person we actually have to fall in love with first, is our self.

She studied people, love and relationships her entire life. From her own trail of broken relationships and our deepest wounds to the longings of our unmet needs. From our fears of intimacy or inability to let go to our difficulties in finding real lasting love. It has touched her so profoundly that she made it her calling.

Aleah holds a BSc in Communication and has undergone various forms of personal development courses such as intense deep feeling therapy, Meditation, Prayer and Tantra. She also co-facilitated Childhood-Deconditioning Retreats alongside an experienced Psychologist.

She currently lives in Italy, coaching clients all over the world. 

Her (com)passion for human beings and their stories is what drives her work. She believes that being the student and teacher at the same time is not mutually exclusive but essential to keep developing her art of teaching as well as expanding into a better version of herself on a continuous basis.
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Success! Are You Sure It's Love? sold 503 pre-orders by Dec. 15, 2018, was pitched to 104 publishers, and is in discussions with publishers.


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This deal includes a digital copy of "Are You Sure It's Love?" delivered in the eReader version of your choice - as soon as the book is published.

You will also get:
- An invite to join my community
- The audiobook version, narrated by Aleah Ava
- Exclusive access to updates via email

Ebook included

$21 READY FOR LOVE (Limited Edition Hard Cover)

14 readers

This deal includes 1 Copy of the autographed limited edition of the book
"Are You Sure It's Love?"

You will also get:
- A free invitation to the book launch and private Candle Light Music Meditation with the Author's own musical compositions (Piano and Voice)
- An invite to join my community
- The e-Book version
- The audiobook version, narrated by the Author
- Exclusive access to updates via email

1 copy + ebook included

$3 shipping

$42 LOVE'S DIVINE (Yes and more please)

5 readers

This deal includes 3 Copies of the autographed limited edition of the book
"Are You Sure It's Love?"

You will also get:
- A free invitation to the book launch and private Candle Light Music Meditation with the Author's own musical compositions (Piano and Voice)
- An invite to join my community
- The e-Book version
- The audiobook version, narrated by the Author
- Exclusive access to updates via email

3 copies + ebook included

$7 shipping

$180 ONE LOVE (Hangout with the Author)

2 readers

This deal includes 6 copies of the autographed limited edition of the book "Are You Sure It's Love?"

You will also get:
- An invitation to an exclusive 2 hour Q&A Hangout with the Author where you can ask your own questions related to love, sex and relationships
- A free invitation to the book launch and private candle light music meditation with the Author's own musical compositions (Piano and Voice)
- An invite to join my community
- The e-book version
- The audiobook version, narrated by Author
- Exclusive access to updates via email
- A Big Thank you mention with your name printed in the acknowledgements section of the book - all copies, forever

6 copies + ebook included

$10 shipping

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$280 MAKE YOU FEEL MY LOVE (Personal Coaching)

0 readers

This deal includes 10 copies of the autographed limited edition of the book "Are You Sure It's Love?"

You will also get:
- A FREE personal confidential Love-Make-Over Session (via zoom) valued at USD 150, where I'll be available to answer and coach you on any and all of your questions or challenges related to love, sex and relationships
- A free invitation to the book launch and private candle light music meditation with the Author's own musical compositions (Piano and Voice)
- An invite to join my community
- The e-book version
- The audiobook version, narrated by Author
- Exclusive access to updates via email
- A Big Thank you mention with your name printed in the acknowledgements section of the book - all copies, forever

10 copies + ebook included

$10 shipping

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$447 WHOLE LOTTA LOVE (Online Course)

0 readers

This deal includes 15 copies of the autographed limited edition of the book "Are You Sure It's Love?"

You will also get:
- A FREE invite to join my online course "An Introduction into Emotional Recycling". During three consecutive 90 minutes Group Coaching Calls, we will dive into the skills of an Emotional Recycler. Learning that skill will take all of your relationships to the next level.
- A free invitation to the book launch and private candle light music meditation with the Author's own musical compositions (Piano and Voice)
- An invite to join my community
- The e-book version
- The audiobook version, narrated by Author
- Exclusive access to updates via email
- A Big Thank you mention with your name printed in the acknowledgements section of the book - all copies, forever

Value: USD 1040

15 copies + ebook included

$15 shipping

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$500 Medium Angel Investor Package

2 readers

This deal includes 50 copies of the autographed limited edition of the book "Are You Sure It's Love?"

You will also get:

- One FREE personal Coaching/Mediation Session on Emotional Recycling (via zoom), where I'll be available to answer and coach you on any and all of your questions or challenges when it comes to relationships of any sort

- Free invitation to the book launch and private candle light music meditation with the Author's own musical compositions (Piano and Voice)

- An invite to join my community
- The e-book version
- The audiobook version, narrated by Author
- Exclusive access to updates via email
- A Big Thank you mention with your (company name printed in the acknowledgements section of the book - all copies, forever)

50 copies + ebook included

Free shipping

$888 LOVE IS KING (The Retreat Experience)

3 readers

This deal includes 30 copies of the autographed limited edition of the book "Are You Sure It's Love?"

You will also get:

- An invite to the Author's exclusive ONE WEEK RETREAT EXPERIENCE (for those of you who want dive deeper into the work). It will be held in Spring, in Italy, in Umbria, one of my favourite places in the world!! (Accommodation, food and travel are not included).
For more information on this bonus visit:

- Free invitation to the book launch and private candle light music meditation with the Author's own musical compositions (Piano and Voice)

- An invite to join my community
- The e-book version
- The audiobook version, narrated by Author
- Exclusive access to updates via email
- A Big Thank you mention with your name printed in the acknowledgements section of the book - all copies, forever

Value: USD 2500

30 copies + ebook included

$20 shipping

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$1500 Big Angel lnvestor Package Sold out

1 reader

This deal includes 200 copies of the autographed limited edition of the book "Are You Sure It's Love?"

You will also get:

- Three FREE personal Coaching/Mediation Session on Emotional Recycling (via zoom), where I'll be available to answer and coach you on any and all of your questions or challenges when it comes to relationships of any sort

- Free invitation to the book launch and private candle light music meditation with the Author's own musical compositions (Piano and Voice)

- An invite to join my community
- The e-book version
- The audiobook version, narrated by Author
- Exclusive access to updates via email
- A Big Thank you mention with your (company name printed in the acknowledgements section of the book - all copies, forever)

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Are You Sure It's Love?

Moving into REALationships Through the Art of Emotional Recycling

Love can easily be mistaken for a dependency or even an addiction, leading to great upheaval, challenges, conflict and pain. If you want to get good at it, master it!

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Self-Help Love & Relationships
70,000 words
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21 publishers interested


Love can be the most wonderful, heart-opening and nourishing wonder giving that touch of magic to our experience called life. 

Love, however can also be the most devastating and challenging obstacle breaking your heart into a thousand pieces. 

Almost nothing is as hard as intimately and successfully relating with other people. One of the reasons why it is so hard is that love is often mistaken merely for a dependency or even an addiction. What we have been taught about love to be true has often nothing to do with love.

Healthy, mature compassionate love and relationships ideally are here for one reason only; mutual personal growth and healing. Sooner or later, when intimately relating with someone else, we have no other way but to deal with what it brings up in ourselves. The so called "triggers" - when leveraged - shed immeasurable value and insight into where we have been wounded and the parts that need healing.

When such triggers are activated, it gets difficult to navigate through these upheavals so we might dismiss the other person, believing that they are not the right fit for us. And in many cases that might be true. You do not need to stay with someone that is clearly not doing you any good, let alone is abusive in any form.

However, too often we forget that these triggers and upheavals are our compass to understanding where we need healing. We miss the chance to learn the lessons, thinking that moving on will give us what we are actually looking for. There is no question that some people might be a better fit for us than others. However, if we move on because we don't want to do the work or are simply unable to see that there is a chance for healing, we will inevitably face the same challenges over and over again. This will keep happening until we are ready to look at which parts in ourselves contribute to what is not working in the first place.

This book helps distinguish between "mature, compassionate, adult" love and "neurotic, dependent, addicted" kind of love. It will shed light on the ways we tend to live in denial or in a fantasy that will eventually blow up once we realize that the person we made up in our mind does not have much to do with who that person really is. It teaches the art of Emotional Recycling that will help transform your pain into personal empowerment.

If we want to create more peace and love in our life and in the world, in general, we have to become an “Emotional Recycler.” An Emotional Recycler has the ability and takes responsibility to feel, instead of acting or re-acting out.

Very often love and relationships are there to "get" rather than to "give". Coming from such a place makes a relationship a rather "self-serving" instead of a "self-giving" device. Love is not so much about "am I really getting what I want?" but more about "am I really giving all that I have" for it to be successful. Learning love is like any other discipline. If you want to be good at it, you have to master it.

Why are some of us running after love so desperately where it leads to compromises on levels that will eventually result in unhappiness? Why do we become dependent or addicted to Love in the first place?

The answer to this is universal: It is due to "early absence of love", negligence, abandonment, trauma and other forms of adversity during childhood. Apart from that, we get hijacked by our brain chemicals that make it hard not to get addicted in the first place. However, only because something is addictive does not mean that we actually have to get addicted. Awareness is the key.

If your relationship experiences lack deep emotional and sexual intimacy without much connection, passion and joy. Or you perhaps keep attracting emotionally unavailable partners, then it might be time to look at the WHY's behind. Maybe you are unable to let go of what you actually know does not serve you or you constantly feel disconnected, alone and isolated from the rest of the world. Or you simply have not yet managed to sustain a healthy mature relationship. This book helps breaking denial and supports you in self-empowerment, self-love and self-respect, moving into the world of REALationships.


A) Author’s Note (Waiver, Claim)

The Author clarifies that she is in no way proclaiming this work to be any form of therapy or a replacement for professional psychological help. The reader has chosen to participate in this process out of her/his own free will and without coercion. This process can be powerful and might bring issues to the surface that are not yet in the reader's consciousness.

It is, however, intended as a self-help or a co-help tool that helps breaking free from addictive or dependent love and relationship patterns.

B) Acknowledgement (Gratitude)

The Author gives thanks to the people who either helped and supported her in the process of writing this book or have been an inspirational influence in any shape or form.

C) Introduction

The author elaborates on the ways this book will add value and what it is intended for. She also shares her personal reasons for writing this book. She points out that the first theoretical part discusses the topic Love Addiction. However, the reader does not have to see him/herself as a Love Addict to profit from this book. Almost all relationships have destructive, unhealthy addictive patterns. Becoming aware of such patterns will allow the reader to instantly transform the quality of love and relationships.

D) Why I wrote this book – my personal path 

The author shares her own personal path of struggles and adversity in her childhood, her teenage years and adulthood. She sheds light on her own dysfunctional relationship patterns and her journey towards healing.

Chapter 1: Love Addiction?

1.1 What is Love Addiction?

A general overview on the topic to introduce the subject to the reader.

1.2 The vicious Cycle of Love Addiction

The typical cycle love addicts repeatedly find themselves in.

1.3 Characteristic Traits of Love Addiction

Diving into ten typical characteristic traits and signs that indicate an addiction to love. 

1.4 The Different Types of Love Addicts

Introduction of Pia Mellody, pioneer and recognised Love Addiction expert, focusing on the most common dynamic between the Love Addict and the Love Avoidant.

This chapter also lays out 7 other types of Love Addicts as defined by Jim Hall, Love Addiction Specialist. Laying out the differences in each type, demonstrating the many forms of Love Addiction such as: 

1.4.1 The Romantic Love Addict
1.4.2 The Anorexic Love Addict
1.4.3 The Non-Romantic Love Addict
1.4.4 The Abusive Love Addict
1.4.5 The Battered Love Addict
1.4.6 The Sex and Love Addict
1.4.7 The Parental Love Addict

Chapter 2: The two major reasons for Love Addiction

To fully understand WHY we become addicted to love later on in life, we have to understand the reasons behind:

2.1 Reason No One: Our Brain

Based on reliable sources of previous research that has been done on this subject, the book dives into the role of our brain when it comes to addiction. 

On one hand, Helen Fisher's (Globally recognised Biological Anthropologist) ground-breaking study revealing insight into the neural chemistry of romantic love. 

And on the other hand Richard Schwartz's and Jacqueline Olds's (both Harvard Medical School Professors) article on the important role the brain plays in Love Addiction. 

It also explains, from a neurological point of view, why people tend to stay in abusive relationships.  

2.2 Reason No Two: The early absence of Love and Childhood Trauma/Adversity

Reason no two elaborates on the even more important reason for Love Addiction that the Author herself has recognised when going through a "deep feeling" therapy.

It talks about "the early absence of love", negligence, abandonment and other childhood traumas or adversities. 

It also mentions "attachment theory", originally formulated by Bowlby as well as the important work of Dr. Bruce Perry, Child and Adolescence psychiatrist and neuroscientist who says that the brain reflects the world we grew up in.

Chapter 3: The consequences of the early absence of love and childhood trauma, potentially resulting in love addiction

This chapter lays out the 10 major consequences that most Love Addicts have to deal with later on in life as a result from early absence of love.

Chapter 4: Healthy Love

4.1 The difference between Love and Love Addiction

Many people confuse Love with Love Addiction. Often, we think that drama, fantasies, intensity, and everlasting passion is love. That a "soulmate" or "love at first sight" kind of love is the ultimate thing. The chemistry and feelings that come with love and infatuation make us think that we found "the One". This chapter dismantles the illusion and fantasies of what we think is love. It displays the differences between healthy, compassionate, mature, adult kind of love and neurotic, unhealthy, dysfunctional love.

4.2 Next Level Relating: Kings & Queens and Sexual Alchemy

This chapter talks about the elements of the healthy masculine and the qualities of the queen that best resonate with it. It also talks about the purpose of love, sex and relationships and who we have to become to successfully relate with another individual being.

Chapter 5: WHY healing our wounds and overcoming Love Addiction and other unhealthy relationship patterns is of vital importance

The consequences of not addressing what needs healing inside ourselves are devastating, not just for an individual but for this world and our society. The author elaborates on 3 major reasons WHY healing our wounds and therewith overcome unhealthy relationship patterns is vital:

5.1 Reason Nr. 1: To stop people from unconsciously acting out from the wounded/unloved place inside themselves

One of the worst consequences of not dealing with our feelings and our pain is that we often act out destructively on the people around us, instead of feeling what gets triggered in us. In this way we create more separation and disconnection instead of love and connection.

5.2 Reason Nr. 2: Heal yourself, so you can help others heal as well; become an Emotional Recycler

If we want to create more peace and love in our lives and in the world, in general, we have to become what the author calls an “Emotional Recycler.” An Emotional Recycler has the ability to feel, instead of acting out, and recycle someone else’s act-out back into love and compassion. We therewith enable the people around us to heal their own unresolved wounds.

5.3 Reason Nr. 3: Become the captain of your own life, through real empowerment, and ultimately, become the juiciest, sexiest version of yourself

If Love Addiction runs our life, it truly means that we are not. We are chasing after something that always seems out of reach. In this way we miss the chance to create the life we truly envision. Overcoming Love Addiction means to no longer be controlled by it and creating enough space and energy to dedicate to making our lives the best possible version. 

Chapter 6: How to overcome Love Addiction and create fulfilling relationships?

There are three building blocks that help overcome Love Addiction: 

6.1   Key Nr. 1 Creating a high level of awareness

We have to break denial and become brutally aware of the ways we contribute to what is not working for us. Awareness is the first step. By increasing our awareness, we create choices. Choices meaning that we have a feeling that things are no longer "just happening to us" but we rather consciously chose what is supposed to happen. 

6.2 Key Nr. 2. Leveraging the incredible value of triggers resulting from intimate relationships

Triggers are scary, but they are worth a million dollar of therapy. They are the entry point into our feelings. Our feelings are the key to understanding aspects within ourselves that need healing. Leveraging your triggers puts you on the fast-track to transformation.

6.3 Key Nr 3. Feeling the feelings behind our triggers

For many people, feelings are scary as we often mistake feeling for suffering. There are reasons for that. Once we learn how to safely feel and leverage our feelings for healing, we have the best chance of turning our pain into power.

Chapter 7: Recovery, Healing & Transformation – What to expect

7.1 What to expect while in Recovery
7.2 The typical Recovery Cycle
7.3 The pitfalls of Recovery
7.4 Tips for your Protection

Chapter 8: Doing the Work

8.1 Step 1 - basic work "Creating a high level of awareness" 

This chapter includes a free download of module no 1 that helps shed light on the ways we relate. This is where the reader learns about her/himself and understands to what extent they are engaged in unhealthy, dependent or neurotic love.

8.2 Step 2+3 - deeper work "Leveraging Triggers and Working with Feelings" 

Author guides through the deeper work once our awareness has increased. 

This books includes a glossary, bibliography as well as further resources for education, healing and support.


The books is aimed at readers who need a break-through in the love department. Whether we talk about readers who miss deep emotional and sexual intimacy, who keep attracting emotionally unavailable partners, who are unable to let go of a partner or continuously face a feeling of aloneness, disconnection, isolation, depression, etc. It also aims at people who are already in a relationship but find themselves often in conflict or misunderstandings. 

They are either a) single - but unhappy, b) in a relationship - but unfulfilled or c) divorced. 

No matter their situation, all of them have a deep longing for love and connection. They want to be wanted/needed/desired, reduce emotional pain and suffering and increase their self-esteem. They share similar unhealthy patterns, such as dependency, loss of reason, lack of self-control, and obsessive longings that must be satisfied. They lack the ability to maintain long-term, healthy, compassionate, and intimate relationships. They also all share the same consequences - a life with continuous, painful patterns of self-sabotage, shame, absence of real love and intimacy as well as unfulfilling relationships.

A) Many singles are unhappy because they often depend on someone else filling a void, an emptiness that exists within themselves. They have not learned to self-nurture or self-care to a point where they can be self-sustainable without an outside source of what's missing. There is no question that humans need love and connection. However, to be able to fully receive from someone else, without being needy, we first have to be able to give that to ourselves.

B) The current divorce rate is between 50-60% world-wide; in other words, half of humanity struggles with finding and sustaining lasting love and fulfilling relationships.

One important aspect of it is the lack of understanding what true, compassionate and mature love looks like. It also indicates that people have not really understood the purpose of a committed relationship. A lot of it also comes down to our own demons/shadows that lie dormant in our unconscious but that just beg to be addressed and healed. People absolutely have the ability to work through these issues, they just often don't know how.

C) If we look at the people who stay in abusive relationships, we know that every minute, “approximately 20 people are the victims of physical abuse by an intimate partner in the United States alone." In average, husbands or boyfriends are responsible for the murders of more than three women each day. Every month, the National Domestic Violence Hotline receives over 27,000 calls for help. And each year, over 10 million Americans are subjected to psychological and physical abuse from people they love and trust the most.”

Domestic relationships are a playground for hidden abuse. It's behind closed door that our demons come out to play. People who stay in abusive relationships are often co-dependent or addicted to love. Our brain chemicals can sabotage our efforts to leave an abusive relationship as abuse survivors can be  hijacked by dopamine (referring to “The addiction to bonding with our abusers." by Shahida Arabi, #1 Amazon Bestseller in personality disorders, abuse, and sexual abuse). 

Sometimes exposing oneself to abusive/unrequited love can also be a re-creation of the known, of what is familiar to us as this is what we learned when growing up. We often find ourselves precisely in "unwanted" situations as we haven't healed the parts in ourselves and need a "mirror" to recognise the unhealed aspect.


I have two websites: and I create weekly episodes on my podcast "Addicted to Love" that is available on all common platforms (iTunes, Spotify, Stitcher, Google Podcast, Tunein) where I also feature Subject Matter Experts such as:

Dr. Margaret Paul: She holds a PhD in psychology and is a relationship expert, a public speaker, a consultant and an artist. Margaret is a bestselling author, a popular Huffington Post writer and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding Self-Healing Process also recommended by Alanis Morissette. She has appeared on numerous radio and television shows, including Oprah and has written nine books. Her most popular books are Do I Have to Give Away Me to be Loved by You?Healing Your Aloneness and Inner Bonding. One of them sold over 1 Mio copies.
Linkedin Followers: 1500
Facebook: 5000

> Margaret agreed to consider reading and maybe endorsing my book once I have a collaboration with a publisher. 

Damona Hoffman: She is a dating coach and TV host from A+E Networks, FYI TV series Black Love and A Question of Love, as well as a lifestyle news contributor for CNN Headline News. She is the host of Dates & Mates with the Damona Hoffman Podcast.

LinkedIn Followers: 6100

Facebook: 2200 liking her page

Jamie Catto: Former and founding member of Faithless. He was one of the two vocalists our director and video director of the band before leaving in 1999 to perform the double Grammy nominated Global Music and Film Collective, 1 Giant Leap. It was nominated for two Grammys in 2003. They sold over 300’000 albums and won numerous awards globally. 
LinkedIn Followers: 2100
Facebook Followers: 6000

> Jamie has agreed to help promoting my book campaign.

Kevin Oroszlan: Evolutionairy Coach, Speaker and Creator of He coaches clients in the weaponization and actualization of their intuition. Developing their spiritual abilities and senses through practical personal-development techniques and mindset hacks. People come to him to have radical accountability and wellness applied to their life in the vein of lifestyle science AND mysticism.

Facebook Followers: 9064
Instagram Followers: 4117

> Kevin has agreed to help promoting my book campaign.

On my LinkedIn Profile I have 260 connections and counting daily.

In these contacts I have a couple of very interesting people such as:
Helen Fisher, John Gray, Esther Perel, Susan David, Guy Winch, Bruce Perry and Ken Page who all have a great following. I will personally address each and every LinkedIn contact to get their support in spreading the book.

Personal Email List: 300 

Other Social Media Platforms:

Facebook Aleah Ava: 1325 Friends:
In these contacts I have many friends who are coaches, therapists and teachers who I will address personally to ask for their support. 

Facebook Addicted to Love: 161
Instagram Aleah Ava: 360
Instagram Addicted to Love: 76


♠ No 1 ♠
Title: Facing Love Addiction
Subtitle: Giving Yourself The Power To Change The Way You Love
Author: Pia Mellody 
Publisher: HarperOne
Year: 2003
Description: Pia Mellody is the Pioneer in this field. Her book is incredibly elaborate on the subject as such. A lot of theoretical background focusing on the co-addictive relationship between the Love Addict and the Love Avoidant. She also clearly states how codependency is present in people with an addiction to love and states that this issue needs to be addressed prior to working through Love Addiction. The recovery process is based on a lot of reflection and journaling, suggesting that the root problem to be addressed when working through it with a therapist.

♠ No 2 ♠
Title: Women Who Love too Much
Subtitle: When you keep wishing and hoping he'll change
Author: Robin Norwood
Publisher: Pocket Books
Year: 2008
Description:  No 1 NY Times Bestseller; This book helps to recognize the roots of destructive patterns of relating and provides a step-by-step guide to a more rewarding way of living and loving. 

♠ No 3 ♠

Title: Is it Love or is it Addiction?
Subtitle: The book that changed the way we think about romance and intimacy
Author: Brenda Schaeffer
Publisher: HazeldenYear: 2009
Description: This book helps people find their way from the trials and confusion of addictive love to the fulfillment of whole and healthy relationships. It focuses on compassion and lasting effect by increasing our awareness of the ways that we express love.  It shows what Love Addiction is and what it is not, how to identify it, and, even more important, how to break free of it. 

♠ No 4 ♠
Title: Love Addict
Subtitle: Sex, Romance and other dangerous Drugs
Author: Ethlie Ann Vare
Publisher: Health Communications Inc., Deerfield Beach, FL 33442
Year: 2011
Description: Ann Vare shares the stories of addicts and her own, as well as interviews with therapists [and] addiction specialists.  The book has a humorist style, taking the reader on a journey through love addiction throughout the ages and explains the science behind it.

♠ No 5 ♠
Title: Love and Addiction
Subtitle: None
Authors: Stanton Peele, Archie Brodsky
Publisher: Broadrow Publications
Year: 2015
Description: A pioneering study of the addictive qualities of Love focusing not only on the subject Love Addiction but also on addiction and addictive behaviour as such (especially drugs). It includes a general theory of addiction and looks at how we grow up addicted. It also elaborates on our addicted society in general and physiological and psychological mechanisms of Addiction.

♠ No 6 ♠
Title: Insatiable
Subtitle: A memoir of Love Addiction
Author: Shary Hauer
Publisher: She Writes Press
Year: 2015
Description: Hauer fearlessly chronicles her emotional journey from despair to hope, rejection to redemption, and self-hate to self-love, one man at a time. In candid detail, she relates what it is like to be trapped in the torturous cycle of love addiction.

♠ No 7 ♠
Title: The Marriage Junkie
Subtitle: Kicking your Obsession
Author: Sherry Gaba
Publisher: Motivational Press
Year: 2018
Description: There are many books on Love Addiction, but no one has approached the subject of its equally damaging cousin―marriage and relationship addiction. The book also addresses early childhood trauma and how that affects our subsequent choices in partners. 

How is "Are you sure it's love" different?

  • Most of the books above are written by Therapists. Are you sure it's Love, however, is written from a recovering love addict, a woman who was fierce and dedicated to stepping out of obsessive love. She vulnerably shares the bad and the ugly to illustrate her journey that will make recovery feasible. Although therapy was part of her recovery, she provides the reader with a short-cut, the essence of what worked and what did not. Her main goal is to empower and enable the reader as not everyone is naturally open to take the help of a therapist. Her inexorable inquiry and longing to get better is what enabled her to dive so fully and deeply into the darkest places of herself. Having been to the depth of her very own soul is what enables her to guide the readers to these places within themselves.

  • Just as Are you sure it's Love does, most books point out the root cause of Love Addiction lying in childhood trauma, neglect and abandonment that created an immeasurable amount of emotional pain and feelings that have not been felt but rather repressed in our system/unconscious. How do we get access to these feelings? These feelings are key in recovery. To access them we need to leverage the triggers life brings to us. This approach is the core of recovery in this book and a rather unique aspect described in this book. The author guides through the exact process that will address and transform dormant feelings as we can only heal what we can feel.

21 publishers interested Express interest
Sourcebooks logo Sourcebooks

About Sourcebooks - an independent vision We are a company bound together by the idea that Books. Change. Lives. For us, it means a passion for books and a dedication to the belief that books change lives. It means innovative publishing, where every book is personal and every author’s voice has a place. And it means not being afraid to say “I don’t know” and forging a new path when we have to. We are a group of passionate, energetic and enthusiastic book lovers, and we are committed to helping readers experience each book. Thank you for being a part of our story.

Traditional publisher

Business, Cookbooks, Health, History, Journalism, Lifestyle, Memoirs, Mind & Body, Politics, Professional, Romance, Science, Self-Help, Sports, Technology, Travel


Apocryphile Press logo Apocryphile Press

Apocryphile Press is a small, new-paradigm publishing company based in the San Francisco East Bay. We specialize in edgy spirituality, and pretty much anything that snags our fancy.

We are especially interested at this time in literary or genre fiction with a spiritual bent that portrays religious people in realistic ways. (Translation: if your religious characters aren't deeply flawed and don't cuss, don't send it to us.)

Independent publisher

Fantasy, Health, History, Lifestyle, Literary Fiction, Memoirs, Mind & Body, Mystery, Religious, Romance, Sci-Fi, Self-Help, Thriller, Travel, Young Adult


Isabella Media Inc logo Isabella Media Inc

Why Isabella Media is fast becoming one of the most credible and successful publishers in the industry? Simple—we have the best authors, the most talented production staff, and we publish each book to see the highest potential of sales and royalties! We are the publisher that others are striving to emulate because we are the most author-friendly publishing house in America!

When you become part of the exclusive Isabella Media Inc team, here are a few things you can expect:

Access to professional cover design specialists for your book.
Access to professional editing and text layout designers with registered ISBN provided.
Your book is set up for nationwide distribution through our hand-picked distributors.
The author is assigned a personal publishing representative who follows a project plan for every book which includes sending press releases, book signing requests to bookstores, and monitoring availability of the book at all times, as well as assisting with speaking engagements and public appearances. The publishing representative is the author's personal contact for any publishing project requests and on-going needs.
Your book can be produced in paper format, audiobook format, and eBook format. eBooks are quickly gaining popularity as technology now allows you to read books on your smartphone, tablet, computer or a stand-alone eBook reader.
Our staff will regularly set up events (book signing) and interviews with credible media outlets to gain exposure for your book.
Your book is made available to 39,000 retailers, libraries, schools, and universities including,, and many other eCommerce websites and retail outlets.
To learn more about royalties, contracts, and production resources, and timelines, you can request more information to be e-mailed to you by contacting us at

Independent publisher

Business, Children's, Fantasy, Health, History, Journalism, Lifestyle, Literary Fiction, Memoirs, Mystery, Novella, Politics, Professional, Religious, Romance, Sci-Fi, Science, Self-Help, Sports, Technology, Thriller, Young Adult

Canada, United States

Koehler Books logo Koehler Books

Koehler Books is an Indie publisher based in Virginia Beach, Virginia. Our team of dedicated professionals promises you a holistic publishing experience where you'll receive our full attention, collaboration and coaching every step of the way. We offer two publishing models: a traditional non-fee model for the highest quality work, as well as a co-publishing model that includes creative development fees for emerging authors.

Koehler Books offers you tremendous value, worldwide distribution channels and superior marketing guidance. Our authors span nearly every continent and every region and state in the US, and are consistently recognized nationally and globally for their work. Our titles are broad based and include nearly every major non-fiction and fiction genre.

For more information visit our Publishizer Author page:

Independent publisher

Business, Fantasy, Health, History, Journalism, Literary Fiction, Memoirs, Mind & Body, Mystery, Politics, Professional, Sci-Fi, Science, Self-Help, Sports, Technology, Thriller, Travel


Sunbury Press logo Sunbury Press

Sunbury Press, Inc., headquartered in Mechanicsburg, PA is a publisher of hardcover, trade paperback, and eBooks featuring established and emerging authors in many categories. Sunbury's books are sold through leading booksellers worldwide.

We are a traditional royalty-paying trade publisher. Our publishing process includes the following:

Substantive/Developmental Editing (if necessary)
Copy Editing
Formatting and Book Design
Cover Design
ISBN Registry
Library of Congress Registry
Product Formats (Trade Paperback, Hardcover, eBook – usually two or more)
Advanced Reader Copies (NetGalley or Print)
Global Print Distribution to Bookstore / Library Trade
Online Distribution to major eCommerce book retailers
Direct Marketing to Sunbury Press Readers
Marketing to the Book Trade through Distribution Channels
Direct Marketing to over 1200 Independent Bookstores in the USA
Category/Imprint-Specific Marketing Activities
Publicity to Key Targeted Media (Cision Publicity Platform to over 3 million in media)
Assistance with Book Signing Events, Author Central, Goodreads, Author Blogs, etc.
Monthly Sunbury Press Authors Newsletter
Author Training or Collaboration Seminars
Foreign Rights / Translation Opportunities
Movie / Television / Other Media Opportunities
Wholesale Book Purchases (no minimum requirement)

Independent publisher

All categories


BBL Publishing logo BBL Publishing

BBL Media & Publishing helps writers realize their dreams of sharing their message with the world. We blend the best aspects of traditional publishing with the creative control and speed to market of self-publishing through our Hybrid publishing company. We are also one of the few who specialize in publicity and marketing, which starts long before your book is published, and continues for the life of our partnership.

We’ve put together a team of seasoned writing, publishing, editorial, design, and book marketing experts who believe in partnering with authors to bring messages that matter to the world – using the highest standards in the industry.

A proud member of the Independent Book Publishers Association, BBL Publishing is a Hybrid Publisher focusing on the Health, Wellness and Spirituality genre, both fiction and non-fiction. We partner with our authors to bring the best possible book to market and work closely through the entire process of manuscript development, editing, titling, design, author platform development and book launch. This partnership allows for some reduced upfront costs for you, the credibility and global distribution that self-publishing does not offer, with the flexibility and speed-to-market that traditional big publishing houses cannot provide.
As a hybrid publisher, we assemble our select team of professionals to work hand-in-hand with our authors based on the type of project and overall goals of the book. Unlike many publishers, we select only a handful of projects each year .

Hybrid publisher

Business, Cookbooks, Health, Journalism, Literary Fiction, Memoirs, Mind & Body, Politics, Professional, Self-Help, Travel


Book Agency logo Book Agency

We empower authors to be marketed properly. We've produced award-winning authors and we believe in the power of #Collaboration Publishing is about shaping up happy authors for the next generation. We have partnered with award-winning hosts specifically for Christianity, Faith-based books; Fantasy, music, Young adult and romance; Sports, Business and Political books.

Hybrid publisher

All categories


Cranthorpe Millner logo Cranthorpe Millner

Too many beautifully written books are rejected on a regular basis because the submitting author doesn’t have a strong enough author platform.

The barriers for authors are getting higher and the publishing industry less discerning and more unscrupulous.

By operating a hybrid publishing model, Cranthorpe Millner can invite authors to publish with us based on the merit of the manuscript alone.

Hybrid publisher

All categories

Canada, United Kingdom, United States

eBooks2go logo eBooks2go

eBooks2go, Inc., was founded in 2011 to provide the missing link for all your publishing needs. Our end-to-end solutions provide the guidance and support that enable publishers and independent authors to pursue their passions. To date, we have helped more than 750 authors and 100 publishers worldwide.

Our Mission
eBooks2go is where dreams get published! We are devoted to grooming authors and publishers for long-term success. We strive to deliver high-quality products, sustainable marketing strategies, and a positive customer experience throughout the entire publishing process. Our experienced staff will directly work with you to help your books enthrall and entertain readers.

We Are the Catalyst for Your Writing Career
eBooks2go offers an array of simple and affordable solutions to assist self-publishing authors at every stage of the book publishing process. Our comprehensive service offering includes editing, print and eBook production, book marketing, cover designs, ISBN registration, and even website designs. We are the single source for all of your publishing needs.

Profit from Your Passion
eBooks2go is invested in your publishing goals! Follow your ambitions and contact us today to learn more about the personalized publishing experience we offer!

Hybrid publisher

All categories


Happy About logo Happy About

Through our imprints and series, we've published over 800 books. Happy About and Super Star Press are for traditional books, 42 Rules is comprised of 42 five hundred-word articles and THiNKaha is comprised of 140 bite-sized quotes and seven blog posts. Our goal with all of our imprints and series is to make the author happy and achieve their goals.

A book is an asset that should be used by the author to drive more business. Whether that's speaking, consulting or selling more product, a book is designed to make you the recognized expert in your help you be the thought leader.

Our job is to focus on the backend infrastructure and mechanics of publishing while you focus on marketing both your book and your brand. It's a partnership that we enjoy having with hundreds of authors and will share the best tools, techniques and processes we know to help you be successful. Part of publishing with us includes the creation of an AHAbook on AHAthat which is a great way to have your content amplified in social media.

Hybrid publisher

Business, Health, Journalism, Lifestyle, Mind & Body, Politics, Professional, Self-Help, Technology


LifeTree Media logo LifeTree Media

LifeTree Media is an award-winning, values-driven, forward-thinking hybrid publishing company specializing in books and ebooks that help, heal and inspire. We believe that authors should have access to high-quality, elegant publishing services and full-scale in-store distribution without having to give up their publishing rights or control over the timing and execution of their book.

Many of our clients are first-time authors who know a great deal about how to help make the world a better place, but who need help translating that knowledge into a compelling book. That's where we come in. Wordsmiths, idea sculptors and enthusiastic cheerleaders for the human race, we make a difference in the world by helping authors to make their difference in the world.

Hybrid publisher

Business, Health, History, Lifestyle, Memoirs, Mind & Body, Politics, Self-Help


Mascot Books logo Mascot Books

We are a full service book publishing company that works closely with independent authors in every phase of writing/editorial, book production, book marketing, and book distribution. Our roster includes bestselling authors who have previously traditionally published, first time authors, and authors at various levels in between.

What separates Mascot is our hands-on approach to publishing. We work closely with each author in all phases of the publishing process. Mascot authors benefit from our industry experience, connections, and our commitment to keep up with the latest trends in the ever-evolving world of publishing.

Hybrid publisher

All categories

Morgan James logo Morgan James

Morgan James Publishing has revolutionized book publishing—from the author’s standpoint.

Morgan James teaches authors strategies to leverage their books and grow their businesses—adding value while staying out of the way.

Regularly ranked by Publishers Weekly as one of the fastest growing publishers in the nation, Morgan James is reported to be “the future of publishing.”

Hybrid publisher

Business, Health, Journalism, Literary Fiction, Professional, Religious, Self-Help, Technology


Prodigy Gold Books logo Prodigy Gold Books

The History
Prodigy Publishing Group was founded in 2009 and has been steadily publishing distinguishable trade paperback fiction since. Its flagship imprint Prodigy Gold Books is spearheading its journey with a fall 2017 line up that includes four novels by four authors sure to delight readers. Prodigy Gold Books is dedicated to publishing a variety of must-read books on a wide array of topics and genres.

The Mission
Our mission is to showcase established voices and to introduce emerging new ones—both fiction and nonfiction genres.

Hybrid publisher

All categories


RJ Parker Publishing logo RJ Parker Publishing

Why Publish with RJPP?

The book business is a difficult pursuit. Especially for an Independent writer. The decision to go it alone and self-publish, or go with a small press is strictly an individual business decision. Hiring professional freelance resources like editors, cover designers, and formatters can be daunting enough. Let alone that dreaded marketing and promotion. All of that takes precious time away from what you could be doing. Writing!

With an experienced Literary Agent, award-winning Author, publicist, and publisher like RJ Parker, you don't have to do it alone. RJPP offers years of success and reputation to represent you and your work. Ask yourself, “Do I want to succeed? Is my book worthy of reaping all it is worth and then some?” If you take pride in your work and want to excel to the top, RJ Parker will implement his years of knowledge and skills learned as an industry leader in marketing to get your work into the hands of the people who matter.

What about the nitty-gritty financial workings?

We don't pay advances as a traditional firm does. (which in this business, an advance is used against royalties before you get paid) BUT, we DO pay a much higher royalty rate AND you get paid every month! The standard industry royalty rate is 12-16%. We pay 50% to established writers, and 40% to new authors. (New authors will pay a setup fee). For the majority of authors, we pay the cost of editing, cover artist, ISBN number, formatting, etc.


If you are looking for mediocrity or status quo, RJ Parker may not be a good fit for you. However, Parker is a go-getter in the industry who will not cease until he makes your dreams become your reality!

Please send your proposal to and include:
Book Title
Book Description
Synopsis (what your book is about and why you think it’s a good fit with RJPP)
A brief bio, including your city of residence, and publication history
First two chapters

Hybrid publisher

Business, Children's, Cookbooks, Health, History, Journalism, Lifestyle, Memoirs, Mind & Body, Politics, Professional, Religious, Self-Help, Sports, Technology, Travel

Canada, United Kingdom, United States

1106 Design, LLC logo 1106 Design, LLC

Dear Author,

Congratulations on writing your book!

Options abound in today's publishing world, and it can be difficult to tell the difference between traditional publishers, hybrid publishers, subsidy publishers, and self-publishing companies.

1106 Design offers independent publishing as it was initially intended, with you, the author, as the publisher. We don't publish your book, you do, and we'll show you how with our signature hand-holding at every step.

We offer publishing-house-quality manuscript editing, cover design, interior design and layout, proofreading, eBook formatting, author websites, and book marketing assistance, to help you produce a beautiful, market-ready book. Then we'll help you obtain printing and distribution in your name, so 100% of the proceeds are paid directly to you.

Work with us, and you'll retain complete control of the creative process, your design files, and your revenue stream, and your book will be available for sale in a matter of months.

Here's a price summary of our most popular services for books 50,000 words and under:

Cover Design starting at $715
Interior Layout with Proofreading starting at $1,390
Copyediting: $33 per thousand words
Ebook Formatting starting at $590

You can find the prices for all our services here:

Is it worth it? Click the links below to view our cover and interior design samples and customer reviews to decide for yourself:

If you would like a custom quote, please email your completed manuscript to and let us know which services you need. Don't worry; we won’t share your manuscript with anyone else.

Questions? We'll be happy to talk to you. Please use this link to choose a convenient time:

At 1106 Design, we love helping authors create great books! We hope to hear from you soon.

Michele DeFilippo

Service publisher

Business, Children's, Cookbooks, Fantasy, Health, History, Journalism, Lifestyle, Literary Fiction, Memoirs, Mind & Body, Mystery, Novella, Politics, Professional, Religious, Sci-Fi, Science, Self-Help, Sports, Technology, Thriller, Travel, Young Adult


Atmosphere Press logo Atmosphere Press

Atmosphere Press is an independent full-service publisher for books in genres ranging from non-fiction to fiction to poetry to children's picturebooks, with a special emphasis on being an author-friendly approach to getting a book into the world. We're professional, honest, and kind.

Here’s what we stand for:

Honesty: because our mission is to be author-friendly, that means always giving honest advice about the ins and outs of the authorial life. We are dedicated to sticking by one of our founding precepts: “if I were the author, what would I want to know?”

Transparency: publishing is rife with dodgy behavior, from predatory vanity presses who promise the moon to traditional presses who make book changes without the author’s permission. We’re dedicated to letting you see the wizard behind the curtain, so you can rest easy that everything’s on the up and up.

Professionalism: with decades of combined years of writing, editing, designing, and publishing experience, our staff knows the ins and outs of the industry, and will be responsive and helpful. And of course, we will only publish books that truly contribute something wonderful to the world.

Kindness: as an author-friendly press, we take the word “friendly” seriously. A good publisher shouldn’t be just a business partner, but should be full of people you’d want to invite to dinner. Whether it be making a good joke or allaying your worries about being an author, kindness is our hallmark.

Making Your Book Awesome: we really can’t settle for anything less. We want our authors and their readers to be blown away when they first hold that book in their hands. It needs to look good inside and out, and feel good to the touch. And, of course, the words need to be top-notch, and our editors are devoted to making that the case.

Service publisher

All categories


Authors Unite logo Authors Unite

We've now worked with 250+ authors.

Learn more about what we do and see some testimonials here:

We look forward to working with you.

Tyler & The Authors Unite Team

Service publisher

Business, Health, Lifestyle, Memoirs, Mind & Body, Politics, Professional, Religious, Science, Self-Help, Sports, Technology, Travel


Bookmobile logo Bookmobile

Based in Minneapolis, Minnesota, Bookmobile provides book printing, graphic design, and other resources to support book publishers in an ever-changing environment. Superior quality, excellent customer service, flexibility, and timely turnarounds have attracted nearly 1,000 satisfied clients to Bookmobile, including trade houses, university presses, independent publishers, museums, galleries, artists, and more.

Service publisher

Business, Children's, Cookbooks, Fantasy, Health, History, Journalism, Lifestyle, Literary Fiction, Memoirs, Mind & Body, Mystery, Politics, Professional, Religious, Romance, Sci-Fi, Science, Self-Help, Sports, Technology, Thriller, Travel, Young Adult


Happy Self Publishing logo Happy Self Publishing

We have helped 250+ authors to get their books self-published, hit the #1 position in the Amazon bestseller charts and also establish their author website & brand to grow their business. And the best thing is, we do all this without taking away your rights and royalties. Our publishing packages start at $699! Let's schedule a call to discuss the next steps in your book project:

Service publisher

All categories


Project Bestseller logo Project Bestseller

Bestsellers are great. Long-term sellers are even better. We'll help you do both.

Project Bestseller is about creating bestsellers. More importantly, it’s about building author platforms and long-term success. We’re building books that sell well over time, generate income for their authors, and create a lasting impact for their readers.

How? The surface answer to this question is:
- crafting each book for maximum appeal to readers
- editing, design, and production with quality to match or exceed traditional publishers
- building an author platform to build loyalty and reach
- optimizing marketing elements such as keywords, categories, and sales copy
- leveraging promotion and advertising to generate sales at a profit

A deeper answer is: with strategy, curiosity, and intense passion.

Why? We believe good books should sell. If you're like most of our clients, you have a big vision for your book. It represents you. It says something about who you are. Now you’re ready for it to start touching lives.

You can probably think of half a dozen books that have become part of the grain of your life, because they gave you exactly what you needed at the time—whether it was a feeling, an experience, a different perspective, or just the information you needed to unlock your next possibility.

Now it's your turn. We can help you impact your readers with your book. It's what we do.

We've been helping authors finish and publish their books since 2012. Services include: ghostwriting, editing, cover design, book design, formatting, publishing guidance, launch planning, marketing.

Service publisher

Business, Health, Lifestyle, Memoirs, Mind & Body, Professional, Religious, Self-Help, Travel


Snippet from "Why I wrote this book - my personal story"

For a long time, I did not understand why I had to go through so much pain in my life. Today, I do, and I do not regret anything that happened in my life as it has equipped me with everything I need to help people today. I feel blessed and am grateful for the life I have had so far. I believe in authenticity, vulnerability, and honesty. By sharing my story with you, I intend to normalize our need to protect and pretend because it is so scary to talk about what happened to us. In my experience, if we want to create more love and connection, we have to show up real. No hiding. Honoring our experiences. Besides, it will give you a better impression of why I do what I do and hopefully, you’ll be able to trust me a little bit more, after reading this book. I am so glad you decided to dedicate some of your time to reading this book. Thank you very much!

For as long as I can remember, I felt like I lived in a bubble, like I was disappearing into the void, feeling deeply alone and isolated. I was a tremendously sensitive child who literally felt everything that happened around myself. I felt everyone’s feelings, pain and hurt, penetrating me, affecting me, unloading onto me, as if I was the recycler for everyone’s pain. My mother’s unloved heart, her frustrations, anger and hopelessness, my father’s longings for a deeper connection, my sister’s feelings of unworthiness, all projected onto me. Apart from that, I had to deal with my own very elaborate feeling world. It was simply unbearable. What was I supposed to do with all of that? I was just a child, walking through life with a very heavy heart, feeling extremely stupid and ugly, hated by most, carrying an unmet longing for something I couldn’t put my finger on yet. 


My childhood was a world of fears. A fear that accompanied me throughout life. Already at 2-3 years old, I woke up in the middle of the night in terror, unable to move, paralyzed, until I finally made my way over to my parents’ bedroom, where my dad lifted the blanket, and I crawled in quietly to sleep between my mum and my dad, trying not to wake up my mum. She was exhausted from a hard day. She was not exactly delighted to have me disturb her sleep. I kept having the same dream. I screamed at the top of my lungs, but no voice came out. Over and over again. I didn’t know by then what it meant, but later on, it became apparent how I longed for my mom to actually hold me and ask me “why are you afraid, honey? Tell me all about it. I am here with you.” Mummy? Where are you? You are lying right next to me, and still, I cannot see you. I cannot feel you. Who are you?


I started my trail of broken relationships. My experiences with men were mostly painful. Everywhere I turned, I met an absence of love, (sexual) rejection, proof that something about myself was not good enough, emotional abuse and dependency. I kept searching for something that seemed not to exist for me. And then he came along. My biggest nightmare and my angel of awakening at the same time. That’s when the typical love addict (me) met the perfect match made in hell - the avoidant love addict (him). You will learn all about that special bond in this book later on. What followed was one and a half years of the most horrible relationship I ever had. I entered an abusive cycle of attraction, pursuit, denial, idolization, manipulation, loss of self, dumping, ghosting, hoovering back in, repeat, repeat, repeat, until I sat on a psychologist’s chair asking him to take me off work, because I felt like I really couldn’t do life anymore. I was completely dependent on him. I was trying to make him love me, and it just did not work. Whenever we got close, and the love between us grew, he would take his sword and destroy it – out of fear mostly. 


I was often angry with God during the first two years of therapy. I did not understand how he could send me through so much pain for such a long time. Today, I do understand it. I had to go this deep so I can take people this deep. Whatever it is that I am writing about in this book, I have been there. In the depth of it and I want to help. I have always been blessed with a powerful intuition and an almost clairsentient gift, meaning that I feel what people feel. It’s like I look at a table and I see that at the back of one leg, there is a hole even if it is not visible to my eye. I love people. And I am deeply compassionate for the path they have walked. I respect them and their feelings, and I give them space to express them, and I try to guide them in learning to do so. I have an innate longing to serve and actually find great pleasure in doing so. I have been blessed with a super awareness, ever since I was 27, and walk through life metaphorically next to myself, continually observing, reflecting, and learning about how I show up in this world. 

Snippet from "What is Love Addiction?"

Most people would never combine the words Love and Addiction. It is, in fact, the least recognised form of addiction (Peele, Stanton; Brodsky, Archie). On the other hand, it is probably one of the most common of humankind, and it leads - like any other addiction - to great suffering. I am not surprised if you haven’t given much thought about whether or not you might be addicted to love, because the very nature of Love Addiction is denial. Often, we lack awareness around this subject. We don’t know that we are addicted to love, and we do not see the problems our behaviour causes. We fail to recognise the fact that we are the common denominator in our failed relationships, where we easily and readily put the blame on our dates, lovers, partners, or anyone else we are entangled with. Often, we find ourselves in the position of victim and cannot understand how we continuously attract emotionally unavailable or even abusive partners. This does not mean that it is our fault. None of this is about fault. It just means that we failed to look at what we contributed to a situation, what our part in it is, and where we did not take full responsibility for our own well-being. Denial is so strong, because it allows us to avoid dealing with our desperate problematic behaviour, feelings, and unmet needs that lie beneath it all. 

If we look at the characteristics of any addiction, it is the obsessive, compulsive need or dependence upon something. This can be a substance such as drugs or alcohol or non-substances such as an object, a relationship, love, or an activity (gambling, social media platforms). 

We are drawn to addictions, because of the way they make us feel. We use it as an escape, and it allows us to avoid and numb painful feelings, and, in addition to that, to avoid reality and the self. Addictions also help to deal with our pain related to unfulfilled needs and longings. 


Love Addiction Definition:

“A strong, unhealthy physiological and psychological desire and/or dependence on the continuous presence of love and attention. It is usually accompanied by a compulsion to find and keep love and feel loved at all times. It also includes an inability to stand centered, self-assured with clear beliefs, values and standards in life, quickly compromising oneself at the potential threat of losing love. It also involves a deep, aching need for security, a diminished sense of self, as well as an involuntary dependence on another person - love being, in the end, a self-serving device.“


Love for me was a way to fill an internal emptiness, a painful void that I carried inside of myself for as long as I could remember. It temporarily took away some of my deep-rooted pain, and it made me feel alive, worthy, and loved. For a moment, I was able to escape my profound loneliness and isolation, and it let me forget about my fears and anxiety that I carried inside myself. When I was with my guy, I felt so connected, as if, all of a sudden, my life had meaning. I would forget everything around me, until I was alone again. Being and feeling connected really helped me to control my feelings, for a moment, the pain was gone. Even romanticising or daydreaming about him or us gave me a great feeling. In my mind, I would often have a whole movie going on about how we met by chance, in the fields, where I was walking. Him looking so beautiful with the sun going down behind him, and he would ask me with his sexy voice something like this: 

“I have been looking for you everywhere!” My heart would melt, hearing these lines. Even just fantasising gave me a new rush of pleasure, a “high”, so to speak. It also allowed me to have a break from what I was tired of feeling or unwilling, often, unable to feel.

Snippet from "2.2 Reason Nr. 2: The early absence of Love and Childhood Trauma"

The second reason for love addiction is something I understood very deeply and have explored in my own life. It is the very reason why I do what I do and the result of the work I offer today. It enabled me to turn my life around, 180 degrees, and I know what it takes to do so. I have experienced, first-hand, how much of an addict I really was. How I was looking for that next shot of heroin called love and how, without it, I would be completely lost, unable to live. It took away every dignity, every possibility, every hope, and it has brought me to my knees, basically to where you say “I’m done with this life. I’m just going to end it right now.” Had there not been my family and friends that I truly cared about, I don’t know what I would have done. I was really ready to give up. I faced death in these moments and I thought, “where do I go from here? Why be alive, when all I feel is utter hopelessness?” Death seemed so much more attractive to me than life. I thank god that in these moments, I had help. Instead of remaining in this comatose state, I had help in exploring the feelings that were behind all of my desperations. Diving into the feelings actually took away the component of suffering them. I will explain all of that in detail, when we come to the part about HOW we are actually going to overcome it. The point is that, what I found beyond my desperation, that utter pain that I found beyond not wanting to be alive, is what ignited my healing. 

In simple words, it is the horrific pain of early absence of love. Specialists call it childhood trauma or early abandonment from our caregivers. 

When we are born, we are little beings, full of needs, and we are fully dependent on someone else to take care of us. We need to be fed, dressed, bathed, put to sleep, and kept safe, but, most importantly, besides the obvious needs for food, shelter, and safety, we need to be held, cuddled, loved, seen, validated, paid attention to, touched, looked at, talked to, and respected in our feelings. In other words, we need to be deeply loved. And we need it at the time we need it. If these needs are not met at the moment we need it, meaning if we are not loved when we need it, we are in deep pain & we translate that into feeling unworthy & unloved. To me, that was where my never-ending feeling of not being good enough came from that so many of us face and that keeps so many of us living up to our true potential, making things happen for us, living that great version of our self.

Not experiencing that deep love truly means we might die. I have been there, I have felt exactly how I felt when experiencing that early absence of love and whether we have been loved in such a way or not will be decisive for whether we will be thriving in life later on or not. 

We need to understand that Love and a safe attachment allows our brain to develop adequately which builds resilience that allows us to deal with the challenges later on in life. I am now talking about the important work of Dr. Bruce Perry, Child & Adolescence psychiatrist and neuro scientist who says that the brain reflects the world you grew up in. If that world is relationally impoverished, if people are not really talking with each other or resent each other or there is any form of adversity such as for example stress related to money, a child won't get adequate stimulation of the parts of the brain involved in forming and maintaining healthy relationships and you will be fundamentally self-absorbed. The seed of resilience comes from at least one secure attachment experienced in childhood! That is what makes children do well later on in life. To me Dr. Perry does probably one of the most impactful and also important work in this world. In the Childhood Trauma Academy, he treats children with a traumatic background, creating opportunities for consistent, predictable, nurturing & relational interactions to shift some of the traumatic imprint these kids have received due to impoverished relationships and childhood trauma.

Here comes the sad truth; for most of us, that quality of love has not been available. Most of us have repeatedly not had our needs answered when we needed it. Very early in life, we learned that our intrinsic needs for validation, love, and connection with one or both parents were not met. Many of us did not have a secure attachment and good bonding experiences and we felt very neglected, deprived, and abandoned many times. Sure, most of us had had the basic needs fulfilled, such as food, shelter, and safety. However, the subtler needs, such as deep connection, love, presence, care, and attention, were oftentimes completely neglected. Our parents probably meant well, but they could not give what they had not been given themselves. That early absence of love shapes and wires our system and the way we experience life today...

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  • Can Cotuk
    on Nov. 15, 2018, 8:10 a.m.

    Good luck! I love your work and I believe in you.

  • Shirley van Straaten
    on Nov. 16, 2018, 7:58 a.m.

    What an amazing offer ... and a great platform to host it!!! I wish you every success, darling, and I've been watching your personal journey with great interest. Keep it up ... onward and upward!!! 💪❣💋

  • Jan Mehlhose
    on Nov. 21, 2018, 7:07 p.m.

    We cannot wait to read the book! The podcast is amazing :)

  • Béatrice Ingold
    on Nov. 28, 2018, 2:51 p.m.

    Honey - I am so deeply proud of you and happy to be a part of this group. You created something really impactful. Let's build up this community.

  • Niek Wagemans
    on Dec. 4, 2018, 1:41 p.m.

    Just bought the book dear Aleah, wouldn't mind the date. Good luck with your work

  • Elisabeth Rooks
    on Dec. 4, 2018, 2:54 p.m.

    All the very best& I'm looking forward to reading your book

  • Amber Nicole Turner
    on Dec. 6, 2018, 6:52 p.m.

    I just bought 3 copies of your Are You Sure Its Love Book! I am so looking forward to reading it, learning and growing. Wishing you every success Aleah! Keep going!!! Love Amber xxx

  • Bjorn Heijligers
    on Dec. 8, 2018, 3:53 p.m.

    Thank you for creating a doorway for people to find a new kind of love. Keep up the great work!

  • Nadja Eriksson
    on Dec. 9, 2018, 12:16 p.m.

    Hey baby, good work, can't wait to read your book baby. <3

  • Amy Dyer
    on Dec. 9, 2018, 9:18 p.m.

    Love watching you on this journey. A constant source of inspiration. You Rock!

  • Frank Vorrath
    on Dec. 10, 2018, 6:41 p.m.

    Always a pleasure and keep going and believe in yourself! Best, Frank😀

  • Hans Ruethemann
    on Dec. 13, 2018, 2:36 p.m.

    We wish you the best success with this! What great work! Congratulations!

    on Dec. 13, 2018, 4:31 p.m.

    Love was you're doing. Very proud of you Aleah. Love Adam x