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How to Protect Your Reputation in a Domestic Dispute - Dad Falsely Arrested after Argument with his Wife
Imagine having an ordinary argument with your wife or mate, nothing physical just high emotions, grabbing and defending. Your kids witness this. The police are called. Your life changes instantly.Share Tweet LinkedIn Embed pszr.co/dzDOk 635 views
|Memoirs Family Law|
|San Diego, California|
|3 publishers interested|
When MJ found out after 3 years into his marriage that his wife was molested as a 12 year old girl, his marriage quickly became an interesting period full of fact finding, friction, disagreements and thankfully, despite all the above, some fun times raising their 3 kids.
Naturally he tried to ask his wife what had happened to her, however she was adamant about not sharing any information. MJ sincerely wanted her to open up so he could help in any way possible. She in no way wanted to share any of it with him.
As a result, at the 10th year of his marriage, the Zero Tolerance label of Domestic Violence took over. All of this occurred due to his wife's inability to share her past with her husband regarding a topic that a spouse should be privy to and supportive of. Well, he wasn't privy to it and therefore did not get the chance to be supportive of it.
Thankfully enough, the topic of his book does not involve any serious violence. However it has been an extremely difficult event in MJ's life. He wants to use it to help others get through difficult times in their lives.
Chapter 1: Why didn't I know this?
Chapter 2: This is the result of all this.....
Chapter 3: Starting a family
Chapter 4: Consulting with Marriage counselors and psychologists
Chapter 5: Pay attention to this
Chapter 6: The Insulting detention.....All charges / accusations were dropped!
Chapter 7: "ZERO TOLERANCE" What exactly does this mean? Read carefully. Solution.
Chapter 8: Political / Economic twist to all this? YOU BET THERE IS!! The Family Court "TREE" makes many millions if NOT BILLIONS of dollars.....
Chapter 9: My new living Arrangements...Educating myself regarding attorneys.
Chapter 10: Family Court Services
Chapter 11: Finalizing the Divorce
Chapter 12: The Financial punch in the stomach
Chapter 13: A microcosm if you will, of what's happening in society today....
Chapter 14 Was I the perfect husband?
Chapter 15: Are Males becoming weaker in today's society? Let's explore this...
Chapter 16: Epilogue
My primary audience would be millenials in their 20’s and 30’s. This is the age where most get engaged and marry for the first time. They need to be exposed to this information. However, those of us in our 40’s and 50’s and beyond can also relate to my message. It’s unbelievable that my situation can actually occur in a modern society. Read on, you’ll be enlightened and captivated by the facts.
MJ (Mike) Rebelo was raised in San Diego, CA and holds a degree in Economics from San Diego State University. He’s a true native San Diegan. MJ was married in 1989 which lasted 10 years. The marriage produced 3 fantastic kids currently ages 27, 24 and 21.
MJ enjoys playing golf when time permits, working out at the gym and spending time with his long time girlfriend Lorrie Clark. She has 4 grown boys in their 20’s and 30’s. Having 7 kids between the 2 of them gives them a wealth of knowledge. MJ also enjoys spending as much time as feasible with his 3 kids. Of course we all have a busy schedule so time spent is a valuable commodity.
He had been a mortgage banker since 1987, recently semi-retiring from the industry in 2017. He currently works for the Metropolitan Transit System (MTS).....a very stable and financially sound organization. Life is good.
He also attempted to start a Residential Care Facility for the Elderly (RCFE). He completed the business plan but quickly realized that one needs experience in a particular venture / industry if obtaining bank financing is necessary. He also learned 5 years ago that the venture capital market had somewhat dried up. The RCFE was then placed on the back burner.
MJ has also applied for Law enforcement positions with the San Diego Police Department, Escondido Police Department and San Diego Sheriff’s Department. He passed the initial written tests with all three departments in addition to successfully completing the P.A.T.s (Physical Aptitude Tests) with SDPD and the Escondido Department. He is still on the eligible list. However, it is believed that in order to successfully get into Law Enforcement, the proper age is a factor, the younger the better. MJ is proud that he attempted to get into Law Enforcement after a 20 plus year career in mortgage banking. “Attempt to do things that you really want to do.....no matter what time in your life.”
I can only imagine the large number of other individuals, particularly men like me, who have been subjected to this. Indeed, I have spoken to many who have similar personal stories or ones involving other individuals. People ranging from professional sports figures to the average every day citizen. This is a very loaded and emotional topic - the book will be a magnet to those who can relate and want to know that they are not the only ones that this has happened to.
I do acknowledge that using my Linkedin connections plus Facebook and Gmail contacts, is a proactive way of marketing the book. I have just recently retired from the Mortgage Industry whereby I have gained valuable trust from many responsible individuals. I'm certain that if I sent emails to my contact lists regarding the release of my new book, many would be interested and I suspect very curious regarding the subject.
The promotion of this book will be proactive. I will contact San Diego State University and request that I present the basic premise of my story to students in a variety of departments. It could range from the economic and business departments to departments who address family studies. I sincerely believe I could have a personal impact on those that I present this to.
Naturally, when there is a divorce, it affects many aspects of business including money management, real estate, et al.. Economics is a natural fit. Money changes hands rapidly when a divorce occurs.
Radio promotions.....talk shows, etc.. will also be utilized as well as again, as mentioned above, social media venues such as Facebook, Linkedin, et al.. I look forward to the promotion.
Let me preface this section by noting there are NOT many books available which are similar to Protect Your Reputation, Zero Tolerance. My thoughts are that my book will discuss a topic which rarely is discussed but certainly needs to be....
There undoubtedly are a few books on domestic violence, however I COULD NOT FIND ANY THAT SPECIFICALLY DEAL WITH BEING FALSELY ACCUSED OF IT. In my case, friction arose in my marriage when I found out about my wife being molested when she was 12 years old. Then the fact that she could not communicate it with me, makes me believe the following took place: She hired an attorney prior to our separation, who orchestrated a plan to get me arrested for Domestic Violence which would give my ex-wife the upper hand in the divorce. MY BOOK APPEARS TO BE AN EXCLUSIVE on this topic.....I may be wrong.
Attached is an advertisement from a family law attorney who does Emphasize this very topic. "The Immediate Aftermath: How Men Are Falsely Accused of Domestic Violence In Order To Win In Family Court" (Click on the caption below). Granted, it is not a book.....however, this advertisement emphasizes the NEED for a book like mine.
A Troubled Marriage: Domestic Violence and the Legal System
Author: Leigh Goodmark
Publisher: New York University Press
The book goes into detail about the development of a legal regime to combat domestic violence in the United States. But the author, Leigh Goodmark, argues the resulting system is deeply flawed in ways that prevent it from assisting many women subjected to abuse. The current legal response to domestic violence is excessively focused on physical violence. This narrow definition of abuse fails to provide protection from behaviors that are profoundly damaging, including psychological, economic and reproductive abuse.
The book is a provocative exploration of how the legal system's response to domestic violence developed, why that response is flawed and what we should do to change it.
Protect Your Reputation explains the result of the domestic violence laws and how the flaws have affected individuals such as myself. Therefore, the above book by Leigh Goodmark explains and details some of these flaws.
Creating the Healthy Marriage You Want: Stop Accusing & Start Accepting One Another
Author: Phillip Kiehl
Publisher: CreateSpace Publishing
Are you and your spouse using accussations and blame as a strategy to resolve conflict? Are you and your spouse feeling alone, walking on eggshells afraid to talk given it may lead to another fight? This helpful and hopeful book will challenge and invite you and your spouse to evaluate your marriage. Knowing what are the traits and patterns of a healthy vs unhealthy marriage will move your marriage from accusing one another to accepting one another. Stop hurting each other through blame and learn to love and accept each other.
Creating the Healthy Marriage You Want is a very good compliment to Protect Your Reputation since my book details the fact that my spouse would not communicate with me regarding her past. Understandably, that past was painful to her but the simple fact that she didn't want to discuss it in the least bit was the downfall.
The Verbally Abusive Relationship
Author: Patricia Evans
Publisher: Adams Media
One will learn why verbal abuse is more widespread than ever, and how you can deal with it. You'll get more of the answers you need to recognize abuse when it happens, respond to abusers safely and appropriately and most important, lead a happier, healthier life. The author reveals the outside stresses driving the rise in verbal abuse - and shows one how you can mitigate the devastating effects on your relationships. She also outlines the levels of abuse that characterize this kind of behavior - from subtle, insidious put-downs that can erode one's self-esteem to full-out tantrums of name-calling, screaming and threatening that can escalate into physical abuse.
This book in a sense supports my book Protect Your Reputation since it looks for ways to diplomatically solve verbal abuse, which some people equate to domestic violence. As opposed to the worst case scenario and getting law enforcement involved, the Verbally Abusive Relationship offers ways to alleviate the abusers actions in a more positive manner
My Story How I became a Victim of Female Domestic Violence and the Arizona Justice System: A Real Hard Look at Domestic Violence from a Man's Perspective
Author: Richard W. Cassalata
Publisher: Createspace Independent Publishers
Published: May 6, 2014
As described from a simple search of the book title, this book describes domestic violence from the male victim's point of view. Male victims of domestic violence are not only victimized by abusive women but also by a justice system that refuses to protect men from violent women.....a very interesting topic. Local law enforcement agencies do not take action to deter female to male domestic violence even when allegations of abuse are reported and clearly documented in police reports. For decades, law enforcement agencies have not been properly trained to identify female batterers or false reporters, largely because of political considerations. Therefore, responding officers rarely question women's statements during a report because they lack training and fall back on faulty gender stereotypes. In most cases, female batterers count on gender stereotypes when making a false allegation. Using the harmful myth of "Men are abusers" and "Women are victims" in domestic violence situations gives female batterers even more power and control overt their male victims.
Protect Your Reputation differs from this book since it appears the author was in a chronic situation whereby he was abused by an extremely violent woman over a long period of time. Protect Your Reputation describes a situation whereby a wife could not discuss with her husband her previous molestation when she was a child. She could not support and participate in a healthy relationship whereby this past experience needed to be discussed. Therefore, the false domestic violence claim was a means to obtain an advantage in the divorce over her now discredited ex-spouse.
Author: Dean Tong
Publisher: Huntington House Publishers
This book assists Moms and Dads who are wrongly accused of abuse whether it be domestic violence or child abuse. It details actual case studies including the authors, to chapters on the accused individuals, the accusers, alleged child victim and agencies.....it also addresses how to counter unfounded and false child abuse and/or domestic violence allegations.
The book does focus primarily on the false child abuse allegations versus domestic violence. "Protect Your Reputation" focuses primarily on the falsely accused domestic violence issues. This is the primary difference. However, in my situation, there were silly accusations of spanking the kids.....these accusations by my wife, the kid's mom, after our separation were a weak attempt to discredit me.
Elusive Innocence is a prudent book to assist attorneys, child protective investigators, therapists and judges to aid them in their respective professions.
Yes, Abusers Can Change.....End Spousal Abuse and Save Your Marriage
Author: Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D.
Publisher: Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D.
Are you in an intimate relationship that hurts? Do you feel violated by the things your partner does or says? If so, read this book. The following are the features and benefits - -
The book helps one see that emotional and verbal abuse comes from an abuser's vulnerability, not power - thus aiding you and your partner in taking the first step toward breaking the cycle of domestic abuse. It also identifies the attitudes of verbally abusive partners that can be modified in domestic abuse treatment. It goes on to show the subtleties of financial control, giving you insight on how financial abuse manifest in abusive relationships regardless of the family wealth.
Although an insightful book about relationships, it does differ from Protect Your Reputation whereby it deals with the topic of Spousal abuse more so from a verbal standpoint. I do admit that perhaps the issues of financial control were part of my marriage, however, it was not the main point of friction. Again, the simple fact that my wife could not speak of her past created a huge wedge between us.
Police Wife: The Secret Epidemic of Police Domestic Violence
Author: Alex Roslin
Publisher: Alex Roslin
In Police Wife, many police wives share their gripping and inspiring survival stories with award winning investigative journalist Alex Roslin as he takes the reader inside the tightly closed police world and one of it's most explosive secrets. Domestic Violence is in up to 40% of police homes, which departments mostly ignore or let slide. The book details that police officers commit up to 15 times more domestic violence than the public. But few police departments fire an officer even after a sustained complaint of criminal conviction for domestic violence.
This book is relevant to Protect Your Reputation since obviously I was detained / arrested by a police officer. The officers, in effect, are out in the field, given complete authority to decide if an individual should be detained and or arrested for something such as domestic violence. It's interesting in light of the fact that 40% of police homes involve Domestic Violence, yet they are making life changing decisions / arrests which greatly affects citizen's lives.
Naturally, the difference between Protect Your Reputation and Police Wives is the simple fact that it involves law enforcement officers and their personal involvement with Domestic Violence. However, as mentioned above, there is a direct correlation.
We were in line at the Price Club (...known currently as Costco) in San Diego, CA getting ready to pay. Our large flat grocery cart was weighted down with many items including large bags of dog food, water and soda. Our oldest son who was approximately 3 years old, was pushing the cart - he had to raise his hands high to reach the handles of the cart. I turned to look at my wife and was startled to see that she was now crying uncontrollably...she was being consoled by my mother in law who had joined us for this outing. Of course I asked her, “What’s going on, what happened?!!!” While asking her, my thoughts were that my son had run over mom’s foot with the large metal wheels on the shopping cart. I asked my wife and her mom again, “What happened, why are you crying??” No answers. I paid the cashier and we all started walking towards then exit. My mother in law stopped me, turned me around, then pointed to a stranger at the other side of the large store. “That guy over there is the guy who molested.....(she paused) he is the guy who molested your wife when she was younger!” “Which guy?”, I asked. She pointed to a shorter man, appearing to be in his 50’s, slightly on the over weight side. “WHAAAAAAAAT????! What are you talking about” was my reaction.....All I saw was a silhouette of a portly guy in the distance also paying one of the cashiers. I couldn’t believe my ears.
The walk out to the car while pushing this large shopping cart was awkward and surreal at the same time. My mind was spinning about what I had just learned about my wife, the mother of my son. Naturally, we didn’t want to speak about this new sensitive revelation since our son was with us. I was extremely anxious to find out but it would have to wait. My main thought process was, “Why wasn’t I made aware of this before today.....? Furthermore, if it wasn’t for this chance sighting of this individual at the Price Club, I may have never learned about it.
So it begins.....
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