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| Part 1 |

Conquering the Chaos: An Introduction to Bipolar Mood and the Possibility of Happiness

 

Chapter 1 | My Mood - The Ever Shifting Sky

Imagine standing beneath a vast, open sky. One moment, it's a serene canvas of gentle blues and soft, cotton-like clouds. The next, a tempestuous storm rages, dark clouds swirling, lightning flashing across the horizon, and thunder echoing through your very bones.

Then, just as suddenly, the storm recedes, leaving behind a sky washed clean, the sun’s rays breaking through, promising a renewed sense of calm.

This, in essence, is the landscape of my mood, a sky that is rarely still, a panorama that shifts with a breathtaking, and often bewildering, rapidity.

This isn’t a metaphor meant to romanticize or simplify the experience of living with bipolar disorder. It's a raw, visceral description of the internal weather patterns that have shaped my life. From the dizzying heights of euphoria, where the world seemed painted in vibrant, hyper-real colors, to the crushing depths of despair, where even the simplest tasks like getting out of bed and showering felt insurmountable, my emotional life has been a constant dance with extremes. This chapter is an attempt to map that ever-shifting sky, to trace the contours of my moods, and to begin to understand the forces that drive these dramatic changes. It’s a journey into the heart of my personal experience with bipolar disorder, a journey that begins with the simple, yet profoundly complex, question: What does it feel like to live beneath a sky that never stays the same?

I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder just several years ago. I didn’t accept it right away, although I couldn’t deny the current inside. The shifts and surges. The whispers. “You are too much.” “Unstable.” “Hyper.” “Obnoxious”, “Lazy”, and my favorite: “Moody”. I have been called all of these things and more, including by myself.

I thought all those names were on point although hurtful, but then I learned that the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5) clearly outlines these mood episodes, emphasizing the significant functional impairment they can cause such as difficulty concentrating and focusing, increased impulsivity and irritability, grandiosity and inflated self-esteem in a manic or hypomanic episode, as well as fatigue and low energy, feelings of worthlessness and guilt, and changes in appetite and sleep in a depressive episode (American Psychiatric Association, 2013).

The "highs," known as manic or hypomanic episodes, can feel like superpowers. Ideas flow effortlessly, energy is boundless, and a sense of invincibility takes hold. But this exhilarating peak is often a deceptive mirage. Dr. Kay Redfield Jamison, a renowned expert on bipolar disorder, describes mania as "a flight into brilliance and excess," but cautions that "the price of such a flight is often devastating." (Jamison, 1995) The rush can lead to impulsive decisions, reckless behaviour, and a disconnect from reality. Sleep becomes a distant memory you long for, replaced by a relentless drive that can exhaust and ultimately break you. Even after just one night of missed sleep, I would feel like a zombie at work: unable to stop, but also unable to rest. Imagine going through a few nights like that. It is not an exaggeration to say it’s enough to break, even destroy you.  

Then comes the inevitable crash – the "lows". Depression. A heavy blanket. Darkness. No energy, just tears. An intense, unpredictable journey. But let me back up just a little bit: even before the crash there is a sense of impending doom when you know that it’s coming. When it does, all your energy and motivation fly out the window. The world turns grey, and even the smallest spark of hope seems extinguished. Depression descends like a suffocating blanket, smothering joy and motivation. Simple tasks become insurmountable mountains.

This isn't just sadness; it's a profound, all-encompassing despair that can feel utterly inescapable. Research indicates that individuals with bipolar disorder experience significantly higher rates of suicidal ideation and attempts compared to the general population (Baldessarini et al., 2006). This was something a friend with a child with bipolar warned me after my first diagnosis, when I challenged the idea of taking meds. “You must, must, must take meds. If you don’t, eventually you might try to end your life,” At that time I was like, hello, I was a young (ish. Shut up.) hot, mother of two (meaning I have a lot to live for) with a great career, why ON EARTH would I want to kill myself? It made no sense whatsoever. Alas, just as predicted, merely a year later, I found myself praying out loud for God to take my life, after a simple emotional trigger that my mind magnified way out of proportion. It was then that my husband took me to get medicated, just as I had asked him a year prior to the incident, if ever I showed any desire of ending my own life, which must mean this illness was something too far beyond my control and what was logical to me.  

Living with bipolar disorder is like navigating a ship through unpredictable seas. It is a constant evolution. Mood, energy, function—all demanding attention. You learn to read the currents, anticipate the storms, and find ways to stay afloat. It's a journey of self-discovery, requiring constant vigilance and self-compassion - things you’re not necessarily born with but can absolutely learn.

Understanding the bipolar spectrum isn't just about recognizing these extremes; it's about mapping the territory in between. There are subtle shifts, early warning signs that a swing is coming. Learning to recognize these nuances is crucial for navigating the disorder.  

###td ###Mania

###td ###The most intense high. Characterized by euphoria, racing thoughts, impulsivity, decreased need for sleep, and sometimes psychosis. Neuroimaging studies have shown increased activity in brain regions associated with reward and emotion processing during manic episodes (Phillips & Swartz, 2014). A manic episode occurs in patients with Bipolar Disorder Type I. 

###td ###Hypomania

###td ###A milder form of mania that occurs in patients with Bipolar Disorder II. Energy is high, but symptoms are less severe and disruptive.  In my experience, it has involved spending money I don’t have on things I don’t need (who needs FIVE new black lingerie?), deciding out of the blue that I needed a badass wolf tattoo on my arm, which I had to get “RIGHT NOW”, working from morning ‘til morning to prepare a simple presentation that could have been done possible in two separate days of work like a normal person, texting with so many guys at once to a point that I could no longer remember who’s who, and at times, radical bursts of expressed anger (I once legit kicked someone out of a meeting because I decided she wasn’t being a team player. (lol, yeah, who made me the queen of the world?) PS: If you are reading this, I am REALLY sorry).

###td ###Depression

###td ###The low end of the spectrum. Feelings of sadness, hopelessness, fatigue, loss of interest in activities, and changes in sleep and appetite. Cognitive theories suggest that negative thought patterns play a significant role in the development and maintenance of depression in bipolar disorder (Beck, 1976). To me depression typically feels like this: staying awake all night worrying that you’re not sleeping like the rest of the world (aka not “normal” or that something is seriously wrong with you), eventually falling asleep as the morning comes, waking up at a 3 pm CRYING, and continuing to cry until the time you go back to sleep.

To qualify for a diagnosis of Major Depressive Disorder, the DSM-5 requires five or more specific symptoms (read about them in chapter 5), including either depressed mood or loss of interest, to be present for at least two weeks, causing significant impairment (American Psychiatric Association, 2013). When depression hits, I am completely nonfunctional for 2 to 3 weeks, which, I came to notice, was relatively lucky compared to some others I know who may experience depression for months at a time. My dearest reader, if you are going through depression right now, even as the shadows lengthen and the words on these pages seem to blur, know that your story is not yet finished. You are a character of immense strength, weathering a difficult chapter, and I believe in your resilience. Hold onto the hope that the dawn will break, and remember, you are never truly alone in the narratives we share.

###td ###Mixed Features

###td ###This specifier indicates the presence of symptoms from the opposite mood pole during a manic, hypomanic, or depressive episode. For example, someone experiencing a manic episode might also exhibit symptoms of depression, such as feelings of sadness, loss of interest, or suicidal ideation. Conversely, someone in a depressive episode might also experience symptoms of mania or hypomania, such as increased energy, racing thoughts, or impulsivity. (American Psychiatric Association, 2013). I’ve had this a few times and can affirm that it is a confusing and distressing state, like your mind is racing with ideas, but you don’t have the will or energy to execute them. 

###td ###Euthymia

###td ###Euthymia, while not a formal DSM-5 diagnosis, is a term used to describe stable mood states (Goodwin & Jamison, 2007). It is a period of relative mood stability, where symptoms are minimal or absent. I personally experience this state when I am disciplined with my meds, exercise and pray regularly, engage in meaningful activities, and getting enough sleep. Indeed, "Clinical studies have examined the efficacy of medications in achieving and maintaining euthymia in bipolar disorder (Tohen et al., 2003)." 

 

I don't remember when it started. Maybe childhood? Or after experiencing teenage pregnancy? Maybe even later? I’m not sure. It started subtly. A restlessness. A buzzing energy. Ideas flowed. My mind raced. Sleep? Who needed sleep? I was on top of the world. I could work on a presentation for three days straight with no sleep, locking myself in the spare room and only eating when my husband shoved food in my mouth. So many presentations I nailed, although one time I did burst out crying in the meeting room after working on a presentation for two weeks non-stop with barely any sleep and a LOT of coffee (I believe that was the beginning of my learning to drink sugarless black coffee).

Mania. Shopping sprees. Impulsive decisions. Burned bridges (i.e.: Blocking and deleting contacts. Unfriending people on social media. There have been a lot of falling outs in my life). Some I don’t regret, some I did regret and was thankfully irreversible (I once exited a WhatsApp group just to request to enter it again a week later, and re-followed people on Instagram after unfollowing them), and some I was too proud to admit but secretly eating me alive. The aftermath of a hypomanic episode was almost always painful.

But, mania also had another side. HYPERPRODUCTIVITY.

I can work and work for ages. Projects were completed, KPIs achieved. I developed a reputation as a high performer. Promotion after promotion came. I made the Board of Directors in my early thirties, with my own office, a company car, and Platinum VIP health benefits for my entire family.

Mania fuelled my fitness and diet, too. Intense workouts, obsessive discipline, starving myself so much that I no longer felt hunger. My body was lean, size zero, with four-pack abs - a testament to my higher than average self-discipline. I pushed myself beyond limits. I felt powerful.

Mania even led me to go on a relentless search for God. Once I did, I prayed so many times a day I developed a school girl crush on God.

Dead was the unmotivated, underachiever I was when I was in school - the one who ditched class and skipped homework. I completely reinvented myself to provide for my family and become what I envisioned to be a ‘worthy’ model for my daughter, who I had at fifteen and had to leave for four years to go to college abroad.

The outside looked perfect: fitness, success, money, respect, relationship with God. But inside? A war.

Suicidal thoughts. Dark whispers. A constant battle. I hid it well, for all those years before my diagnosis. Underneath, I was crumbling. I was never enough, never skinny enough, never successful enough, never having enough money. I was always in fear. Of what? Everything. Getting myself hurt, losing my loved ones, spiders, you name it, I feared it.

“You’re a workaholic” they said when they saw me work. "You’re burning out, you gotta learn to pace yourself" they also said. But it was more than those things. I had a medical condition, a brain disorder, I didn’t know about.

Bipolar disorder, as established in the preface, is not the same for everyone. The severity, frequency, and types of mood episodes vary greatly from person to person. Some individuals like myself may experience predominantly manic episodes, while others may experience more depressive episodes. This variability is influenced by factors such as genetics, environment, and individual coping mechanisms (Geddes & Miklowitz, 2013).

My depression ‘only’ came every few years. They were distinct episodes of extreme sadness that eventually prompted me to consult a psychiatrist. Not one but five psychiatrists. I sought answers. I doubted. I questioned.

"Bipolar disorder." each doctor said it, “Type II,”. So specific. But I resisted. I needed proof.

A formal psychological test. Hours of questions. Pages of assessments. Dialogues with a psychologist. The results were clear. Undeniable. I scored 100 out of 115 on the Bipolar Spectrum.

A mental health professional came to speak at my office event. He shared a plethora of mindfulness strategies to overcome depression and anxiety. Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction (MBSR), an 8-week program using mindfulness meditation and yoga to manage stress and improve well-being (Kabat-Zinn, 1990). Qigong, a Chinese mind-body practice combining movement, breathing, and meditation to cultivate "qi" (life energy) for health and well-being (Lee et al., 2008). These methods have been proven to minimize depression and anxiety without medication. The speaker himself shared that he stopped his medication (presumably under his doctor’s supervision and guidance) after adopting those practices. Suddenly I had hope. Aren’t those mental disorders just like Bipolar? Discreetly, I asked the question, “Can I handle my illness without meds?”. He said, “No, for most Bipolar people I've worked with, meds are necessary and should only be stopped under the supervision of a qualified Psychiatrist.”

I conceded. There was a good reason I tried to avoid taking medications: I was addicted to Tramadol,  a synthetic opioid pain reliever that works by binding to opioid receptors and affecting neurotransmitter reuptake (McPherson, 2015), for several years, and suffered a great deal of excruciatingly painful withdrawals and aftermaths upon quitting. And also, I’m an addict in general. I can get addicted to anything. Was it really wise for someone like me to take psychotropic medication?

But, there seemed to be good reasons for taking meds. I may have only ‘prayed to die’ recently, but I did engage in harmful behaviours for as long as I could remember: cutting myself, running away from home, drinking Vodka on an empty stomach specifically as a FUCK YOU to myself, attempting to exit a moving vehicle upon fighting with my husband. The list goes on. At this point, meds were inevitable. If not for me, for my loved ones. The people that have the burdens of being around me when I’m acting crazy.

I selected a doctor and promptly, she wrote me a prescription. Tiny pills. Big changes. Some made me numb. Others, tired. Finding the right balance was an exhaustingly long, bumpy road. It helped a lot that my husband was visibly happier. No more running scissors through my skin, no public fights, emptying a jar of pills on the floor and grabbing them with my hands and putting them in my mouth. All of that craziness was gone.

The medication was proven to be necessary. Life-saving. But the side effects? Weight gain. 13 kgs. Like being nine months pregnant again. My four-pack abs? Gone. My will to exercise? Gone. My passion for my work? Gone. I was just tired all the time.

My body changed. My mind changed. I couldn’t even get through the day without a lunch-time nap.

I went to a bipolar support meeting. I shared about my weight gain. To my surprise, many of my new peers jumped on the chat box about how they gained twice to three times what I gained. I was shocked to my core, was I not done getting fat??? I couldn’t just do nothing and gain 20 more kilos?? I had to do something.

I googled each of my meds. Which ones of them were the culprit? Turned out: most of them, especially the antipsychotics. Weight gain is a common side effect of certain medications used to treat bipolar disorder, which can be distressing for individuals. Open communication with a psychiatrist is vital to address medication side effects and explore alternative options (Fagiolini et al., 2005).

I booked an emergency session with my doctor, demanding her to change all my meds to weight-neutral ones. Luckily I've picked the right doctor for me, one who would listen (really, after seeing 5 different psychiatrists you’re bound to find the right one.)

And then, despite my low energy and motivation, I rejoined the gym and spent tens of millions on slimming programs. It all worked a little bit (nowhere near my expectations), but never sustained. Afterall, I was getting older and my metabolism had slowed down.

A question popped up, the same question that lingered in my mind when I was a size 0 for my entire young adult life. Would I EVER be skinny enough? Good enough? The answer was, no I will not, I may as well give up. With that conclusion, I stopped going to the gym. I stopped praying because I was mad at God (As if God needed ME to pray for His benefits). In what felt like the blink of an eye, I went from physically and spiritually fit to a hollow shell of (barely) a person.

With my decrease in energy and will to perform at work, I fell short. Work, once an exciting and rewarding activity, began to feel overwhelming. Especially those late night meetings I no longer had the stamina for. I started drinking every night to calm my nerves. I gained even more weight. The equivalent of being 9 months pregnant in my last pregnancy.

Something had to change. I booked therapy. I prepared a PowerPoint presentation of my problems to be efficient and on point in my explanation.

I presented a contrast of how I used to be before the bipolar medications: active, thin, attractive, with a killer self discipline, with how I was then (or rather how I perceived myself then): a self loathing, fat, lazy alcoholic.

How did I get here?? I asked mostly myself, not my therapist. and maybe God, who, through my own hands, created an informative cause and effect analysis on how I lost my sense of self. It all started with the meds. Those damn meds.

I went on to acknowledge all of my current achievements, but admitted that there was a part of me that felt like it was smashed to little pieces. I closed my presentation with a bold statement:

The answer was clear even before my session. I had to first and foremost accept my new reality. I had to practice unconditional self-love, which means loving myself even though I was no longer a size zero, no longer prayed five times a day, no longer scored 3,5 on my performance assessment. How could I with no energy??

My mental, physical, and spiritual health were failing.

I let it go on for two years before making the choice to quit my job of 18 years. Walked away from the career, the status, the stability, the company car, and private health insurance.

It may have seemed impulsive, especially because I was in a hypomanic episode that day I wrote and submitted my resignation letter, but in truth, it was something I had thought about for a substantial amount of time, discussed with my husband a few months prior to my actual resignation, which I didn’t execute until after I caught myself looking up how to get cyanide[1] on an online store.

Some were sad, some were mad, and others were happy for me. I asked my therapist “Am I completely out of my mind to give it all up?”. He asked me back, “the life you were leading, would you have wanted it for your daughter?”. I shivered at the thought of my daughter getting drunk on scotch every night, taking anti-anxiety like they were candies, losing her petite figure, her beauty, her light, and looking up how to get poison to kill herself. I swallowed the bitter pill and answered “I would not”.

My therapist went ahead and called it a healthy decision, made on the basis of FINALLY prioritizing my health. A bold statement. Something I desperately needed to hear because inside I was second guessing myself like crazy. What about my responsibilities? Who’s going to finance the family now? Who’s going to pay for my son’s tuition? Family and close friends who had my best interest at heart assured me: it was time for my husband to take over. My therapist, too. “But there’s some work for you to do,” he said. Some changes needed to be made so my drastic act was not in vain. I wasn’t going to be the same broken person working a different job (or as I discovered later, no job for a while)

The work was, and I’m sharing this with you now so you can work on yours, that I had to reflect on who I was that I was ‘quitting’ and who I intended to become in the new chapter of my life. This was my reflection, yours may look completely different, but somewhat similar in some parts:

###td ###Who I Was

###td ###Who I Intend to Become / Who I am Becoming

###td ###Pleasure seeker, pain avoider

###td ###Stable

###td ###Surviving

###td ###Being my authentic self who is true to my values

###td ###People pleasing, living life for others

###td ###Live my life for myself

###td ###Just doing it, no dreams or wishes. “Dead inside”

###td ###Thriving “having dreams and making them come true”

###td ###Craving attention and being wanted (and calling this “love”)

###td ###Being able to love as a way to want good things for someone selflessly, and be with someone who respects and appreciates me as an equal partner

I was a chaser of cheap dopamine, doing whatever it took to experience pleasure and avoid pain. The new Audra, who had boldly quit her job, was not to pursue highs, but to cultivate stability. The new me was to move beyond merely surviving to becoming her true authentic self, who lived in alignment with her values. What were my values? They were yet to be discovered in a later chapter (stay tuned) but overworking myself to death in search of some kind of validation sure as hell wasn’t one.

Determined to make it worth everyone’s sacrifice (My husband had to turn to his family to take over the family finances when I no longer earned steady money), I turned my intentions to a vision of my best self in the year that followed (it just so happened that the year 2024 was ending). I created a vision board detailing a few specific things I wanted to achieve, namely: 1) to be hot, fit, and active again, 2) to reconnect with my faith through prayer, 3) to get a new office (I loved my old one!), a corporate job where I can wear blazers and high heels every day, 4) to enjoy relaxing weekends and vacations, and 5) a four-bedroom townhouse with an L-shaped couch in a double-height living room, marble floors, and an elevator.

With clear goals in mind, the right actions were easy, and even inevitable. I started exercising again, not for hours and hours at the gym, but enough to get me active and moving. I started praying again, sometimes not as frequently as I used to do, but it became part of my life again. I stopped drinking every night, and limited myself to two, sometimes one time per week (there’s nothing ‘hot’ about being shitfaced every night). I stopped and questioned myself before eating junk food, four out of four times it stopped me from proceeding.

There’s a saying that goes “I eat, watch, and talk crap and then wonder why I feel like crap,” and it really resonated. I began steering away from all the crap. “Do the next right thing” I wrote on my hand. Then I made it permanent on my skin, and not just for style, but to actually look at when I am unsure of what to do.

It was effective because even in times of distress, discouragement from not getting a single interview for months, and despair, my brain knew ‘the next right thing’ was never to drink myself to oblivion. More often than not it was to pray, and/or hit the gym for endorphins and mental clarity.

I stopped trying to have the perfect body, perfect relationship with God, and perfect performance score (not that I had a job to facilitate that). Instead, I learned to forgive myself. For the mistakes, the impulsive actions, the times I couldn't control my brain, for my changing body, for the times I doubted my own worth. Self-forgiveness is a crucial step in the recovery process, allowing individuals to let go of past regrets and move forward with self-acceptance (Lysaker et al., 2005). I started talking to myself like I was my best friend. Not even a “best” friend, just a friend. Damn, how badly did I used to treat myself.  

Happiness is different now. Not the manic highs. Not the job title. Not the perfect body. But a steady, gentle joy. A quiet contentment found in the ordinary, everyday moments that weave the tapestry of life. A cold glass of iced coffee, the rustling leaves in a park, a shared smile – these are the treasures that fill the heart. This is happiness - refined.

Chapter 2 | Happiness Refined – Constant High or Gentle Contentment?

 

Imagine chasing a sunrise that shifts with every breath, a quest for unwavering joy in a landscape painted with vibrant, unpredictable hues. This is the reality for many living with bipolar disorder. The societal narrative of happiness, a steady state of bliss, crumbles against the backdrop of fluctuating moods.

But what if happiness isn't about constant sunshine? What if it's about learning to dance in the rain, to find beauty in the storm, and to build a life anchored in contentment and meaning? Diener (1984) asserted that contentment is strongly linked to subjective well-being, which means that feeling satisfied and at peace with one's life is a core component of overall happiness and well-being.

For those with bipolar disorder, the pursuit of happiness isn't a simple, linear path. It's a nuanced dance, a recalibration of societal norms. Traditional definitions that focus on a constant state of joy bear an unrealistic ideal, especially for individuals navigating mood swings. Instead, happiness becomes about stability, meaningful engagement, acceptance, and savouring the moment.

"The goal isn't to eliminate mood fluctuations, but to manage them effectively," emphasizes Dr. Kay Redfield Jamison, a leading researcher in bipolar disorder. This sentiment aligns with research demonstrating that focusing on euthymia, a stable, non-manic/non-depressed mood, is crucial for long-term well-being (Goodwin, 2016). Think of it like learning to navigate a storm; you can't stop the weather, but you can learn to sail through it.

How exactly?

When I was in college, I learned a trick called Nicols’ two things, which basically said that ANY topic can be broken down into two main points. So in this chapter, I’d like to break down the topic of happiness for those with bipolar disorder into two steps that I'll keep returning to throughout the book:

1. DEFINE what happiness means to YOU. (Hint: it's not the fleeting high of mania.) People with bipolar disorder can experience authentic, sustainable joy—but it might look different than what you expect. It is a gentle contentment, rather than a constant high. It’s being at peace with your life, whatever that means to you. It’s subjective wellbeing.

2. SAVOUR the positive experiences in your life. Savouring involves intentionally focusing on and appreciating positive experiences, amplifying their enjoyment and duration. This act of mindful appreciation reinforces the permission you give yourself to feel good (yes, it is OKAY to be happy). By consciously acknowledging and valuing moments of joy, gratitude, or pleasure, you counteract any self-imposed restrictions on happiness. Savouring becomes a tangible way of validating your worthiness of happiness, transforming fleeting moments into lasting sources of contentment and reinforcing a positive feedback loop that encourages you to embrace and seek out further opportunities for joy.

Happiness, ironically enough just like bipolar disorder, is highly individualized. Sure, we can come up with a shared meaning of the word, but remember subjective wellbeing? The practice and experience of happiness is personal to the one experiencing it. Think of it like a playlist of your favourite songs. You and I can each have our own playlist, some of the songs may be completely different, and some of them may be the same. For example, I’ve seen Kiss of Life by Sade in most playlists, but The Cure’s A Letter to Elise, which might be on the top of my list, could be nowhere to be found in yours.

(I’ll bet you’re looking up the song right now, lol)

| The Happiness Playlist |

Don’t worry, you’re not supposed to figure your whole life plan right this second. Step one in our simple two-stepper is to simply DEFINE what happiness means to YOU. Start small: what does happiness look and feel like?

Lets go back to our analogy of a music playlist.

Let’s say you’ve got a Spotify playlist on your phone. I have like a hundred. The reason why I love Spotify (which I have heard someone argue is the greatest invention man ever made) is because it lets you play whatever song you want. Question is: do you? Play whatever song you want whenever you want? Because actually, you can.

So let me share with you one of my favourite Spotify playlists. This playlist has all of my favorite songs from the 90s. Each one brings me back to a more carefree time of my teenage years, and there’s something special to me about 90s alternative and brit pop music that I could never quite put a finger on, but anyway those songs just make me feel happy.

Now go grab your favourite playlist, maybe on Spotify, Itunes, Youtube (/mixed tape?), whatever. Hit play and a song starts playing. Must be one of your favourite songs, otherwise it wouldn’t be on your favourite playlist. Now listen to it. REALLY listen. Check in with your emotions. Is this happiness to you?

Let me make that clearer: Do you experience good feelings as you’re listening to this song? And then the next song, and the next.

If the answer is yes then those songs are happiness to you. This is your happiness playlist. Just to be clear I’m not just talking about a music playlist, although it can very well be part of your Happiness playlist. I’m talking here metaphorically, about a list of things or an inventory of things that bring you happiness, which, if you don’t have one already, you really should consider creating one because if you’re not even clear about what happiness is to you, how can you experience it? Happiness is a complex and multifaceted concept that can be difficult to define. However, one way to think about happiness is as subjective well-being . (Remember what it is? It refers to a person's overall sense of satisfaction with their life, including their emotional, psychological, and social well-being.)

So here is an inspiring (play)list that I pulled off the Internet to get us started on defining our personal idea of happiness:

Things that Bring Me Happiness (aka a Happiness Playlist):

1. The feeling of warm sunshine on my skin at 9 am in the morning.

2. The sound of my best friend’s laughter.

3. Spending quality time with my sister.

4. Helping someone in need.

5. Completing a challenging project at work.

6. Learning how to grow a successful garden.

7. Traveling to new places on the back of a motorcycle.

8. Feeling the wind in your hair on a hot afternoon

9. Eating Spaghetti Bolognaise.

10. Meditating for 10 minutes.

Isn’t it wonderful? just a bunch of seemingly random, wonderful things. Once you get used to making your happiness playlist, you can have like a dozen or even hundreds of them. Let me show you one of mine that I made a few years back:

As you can see, I made this during the pandemic when I was still working a 9 to 5 job, hence the holidays were part of the list. Everyday can be a holiday now that I’ve quit my corporate job (no I’m really not trying to influence you to quit your job, having a job is awesome), so “holidays” do not necessarily make my current playlist. Instead, “a meaningful project that pays” may be high up on my list now.

Another thing I want to point out is that while some things in my current Happiness playlist may be different to the ones I had in 2021, some things remain, like my dogs and Iced Americano (apparently I like it THAT much). Some things may be set aside whether temporarily or permanently to make room for exciting new things that couldn’t have been on the playlist back then such as going to Pilates in the middle of the day (cause duh I had work) and using Artificial Intelligence to make cool things in no time (because AI hasn’t developed as much then and even if it has I didn’t really know how to use it). The point is, your happiness playlist can look different not only from mine or others, it can even vary from time to time. There is no set list for what can make you happy, and there is no right or wrong because it is YOUR happiness, not anyone else’s.

Subjective well-being is subjective because it is based on a person's own perceptions and experiences. What makes one person happy may not make another person happy. For example, some people may find happiness in their careers, while others may find it in their relationships or hobbies.

There is no single definition of happiness, and what makes one person happy may not make another person happy. However, there are some common elements of happiness that have been identified by researchers. We’ll get to that later in Chapter 9.

So now that you’ve seen a couple of examples already, let’s go ahead and make your own Happiness playlist on the next page.

###td ###Your Top 10 Happiness Playlist

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Don’t worry if your list ‘just’ consists of coffee and Netflix and things like that. Happiness is something you experience. It doesn’t have to impress anyone.

You may ask: “Yeah but in theory, it should be more substantial than just watching TV, right?”. To which I would repeat: “Happiness is something you experience,”

Let me say that one more time, hopefully it’ll sink in:

Happiness is something you experience. It’s not some theory about what is ‘supposed’ to feel good. Therefore, finding your happiness involves being aware of what feels good to you REALLY, not IN THEORY.

Let me share a true story about my friend Anne (not her real name), who worked at a well-known multinational company. Anne constantly complained about her manager, whom she believed was picking on her, and about her co-workers, whom she felt weren't pulling their weight. These were the main theme of her conversations. Yet, when a mutual friend offered her a job in his office, she was utterly shocked, claiming she was already very "lucky" working at such a reputable company and would never give it up.

The funny thing was, to everyone else who didn't hear all her stories about how miserable she was at work, her reaction made sense. Who wouldn't be happy working at Company X? Great pay, great benefits, lots of opportunities for career expansion, including around the world. So, in theory, she "should" be happy. But what she experienced daily in her actual work and world attested that it was not happiness. How could this be?

I found a possible answer to this in Paul Dolan’s book, Happiness by Design, in which he raised the issue of how most of us evaluate happiness. Oftentimes we measure overall happiness, not the experience. That sounds exactly like how I used to be for almost all of my young adult life where I in theory was living the dream, but really what I had was a checklist of things I ‘should’ have in order to be happy (such as: a six-pack abs and a high paying job), and when all the boxes were checked I HAD to say I was happy, otherwise how ungrateful would I be?

But really, if you don’t experience good feelings on a moment to moment basis, how can you claim to be happy?

To me personally this explains why ‘some people’ (aka yes, me) feel the need to be drunk, on drugs, work themselves to death, starve themselves to be skinny, and all the other crazy things we may do despite having all kinds of things that in theory ‘should’ make up one’s happiness.

I mean, you could have a good career, good income, marry the love of your life, have a family, a house, a car, and whatever else humans are supposed to accomplish, all before you even hit forty. But if you have all of those, does it mean you’re automatically happy?

In theory, yes, but what if you’re not? Does it mean there’s something wrong with you?

The answer is yes, LOL. But what’s wrong with you isn’t ungratefulness. It's that you haven't yet defined what happiness means to you. Only then can you truly listen to your "playlist of happiness" and allow yourself to enjoy it. This is especially important if you have bipolar disorder and your idea of happiness is tied to fleeting manic highs, which always result in a physical and emotional crash—a state you wouldn't consider "happiness."

Now that we’ve established that happiness is what you personally experience, not some theory about what ‘should’ make you happy, let’s look at some research-based strategies for improving your wellbeing. Building upon the interconnectedness of well-being and happiness, Keyes (2002) emphasizes that optimal well-being, encompassing emotional, psychological, and social dimensions, creates a fertile ground for happiness to flourish. Specifically, positive mental health, a core component of well-being, is characterized by the presence of positive emotions and life satisfaction, which directly supports the experience of happiness.

Chapter 3 | Self-Care Is not a Spa Day - It's a Primary Defence.

"For those battling mental illness, self-care is not a spa day; it's a primary defense."

Like a well-maintained garden, self-care requires constant nurturing to flourish and provide a safe haven during challenging times. Alternatively you can also think of it as a  storm shelter that you prepare to serve as a sanctuary that keeps you and your loved ones safe when a storm hits.

Navigating life with a mental illness like bipolar disorder or other related conditions presents unique challenges. Your journey of self-discovery and growth requires an even deeper commitment to self-care and self-compassion. This chapter will address the specific needs of those living with mental health conditions, emphasizing the importance of prioritizing well-being within the context of fluctuating moods and symptoms.

| Understanding the Unique Challenges |

Mental illness can significantly impact your ability to engage in self-care. Mood swings, fatigue, anxiety, and cognitive difficulties can make it feel impossible to prioritize your needs (let me say my favourite example again: showering. I love using this example because it’s fascinating to me how something I love to do so much under normal circumstances (what’s not to love? The hot water? The yummy smell of shampoo and soap? The softness of a conditioner?) can be excruciatingly difficult to do when in a depressive episode. During an extreme mood episode I find it a struggle to bring myself to shower. It's crucial to acknowledge these challenges and adapt self-care strategies accordingly. Research indicates that individuals with bipolar disorder, for example, often struggle with disrupted circadian rhythms, making consistent sleep hygiene[2] particularly vital (Etain et al., 2011). Furthermore, the emotional dysregulation associated with many mental illnesses can lead to impulsive behaviours that undermine self-care efforts.

| Six Self Care Strategies to Improve Your Wellbeing |

The following are six research-based strategies of self-care to improve your wellbeing if you have (or even if you don’t have) Bipolar Disorder:

1. Mood tracking

·      Use a mood chart, journal, and/or app to track your mood fluctuations.

·      Identify triggers for mood episodes.

·      Develop a plan for managing mood swings.

Mood monitoring stands as a cornerstone self-care strategy for individuals with bipolar disorder, serving as an early warning system to detect subtle mood shifts that may precede full-blown episodes, thereby enabling proactive interventions (Miklowitz & Johnson, 2009). Consistent tracking facilitates pattern recognition, revealing triggers and fluctuations, which enhances self-awareness and empowers individuals to make informed lifestyle adjustments. Moreover, it provides valuable data for healthcare providers, aiding in medication management and treatment optimization. However, mood tracking is most effective when integrated into a comprehensive self-care plan that includes regular exercise, social support, adequate sleep, mindfulness strategies, and in the case of bipolar disorder, a strict adherence to prescribed treatment (National Institute of Mental Health, n.d.). By fostering a sense of control and increasing self-efficacy, mood tracking, when combined with these other essential self-care practices, significantly enhances overall well-being and quality of life for those living with bipolar disorder.

Mood tracking can be done using a mood chart, combined with journaling, self-dialogue, and checking in with a trusted loved one. More on this is the next chapters.

1. To state the obvious, regular exercise offers significant benefits for individuals with bipolar disorder, contributing to mood stabilization and overall well-being. Physical activity releases endorphins, which can alleviate symptoms of depression and anxiety, while also helping to regulate stress hormones that may trigger mood episodes (Firth et al., 2018). Furthermore, exercise promotes better sleep quality, crucial for maintaining a stable circadian rhythm and reducing the risk of manic or depressive episodes. Cognitive function, including concentration and memory, can also be enhanced through exercise. Ultimately, consistent exercise can boost self-esteem and energy levels, fostering a sense of control and resilience in managing the challenges of bipolar disorder.

Prioritizing exercise as a self-care activity involves making it a consistent and valued part of your routine. This begins with understanding the dual benefits of exercise for both mental and physical health (Dunn et al., 2005). To make exercise a habit, schedule it like any important appointment, start with realistic goals, and aim for consistency (Rothman et al., 2009). Finding activities you enjoy is key; explore different types of exercise and make it fun by incorporating music or exercising with a friend. Removing barriers by choosing convenient options and preparing in advance can also increase adherence. It is also important to listen to your body, resting when needed and modifying your workout based on your energy levels. Tracking your progress and celebrating achievements can help maintain motivation. Finally, integrate exercise with other self-care practices, such as mindfulness, and consider connecting with nature during your workout. By following these tips, you can prioritize exercise as a valuable and sustainable part of your self-care routine.

Personally, I've found that even moderate exercise, like a walk, significantly impacts my mood. During periods of low energy, it can be challenging to motivate myself, but the resulting increase in mental clarity and a sense of accomplishment is always worth it—even if I have to drag myself out for a walk or, if possible, to an exercise class. I recommend trying a variety of classes to stay interested and motivated. I personally alternate between Pilates, spinning, TRX, and yoga. I find that having an instructor and other people exercising with me (or even just around me, if you tend to be antisocial like me, lol) makes it easier to maintain a regular workout routine compared to exercising alone.

I've also noticed that on days when I exercise, I sleep more soundly, which directly contributes to my overall mood stability. I find that when I'm able to exercise, I'm less likely to experience a mood episode, and when I do, it's less severe. In fact, all the incidents where I felt suicidal occurred during periods when I had neglected my exercise routine.

1. Research also highlights the importance of meaningful activities in promoting happiness. A study published in the Journal of Affective Disorders found that engaging in activities aligned with personal values significantly improved mood and overall quality of life in individuals with bipolar disorder (Johnson et al., 2012). This could mean finding joy in painting, even if it's just for 15 minutes, or volunteering at an animal shelter, knowing you're making a difference. To me it could be giving my four dogs a wash. It's about finding purpose beyond the daily struggle.

 

Here are some other examples of meaningful activities categorized to illustrate how they can be incorporated into a self-care plan for someone with bipolar disorder:

Creative Expression:

●      Writing: Journaling, poetry, short stories, or even blogging can provide an outlet for processing emotions and experiences.

●      Visual Arts: Painting, drawing, sculpting, photography, or digital art allows for non-verbal expression and can be very therapeutic.

●      Music: Playing an instrument, singing, composing music, or even just listening to music that resonates with you can be mood-regulating.

●      Crafts: Knitting, crocheting, woodworking, or any hands-on activity can provide a sense of accomplishment and relaxation.

Volunteering and Helping Others:

●      Animal Shelters: Volunteering at an animal shelter provides companionship and a sense of purpose.

●      Soup Kitchens or Food Banks: Helping those in need can foster a sense of connection and gratitude.

●      Mentoring: Mentoring a young person or someone struggling with similar challenges can be very rewarding.

●      Environmental Causes: Participating in community cleanups or conservation efforts can provide a sense of contribution.

Learning and Skill Development:

●      Online Courses: Taking online courses in subjects that interest you can expand your knowledge and skills.

●      Language Learning: Learning a new language can be intellectually stimulating and provide a sense of accomplishment.

●      Musical Instrument Lessons: Learning to play an instrument can be a challenging but rewarding pursuit.

●      Skill-Based Workshops: Attending workshops on topics like cooking, gardening, or woodworking can provide practical skills and a sense of achievement.

Hobbies and Relaxation:

●      Gardening: Spending time in nature and nurturing plants can be very therapeutic.

●      Reading: Immersing yourself in a good book can provide a sense of escape and relaxation.

●      Gaming: Playing video games can be a fun and engaging way to unwind.

●      Yoga or Meditation: Practicing mindfulness and relaxation techniques can help regulate mood and reduce stress.

Career and Education:

●      Pursuing a Passion Project: Working on a project that aligns with your interests and values can provide a sense of purpose.

●      Continuing Education: Taking classes or workshops to advance your career or education can provide a sense of progress.

●      Networking: Connecting with others in your field can provide a sense of community and support.

4.    Furthermore, social connection plays a pivotal role in managing bipolar disorder.

Social Connection:

●      Joining a Club or Group: Joining a book club, hiking group, or other social group can provide a sense of belonging.

●      Spending Time with Loved Ones: Connecting with friends and family can provide emotional support and reduce feelings of isolation.

●      Attending Social Events: Participating in community events or social gatherings can provide a sense of connection and belonging.

Strong support system provide a buffer against stress and isolation, both triggers for mood episodes.

"Social support can act as a protective factor, mitigating the impact of stressors and promoting resilience," explains a report by the Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance (DBSA). It's the comfort of knowing you're not alone, the understanding from a friend who gets it, or the support from a family member who listens without judgment.

Building a Support System:

·      Connect with support groups or online communities for individuals with mental illness.

·      Maintain strong relationships with trusted friends and family members.

·      Seek professional support from a therapist or counselor.

Personally, I'm not very active in bipolar support groups (although I am aware of them), but I do attend addiction support meetings almost daily. I find connection and abundant support readily available there. In addition, I have a number of close and trusted friends I can reach out to when needed. It’s important to remember that not everyone is your friend, and not all your friends are equipped to deal with the distress of someone with bipolar disorder, simply because they are not well-informed. (A good friend of mine once commented that I was “a real bitch whenever I’m depressed,” LOL. She’s really not a bad person, just not well-educated on the matter.) Additional Notes:

-       If you don't have a mental illness, but know someone who does, avoid making hurtful comments. Instead, stay quiet or learn more about mental illness.

-       If you do have a mental illness, be careful who you talk to, and choose people who will help, not hurt. Just because someone is your friend, does not make them qualified to support you when you have a depressive episode.

-       Practice extra caution when you are feeling suicidal. Nobody is responsible for your life but you, but reaching to the wrong people may have a life-threatening effect in your case. If you’re feeling that severely down, you are better off reaching out to a professional.

5.    Sleep Hygiene is Paramount

This includes:

·      Establishing a consistent sleep schedule, even on weekends.

·      Creating a relaxing bedtime routine.

·      Optimizing your sleep environment for darkness and quiet.

·      Addressing sleep disturbances with your healthcare provider.

"Sleep disturbances are a core feature of bipolar disorder, and addressing these issues is crucial for mood stabilization" (Harvey, 2008).

When I get excited about a project (like writing this book), it's easy for me to slip into a hypomanic episode. I'll work all night (and then again the next night, and the next) without sleep, only to feel like a zombie—or what I imagine a zombie feels like: dead but walking—during the day. This is counterproductive to my goal of completing the project to the best of my ability and harmful to my health. So, these days, when I get overexcited in the evening, I intentionally shut down my laptop at 8 p.m., put it away, and do something relaxing, like reading a book, watching a funny show, or whatever relaxing thing is on my Happiness Playlist at a given time, before turning off all media and technology and going to sleep. I advise you to do the same as “adequate sleep in bipolar disorder promotes mood stability, reduces episode risk, improves cognition, and enhances medication effectiveness” (Goodwin & Jamison, 2007).

6.    Mindfulness, particularly through programs like Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR), serves as a valuable self-care strategy for individuals with bipolar disorder. By cultivating non-judgmental awareness of present-moment experiences, individuals can recognize early warning signs of mood episodes and promote emotional regulation (Kabat-Zinn, 1990). MBSR's structured practices, including meditation and body scans, help individuals observe thoughts and feelings without entanglement, empowering them to respond skillfully to mood fluctuations, enhancing stability and overall well-being (Grossman et al., 2004).

Other Mindfulness & Stress Management Techniques:

·      Practice deep breathing exercises, progressive muscle relaxation, or meditation.

·      Engage in activities that reduce stress, such as spending time in nature or listening to music.

·      Learn to identify early warning signs of stress and take proactive steps to manage them.

| The Necessity of Consistent Self-Care |

For individuals with mental illness, self-care is not a luxury; it's a critical component of stability and well-being. Consistent self-care can:

●                  Help regulate moods: Regular sleep, healthy eating, and exercise can stabilize mood fluctuations. "Evidence suggests that lifestyle interventions, including regular exercise and dietary modifications, can positively influence mood regulation in individuals with bipolar disorder" (Firth et al., 2016).

●                  Reduce symptoms: Engaging in stress-reducing activities can lessen the intensity of anxiety and depression. Dr. Kristin Neff, a leading researcher in self-compassion, emphasizes that "self-compassion acts as an emotional buffer, reducing the impact of negative experiences and fostering resilience" (Neff, 2011).

●                  Improve cognitive function: Adequate sleep and a balanced diet can enhance focus and concentration. Studies have shown that cognitive deficits are common in bipolar disorder and other mental illnesses, and that these deficits can be exacerbated by poor sleep and nutritional habits (Thompson et al., 2005).

●                  Enhance coping skills: Building resilience through self-compassion and mindfulness helps manage difficult emotions.

●                  Improve medication adherence: Self-care routines, like sleep, can help with medication effectiveness.

###td ###Other self care strategies: Creating a Wellness Toolbox:

Imagine a cozy nook, a safe haven just for you. A place where you can gather all the things that bring you comfort, strength, and a sense of calm. This is your mental wellness toolbox – a personalized collection of strategies, tools, and practices designed to gently guide you through the ups and downs of life, especially when navigating the unique landscape of bipolar disorder. Think of it as a warm hug for your mind, a gentle reminder that you are capable, resilient, and worthy of feeling good. We're not building a rigid structure, but rather a soft, welcoming space filled with things that nurture your soul. So, let's gather our favorite blankets, brew some comforting tea, and begin building your very own haven of well-being.

Filling the Toolbox (The Fun Part!)

Alright, darling, this is where the magic happens! Let's transform your toolbox from an empty space into a treasure trove of comfort and joy. Imagine we're decorating a cozy room just for you, filling it with all your favorite things. Ready?

●      The "Sunbeam Drawer" (For When You Need a Little Glow):

○      Pocket Sunshine: (Vitamin D, or even a picture of a sunny day!)

○      The "Giggle Potion": A playlist of your silliest songs, a dog video that never fails to make you smile, or that book of jokes you love.

○      Your "Happy Dance" Playlist: Songs that make your feet move and your heart sing!

○      The "Warm Hug" Collection: A list of things that feel like a gentle embrace: a favorite tea, a soft blanket, a handwritten letter from a friend.

●      The "Calm Canvas Drawer" (For When the Storms Rumble):

○      The "Breathe Easy" Guide: A guided meditation app, a simple breathing exercise you love, or a calming nature soundscape.

○      The "Tension Tamer": Gentle stretches, a warm bath with lavender, or a self-massage guide.

○      The "Nature's Embrace": A promise to step outside for a few minutes, even if it's just to feel the breeze.

○      The "Creative Whispers": A coloring book, a sketchpad, or a journal to pour your heart into.

●      The "Steady Anchor Drawer" (For Building Your Grounding Rituals):

○      The "Dream Weaver" Routine: A soothing bedtime ritual, a cozy sleep mask, or a white noise lullaby.

○      The "Nourishing Nook": A list of easy, healthy meals, a favorite recipe, or a reminder to drink water.

○      The "Daily Compass": A planner, a journal, or an app to help you map out your day.

○      The "Gentle Reminders": A system for your medication, a reminder to schedule appointments, or a list of your trusted professionals.

●      The "Heart-to-Heart Drawer" (For Connecting with Your Tribe):

○      The "Friendly Voices" List: Names and numbers of people who lift you up.

○      The "Safe Haven" Directory: Info on support groups, online communities, or mental health resources.

○      The "Joyful Gatherings" Planner: Ideas for spending time with loved ones, even if it's just a virtual coffee date.

●      The "Sparkle Seeds Drawer" (For Growing Your Dreams):

○      The "Little Victories" Jar: A place to collect notes of your daily wins, big or small.

○      The "Vision Board of Dreams": A collage of images that inspire you and remind you of your goals.

○      The "Skill Garden": Apps, books, or online courses for learning something new and exciting.

Remember: This toolbox is uniquely yours. Fill it with things that speak to your heart, make you smile, and remind you of your strength. Let's make it a beautiful, comforting space you can always return to.

Using Your Toolbox

●      Regular Check-Ins: Take time each day to check in with yourself and see what you need.

●      Experiment and Adjust: Not everything will work perfectly every time. Be flexible and adjust your toolbox as needed.

●      Don't Wait for a Crisis: Use your toolbox regularly, even when you're feeling good, to maintain your well-being.

●      Share the Love: Tell your friends and family about your toolbox and encourage them to build their own!

 

| Tricks for Coping with Cognitive Difficulties |

Cognitive difficulties, encompassing challenges with memory, attention, problem-solving, and information processing, can significantly impact daily functioning. These challenges can arise from various sources, including mental health conditions like bipolar disorder, stress, sleep deprivation, and neurological conditions (Snyder, 2004). Individuals with bipolar disorder, for instance, may experience cognitive impairments during both manic and depressive episodes, affecting their ability to concentrate, remember details, and make decisions (Martinez-Aran et al., 2004). Addressing these difficulties is crucial for maintaining overall well-being and improving quality of life.

Here are some strategies to navigate these challenges:

●      Break Down Tasks: Divide complex tasks into smaller, more manageable steps. This can make them feel less overwhelming and improve focus. For example, instead of "clean the entire house," break it down into "clean the kitchen," "tidy the living room," etc.

●      Prioritize: Identify the most important tasks and tackle them when you have the most energy and focus.

●      Minimize Distractions: Find a quiet space to work or study, turn off notifications on your phone, and let others know you need some uninterrupted time.

●      Use Mnemonic Devices: Utilize techniques like mnemonics (e.g., acronyms, rhymes, imagery) to improve memory and recall information. For example, in a depressive episode, you can use this mnemonic devise “SAFE”, which stands for

❖    Sleep: Prioritize a consistent sleep schedule.

❖    Activity: Engage in gentle physical activity, even if it's just stretching.

❖    Food: Focus on nourishing meals.

❖    Encourage: Give yourself positive affirmations

and in a manic episode you may use “STOP”:

○      Slow down: Take deep breaths and pause before acting. 

○      Think: Consider the potential consequences of your actions.

○      Observe: Pay attention to your thoughts and feelings without judgment.

○      Plan: Create a structured plan for the day to avoid impulsive decisions.

●      Maintain a Routine: Consistent routines can improve cognitive function and reduce stress.

●      Utilize Technology: Utilize digital tools such as calendars, reminders, note-taking apps, and voice-to-text features to assist with organization and memory.

●      Engage in Cognitive Training: Activities like puzzles, brain games, and reading can help improve cognitive function.

●      Practice Mindfulness: Mindfulness techniques, such as meditation, can improve focus and attention.

●      Seek Support: Don't hesitate to reach out to friends, family, or a therapist for support and guidance.

Remember that these are just a few suggestions, and what works best for one person may not work for another. Experiment with different strategies to find what works best for you.

Disclaimer: This information is for general knowledge and informational purposes only and does not constitute medical advice. If you are experiencing significant cognitive difficulties, it's crucial to consult with a healthcare professional for proper evaluation and guidance. They can help you understand the underlying causes and recommend appropriate interventions.

Last but not least, before we close this chapter on Self Care, I feel it is crucial to highlight the importance of practicing Self-Compassion in the Face of Mental Illness. Living with mental illness can be incredibly challenging, therefore it is advisable to practice self-compassion and acknowledge that you are doing your best.

●              Acknowledge Your Struggles: Recognize that mental illness is not a character flaw.

●              Practice Self-Forgiveness: Forgive yourself for mistakes or setbacks caused by your illness.

●              Challenge Self-Stigma: Combat negative self-talk and internalized stigma.

●              Celebrate Small Victories: Acknowledge and appreciate your progress, no matter how small.

●              Remember that relapses are a part of the illness: Do not see a relapse as a personal failure.

Remember that Self-care is an ongoing process, not a one-time event. Be patient with yourself and celebrate your progress. Mental illness can make self care feel impossible (okay I won’t do the showering example again). Do not give up on yourself.

By prioritizing self-care and cultivating self-compassion, you can build a stronger foundation for managing your mental illness and living a more fulfilling life.

Your mental illness is a reality, not a sentence. You build your life around it, not within it. Self-care isn't a soft indulgence; it's the hard-won armor you forge daily. Self-compassion isn't a gentle pat; it's the unwavering grit that says, "I will not be broken." You are not defined by your struggles, but by your relentless pursuit of a life lived on your own terms. Claim that life. 

I personally find that when I consistently prioritize my self-care, it builds my resilience. When I face challenges, I'm better equipped to handle them because I've established a strong foundation of well-being. This sense of stability has given me a greater sense of purpose, knowing that I'm actively taking care of myself and living a more balanced life.

To anyone living with bipolar disorder, know that your experience is valid. Your challenges are real, and your resilience is remarkable. Research about wellbeing and happiness serves as an excellent resource, but ultimately, just as it is for everyone else, happiness with bipolar disorder is a personalized journey. It's about building a life that accommodates the disorder, not one defined by it. It's finding joy in small victories, cultivating resilience, and embracing a definition of happiness that prioritizes stability, meaning, and self-compassion. It's celebrating a day of balanced mood, acknowledging the strength it takes to manage medication, or simply allowing yourself to rest when needed.

In the next section, we will explore how these research-based self-care strategies, can help you navigate the highs and lows of bipolar disorder. Learning to surf the waves serves as a foundation, or an important prerequisite, for being able to fully experience happiness, whatever it means to you. In some cases, these things may even be part of your Happiness Playlist (for example, working on a passion project—engaging in a meaningful activity—is at the top of my playlist in March 2025).

None of this is meant to be a prescriptive guide to "fixing" bipolar disorder or achieving a one-size-fits-all happiness. Instead, it's a compassionate exploration of how to navigate the complexities of your emotional landscape. We'll delve into the nuances of your individual mood patterns, learning to recognize and understand the shifting skies within you.

And here's the hopeful truth: While the path may be different, a fulfilling and joyful life is absolutely attainable. With self-knowledge (such as: knowing what happiness means to you), self-compassion (such as: allowing yourself to be happy, even when it’s stormy inside), and effective management strategies, individuals with bipolar disorder can create a life rich in meaning and moments of genuine happiness. The journey isn't about eliminating the waves, but learning to surf them with grace and strength, finding your own unique rhythm in the dance of life.

[1] Cyanide is a highly toxic chemical compound that interferes with the body's ability to use oxygen, leading to rapid cell death. It can exist as a gas (hydrogen cyanide) or as solid salts (sodium cyanide, potassium cyanide). Cyanide is naturally found in some plants and is also used in various industrial processes. Exposure to cyanide can occur through inhalation, ingestion, or skin contact, causing symptoms like rapid breathing, headache, nausea, and in severe cases, seizures and coma. Due to its toxicity, cyanide has a dark history of being used in warfare and executions. (Biller, 2019; WHO, 2017)

[2] Sleep hygiene is essential for maintaining healthy sleep patterns. It involves a set of behavioral and environmental recommendations, such as establishing a regular sleep schedule, creating a conducive sleep environment, and practicing healthy daytime habits, all designed to foster consistent and quality sleep (Sleep Foundation).

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