Christianity has not been kind to
queer people. Certainly, there is some evidence that certain points in
Christian history have been kinder than others,[1]
but overall, queer folk have not found a welcome home in the Christian religion.[2]
Despite the relative acceptance of queer people that has been occurring in
recent decades among many mainline Christian (and other) denominations, most
Christian groups are still overwhelmingly negative in their view of alternative
sexualities and relationships.[3]
Many Christian churches are still dangerous places to be queer.

The negative theology that queer
people hear from the pulpit on a weekly basis leads not only to emotional and
psychological anguish, but also often leads to physical self-harm. One of the
most pernicious strategies of the anti-queer Christian movement is to
accentuate statistics and studies showing low self-esteem, high levels of drug
abuse, and lower life expectancies among queer folk. Two of the most malicious
expounders of these skewed studies are Paul Cameron[4]
and James Dobson.[5]
Many of the myths promulgated by these preachers of hate have been debunked.[6]
However, their influence continues unabated within fundamentalist circles.

If we are to give the preachers of
hate the benefit of the doubt (which I don’t), and just assume they are coming
at their conclusions because their worldview clouds their judgment, and not
because they are manipulating the facts from a place of fear and loathing, it
is clear to see one glaring omission in their methodology: cause and effect.

While the levels of drug abuse and
rates of life expectancy among queer communities varies depending on many
factors, and depending on which study one chooses to focus on, it is probably
true to some extent that at least drug abuse is higher and self-esteem is lower
in some queer communities than in some straight communities. This is dependent
on cultural and geographical factors. Where queer drug abuse is higher and
self-esteem is lower than in straight communities, it is also true that
fundamentalism is more prevalent and the geographical region is more
conservative than in communities with a healthier queer populace.[7]

What the anti-queer fundamentalists
fail to understand is that, at the very least, their own discriminatory
preaching, and the culture such preaching creates - sometimes in huge
geographical regions - reinforces internalized phobia within people of
alternative sexualities, which then may lead to lower self-esteem, drug abuse,
and other practices that decrease the quality of life for queer people. Such
preaching may not be the sole cause of such devastating effects, but it
certainly doesn’t help.

Another odd notion that is often in
the minds of fundamentalists is the strange idea of a “gay lifestyle,” as if
there is only one way of “being queer.” It seems that most fundamentalist, and
a lot of people who don’t identify as fundamentalist or religious in any way,
think the only thing queer folk do is have sex all day and go clubbing all
night. There may be some queer people who do live this way, but I haven’t met
them.

Confining all queer people into one
stereotypical category of identity based on perverse notions of indiscriminate
sexual activity (which does happen, but not to the extent of the fundamentalist
imagination) and hedonism contributes to and fuels their negative views of
queer people. While there is usually a kernel of truth in most stereotypes, no
stereotype totally encapsulates any demographic, and the same is true for the
queer demographic. We are as diverse as any other demographic, and should be
seen in that diversity. Otherwise, the reduction of queer people into a certain
behavioral category makes it more difficult for understanding to occur on both
sides of the issue, and it simply gives non-queer people a false view of queer
identities. After all, people are what they are,
not what they do.

Since there is a cause and effect
relationship between fundamentalist Christianity and low self-esteem and drug
abuse of queer people, especially teens, it is my contention that
fundamentalist environments are harmful to queer youth and adults, and the best
choice, if possible, is for a queer person to remove himself or herself from
those environments. There are religious options within which queer people can
find acceptance and welcome. There is also the option to leave faith groups
entirely, and not a few queer folks have chosen that as their only option for
survival. Sometimes, religion is so toxic that it requires a person to leave it
entirely.

Whatever your choice, it must be
yours. It cannot be chosen for you. Many of us have learned this lesson from
our experience with reparative therapy. You are who you are, and your choices
must correspond to your identity. When it comes to the merger of faith and sexuality,
some seem to be designed in such a way as to be incapable of thriving outside
of a religious community. Others of us have been forced as young children and
teens to belong to a religious community, but only discovered how to breathe
when we gathered the courage the leave religious communities altogether. And a
small minority within the queer community – I count myself in this category –
go back and forth between faith and nonbelief, or belong to religious
communities with significant atheist and/or humanist undertones.

There is no right or wrong way to
respond to your emotional, spiritual, and physical needs when it comes to your
faith and sexuality. We are all different, and have different needs in this
regard. Trying to force a fit never works. So, as you read my story and find
out the choices I made at various twists and turns throughout my life, I hope
you don’t read it as an instruction manual, but rather as a tale of one
person’s journey navigating through the ragged landscape of faith and sexuality.
Take what’s encouraging or useful. Discard what’s not.

• Update #10 - One More Step Nov. 3, 2017

  For those of you who pre-ordered, we’re just waiting on one more little edit (top margin space) before I get your copies, sign them & …

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• Update #9 - Getting Close~ Sept. 29, 2017

  Hello Dear Supporters!

  The final internal design and proof is being completed. I am at the mercy of my publisher as to a certain publication …

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• Update #8 - August Update Aug. 13, 2017

  Dear Supporters,

  Just a short update as we approach publication: contract with the publisher is signed, book cover art/design has been chosen, and the editing …

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• Update #7 - July Update July 12, 2017

  Dear Supporters,

  I just wanted to send a short update to let you know the manuscript is still with the publisher. I should be getting …

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• Update #6 - Sending Manuscript to Publisher! June 3, 2017

  Hello Friends,

  I will be sending the edited and revised draft of my manuscript to the publisher this afternoon for further editing and revision. As …

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• Update #5 - First Draft Finished! May 29, 2017

  Dear Friends,

  I'm happy to announce that my first draft is now finished, and I've begun working on edits and revising the second draft. I …

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• Update #4 - May 19 Update May 20, 2017

  Hello Friends,

  Just a quick note to let you know that I'm up to the year 2015 in my memoir. I'm almost done with my …

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• Update #3 - May 12 Update May 13, 2017

  Happy Friday, Friends!

  I've spent most of the evening writing, and spoke with an interested publisher this afternoon. I am happy with the progress I'm …

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• Update #2 - May 5 Update May 6, 2017

  Not sure if my update yesterday went out, so just resending it to make sure.

  
  

  Dear Friends and Supporters,

  It's been a productive day of …

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• Update #1 - May 5 Update April 30, 2017

  Dear Friends and Supporters,

  It's been a productive day of writing, and I just hit the 50% mark on my expected word count. The memories …

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