Honoring Dad: A Slave Again to Fear No More

One of the more tragic elements of being fatherless is when a person chooses from their own volition to publicly declare one’s earthly Dad to be wrong or evil.  It may be one of the rarer reasons for becoming an orphan, but it is just as devastating. The story I am about to share with you is about a young woman who chose to no longer be a slave to fear, even if it cost her life.  

            Tucked away in the Northern Province of Ghana, in a predominately Muslim region, is the scene for something we, as evangelical Christians, often think happens when we say just the right word in season compellingly communicating the road to salvation in the Bible.  Regardless of your view of God, as Christians, we are all faced with the often-inconvenient suffering of those around us.  

In our youth, many of us have undoubtedly spent countless hours witnessing to the unsaved on short term mission trips, local church outreaches, street corners, etc.  These outreaches are not inherently bad, in fact, they can be a good thing.  However, for many of us, including myself, it can be a lesson in futility since the results do not always end with someone definitively receiving Christ in their heart.  

In this case neither the friend I was traveling with, nor I said anything to compel this young lady to receive Christ; it was clearly providence.  The day this young lady received Christ was not unlike any of the other days we had spent in the heart of the villages outside of the city we were staying.  If you live in Africa as a missionary, or have spent any time at all traveling in Africa doing relief work, you know the routine.  You get up early to the sound of Muslim priests praying through speakers. Once dressed, we have breakfast, and then we get in our vehicle for a somewhat long, bumpy drive into the village. On this particular day, we were greeted by several children (the best part of my day) and we invariably spent time interacting with them and playing soccer, lots of soccer. The young pastor, who was showing us around that day suddenly, and without notice, came out of his hut and asked us to join him.  

Usually when this happens it involves something ceremonial in nature, the sharing of food, introducing us to the local village chief, or introducing us to their family.  Not this time, well, not exactly. When we walked into the hut, the young pastor sat us down. Next to us was one of the pastor’s elders and one other African man was standing in the back.  Every man in this unusual hut was male, that is not unlike any other gathering place where men congregate separate from the women.  

However, on this hot day there was someone else in our presence besides the Lord.  In the left corner of this hut I sensed her presence, but I did not immediately see her. You see, she was a young Muslim woman clearly no older than 16 years of age.  Because of her Muslim faith, as a woman, she trained herself literally to be invisible.  Her non-verbal expressions, her eyes, her posture, and even the strength of who she was clearly were being repressed by her own fears.  Because of this vanished identity in her feminine heart, she was curled up in the corner between the small couch and short table. 

The young pastor introduced her as a young woman who wanted to receive Christ as she had dreamed of Christ in her hut and wanted to become a Christian. He went on to say (he appeared to be speaking more to her at this point) that by receiving Christ, it would not entitle you to more money, nor would it magically give you a husband.  We then had the privilege of leading this young lady to Christ and I gave her the Bible I had with me on this trip.  Later, this young pastor told us because of her Muslim faith, she could easily be beaten severely, or worse, expelled from her family indefinitely.  

As amazing as this experience was for me, it paled in comparison to what I believe this experience was for this young lady.  You see, the fear she exuded was so tangible, even her inability to look any of us in the eyes could not hide her fear.  The Bible says in Romans 8:15, “For you did not receive the spirit of bondage again to fear, but you received the Spirit of adoption, by whom we cry out, Abba, Father.”  If not but a moment, this young lady lost the fear in her eyes.  However, it will return seven-fold when her Muslim family finds out about her conversion, leaving her new identity as a daughter of God in jeopardy.  That is where it gets dicey.

You see, we give praise for this young lady’s salvation, but as true children of God we are to share in her sufferings (Romans 8:17).  However, if young ladies like this are to survive, we must as the church take serious her new fragile identity.  God commanded the light to shine out of darkness, and that light, the light of Jesus Christ, is to shine in and through our hearts to do more than just pray for this young girl (2 Corinthians 4:6).  

We must mobilize in-country church planters to develop sustainable churches and orphanages to provide these fatherless wanderers a safe place to land. The Apostle Paul had it right when he said, “But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellence of the power may be of God, and not of us.”  (2 Corinthians 4:7 NKJ) God is the answer to this young girl’s prayer; however, it is carried out in you and I the earthly vessel.  

There are so many elements of God’s nature in the deep recesses of this story that it is difficult to wrap my heart and mind around what God wants to teach his church.  I know this, Mathew 19:29 states, “And everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or wife or children or lands, for My name’s sake, shall receive a hundredfold, and will inherit eternal life.”  

            And yet some have chosen amidst their tumultuous situation in life to reject Christ and His servants in the church.  One young servant girl in the Bible chose to reject the Apostle Peter and Christ around a fire in a courtyard shortly after Christ was arrested.  As the story goes after Jesus was seized, they led him away and took him into the house of the high priest. Peter followed at a distance. And when some there had kindled a fire in the middle of the courtyard and had sat down together, Peter sat down with them. A servant girl saw him seated there in the firelight. She looked closely at him and said, “This man was with him (Luke 22:54-56).”  She rejected Jesus the Christ in the darkness of the night unlike the young girl in this story she chose to reject Christ and a father of the early church. Honoring our earthly and spiritual Dad’s on this earth is an incredibly important act of faith, especially for those who are fatherless.  You can honor your earthly Dad but not his negative or abusive actions toward you.  This perhaps is the biggest lesson we can learn from this young Muslim lady we lead to the Lord that day.  

            On our flight home I connected in Ethiopia where we had a short layover.  When we got on the plane I sat down to take a nap or so I thought.  I looked to the right of me and there were about 20 new African babies being adopted into American families (Ethiopia is an open adoption country).  One such couple was a lawyer and his wife from Grand Rapids, Mi where my wife grew up. It must have been stressful for the child (it looked about 1 years old).  Three things inevitably were happening with this African child. First, the child probably never had seen a white person.  Secondly, the child probably never had eaten any type of American food which it was at that moment.  Thirdly, it was the child’s first flight and its little ears were probably popping like fireworks on the 4thof July.  

            This disruptive moment for this child would most likely never be remembered again.  This child is most likely about 10 years old today living in Grand Rapids, MI going to a private school and her Dad is presumably a prominent lawyer giving her and her siblings the life most would never dream of.  I was tired and exhausted from checking up on our orphanages in Ghana and although it was very special to see these children on the flight being united to their parents I was in need of sleep.  On the flight home I had a glass of wine (the equivalent of a shot of Nyquil) to make me sleepy and help cure my impending jet lag when I landed in the U.S.  This was the perfect anecdote for about a two-hour nap.  

            When I awoke I began debriefing about the trip and what God was teaching.  I believed then as I believe now the reason God allowed me to be a part of seeing a young girl come to Christ was not for me or my glory.  This is the only salvation I saw in Northern Ghana for the entire 7 years I worked for that ministry planting churches and orphanages. The reason God let me see it was so I could pass this story on to everyone in the West so the global church would pray and ask Jesus to reveal Himself in huts across all of Ghana like He did for this young girl.  Particularly in the North where so few missionaries and church planters exist.  The need is great for missionaries to live in this part of Ghana to help these young ladies have a safe place to land when they come to Christ.  

Questions for discussion:

1.    What is the big secret this young fatherless girl is trying to teach us, even if teaching us something was not her original goal?  

2.    Is it possible to denounce false belief systems of our earthly Dad or Mom for the sake of the Gospel of Jesus Christ and still love and respect them?  If yes, how is this played out?

3.    What are practical ways we can share in the sufferings of people like this young Ghana girl as they renounce devastating false beliefs and reach out to the church? (Romans 8:17)

4.    When God says in Mathew 19:29, those that have left their families for His sake will receive 100 times as much and will inherit eternal life,  what does He mean exactly?

5.    Is God’s love great enough to fill the emptiness of your heart left from leaving your parents and their false belief system? (Ephesians 3:14 – 21) 

6.    Do God’s holy people in the church play a role in your healing?  

7.    Does God have a beautiful plan for your children or your future children? (Genesis 17:7-8)

8.    Why is it important to honor your earthly Dad even if they have rejected God and you through abusive or negative behavior towards you (Ephesians 6:1-4)?  Can you have good boundaries toward your estranged Dad and still honor him? Please explain.

References

http://changealife.net/where-w...

(a good hotel and ministry to stay at in Northern Ghana) http://www.radach.org/room-lis...

My Dad’s Reflection was on the Moon

            I am a teacher to the next generation of leaders.  However, when I was born back in 1929 I came out of the womb a musician.  Well, it didn’t exactly happen overnight but it was in my heart at a very early age.  I was born and raised in Detroit.  I began developing my musical talents in elementary school, starting piano at the age of 9 and organ at the age of 16.  

            I attended the Detroit Institute of Musical Arts and earned a Bachelor’s Degree from Wayne State on Organ Performance and Vocal Music Education.  I studied in Europe and also studied the organs of Europe.  I have played concerts in cathedrals in Spain, England, Austria, and Germany for our study group.  I am an honorary life member of the American Guild of Organists and served for a season as the Chair of the Archives Committee of the Detroit Chapter and served for 20 years as job placement coordinator.   

            I taught in the Detroit Public School System for 20 years.  I taught vocal in elementary and middle school and I was an accompanist in the high school.  

            The Church has always been a part of my life. I grew up in the midst of the congregation of Ward Presbyterian Church where my mother served as an ordained Deaconess.  I first played for worship during an evening service at Ward at the age of 12.  I have played the organ and directed choirs, both vocal and hand bell, in several churches in the Detroit metropolitan area since that time.   

            I came to the First Presbyterian Church of Farmington several years back, first as a “sub” as a search for organist ensued – a search I was assisting as Chair of the Placement Committee of the Detroit Chapter of the AGO.  Soon thereafter I assumed the position myself of organist and soon added that of hand bell director.  I played several spring concerts during my tenure there.  One of my delights while serving there was overseeing the 2004 installation of the custom Reuter-Rodgers pipe-digital combination organ which now graces the sanctuary and worship hall.  

            I give you my background as proof when you work in the arts whether it is a painting, a play, the piano, or an organ you bring your background into the narrative and the performance.   Throughout my career I mostly taught in the inner-city region of Detroit.  My kids would react to the music differently depending on the child.  Learning to read each child’s needs made me realize music was the medium for the development of the child’s inner spirit and that it can change children.  This concept is brought forth in the old hymn “There is a Balm in Gilead to make the wounded whole…. There is a balm in Gilead to heal the sin- sick soul.”   Much later in my career (2009) , after a serious illness another hymn, a spiritual, became very significant.  “My Lord What a Morning.” arranged by Melva W. Costen: 

My Lord, what a morning

My Lord, what a morning

Oh My Lord, what a morning

When the stars begin to fall when the stars begin to fall

You will hear the trumpet sound.

To wake the nations underground,

Looking to my god’s right hand 

When the stars begin to fall.

You will hear the sinner cry

To wake the nations underground 

Looking to my god’s right hand

When the stars begin to fall

You will hear the Christian shout, 

To wake the nations underground

Looking to my Gods right hand

When the stars begin to fall.

     This is based on the scripture from Matthew 24:29-30.”  “Immediately after the tribulation of those days shall the sun be darkened and the moon shall not give her light, and the stars shall fall from heaven and the powers of the heavens shall be shaken:  And then shall appear the sign of the Son of man in heaven:  and then shall all the tribes of the earth mourn and they shall see the son of man coming in the clouds of heaven with power and great glory.”  

            When it comes to one’s art you express what you have and as you mature you can express more and more.     In music, for instance, no one talks back to you to tell you how to express yourself because that is the art of the musician.      Your art brings out the emotion in your heart. As you read Gods word as you train in your art, God can heal the broken places.  What I am about to share with you is my story…the hard places, the good, and the bad.  It is these mosaics of experiences that make up life.  And so, without further ado, here is my story.   

            When I was 5 years old my Dad died in the night.  I know this because I was the only one up at the time and actually heard him breathe his last breath in the room next to me.  At the time and to this day, it was called “The Death Rattle.” Everyone else was asleep and so on that dark night of the soul my Dad died of pneumonia.  At that time in history when a loved one died they would place black ribbons on the doors to let the community know it was a house of mourning.  Once they brought the body back home they would place the casket in the house for the family to grieve and be with their loved one.  In retrospect, it was a very traumatic thing for a young girl to not only hear her Father die but have him deceased in the house for 5 days.  I will never forget this time in my life.  It either makes you a stronger person or it wipes you out.  I had a very difficult time with it.  I had this fear it may happen to me and affected me for my entire life. 

            At a young age I didn’t have much at all.  At the time none of us had real nice clothes.  The depression started the year I was born and lasted until war production started to support the boys overseas.  People couldn’t buy clothes.  Everybody looked ragged.  If you had a hole in the sole of your shoe you put cardboard on the inside so you weren’t walking on the concrete.  Adlai Stevens was an internationally known Politician and he had crossed his legs and you could see he had a hole in the bottom of his shoe. That picture showed up in all the national papers that day.  This picture was representative of how poor our community, state, and country were at the time.  I was at home one day and a young Mother was walking around house to house with a measuring cup asking for sugar.  She was only asking for a spoon full of sugar until she had a cup so she could make a birthday cake for her daughter.  People were so poor that they were willing to share in helping this Mother out. Everybody helped everybody out.  

            When you lose your Dad at an early age it takes time to gain a concept of the Heavenly Father. Shortly after my father died, I said to my mother “See the moon-it has a face on it. That face is my Father.” I was told that my father was in heaven.  That was my only context of a Heavenly Father or Dad.  My Uncle John owned a very successful architectural business in New York. Every summer we would drive from Detroit to the outskirts of New York City and then to the Bronx.  While their Uncle John would take me to the zoo and he would buy me whatever I wanted.  One-year Uncle John took me to a toy store and he bought me a high chair and a doll. And although many things can tear a family apart when you are young these simple acts of kindness make an indelible mark on you.  Spending time with Uncle John and his family was the first time I felt a father figures love.  Being in the church and hearing Gods word and the power of music helped my faith in God and Christ evolve. 

Uncle John had been in WW I.  While there he used his architectural skills for his country which made us all proud of him.  Around the time WW II was coming mercifully to a close, I started my education.   I realized early on it would take a long time to build up my career and that education was just a small part of what I needed to be successful in my career.  My Mother did not want me to be a church organist and called me a hurtful name. I will always love and honor my Mother but the transition to leaving home was a little bumpy.  

            My Mother wanted me to be a missionary nurse in Africa.  Partly because she always wanted to be a missionary and help people in need.  And so, if I did this she could live through me vicariously.  Making my situation worse was the fact the organist in our church at the time actually had an affair with one of the parishioners.  Oh it was quite a scandal at the time and really placed a dark shadow over me wanting to become an organist.   My heart’s desire was to be a church organist and I made that decision and Mother was not happy with it when I said this.  It was one the worst conversations of my life to tell my Mother.  On my Mother’s death bed, she asked for my forgiveness for not supporting me like she should have. 

            Helen Fairchild Larson was my organ teacher starting in high school.   I was the youngest student she ever had.  She said I needed to learn more piano but helped me nonetheless.  She was very nice to me taking me under her wing to teach me how to play the organ.  She introduced me to many prestigious organists as I got older and also into the American Guild of Organists. 

At about the age of sixteen when I started playing the organ I truly felt my calling was in music.   You can have bad or good individuals come into your life in any profession.  A career in music, as in many industries, can be a good honest career.  You don’t get to the top by fooling around. Music can bring a tear to one’s eye and rest for the soul.  And that’s when you play a prelude or concert.  It’s not show off time.  Musicians are to inspire people and to glorify God.

            From the time I was 18 until I was 78, I always had a job as church organist and or choir director. In 1948 I went to the Detroit Institute of Music for several years.   After that I attended business vocational school for a year to train to be a certified comptroller.   After that short amount of time I went to work as a comptroller for a local GM car plant. In business you find a niche and make yourself useful.  I could type really well and so I added that to my role.   I worked in business for 6 years while also working as a church organist and director of music.  During that time, I decided to try out for a professional chorus group of about 20 people. I faithfully did this work for 2 years. At the end of my 2ndyear I went to my boss at the plant and said I have to try this full time or I will never know if I can make it.  At that time I was making $90 per week.  By quitting my day job I would only be making about $50 per week.  He was also a musician so he understood.  

            This next decision could have possibly been avoided if my Dad would have been there for me…maybe not.  Whether my Dad was there or not makes no difference in hindsight as it is a part of my narrative.  At 33 years old I got married and it lasted only 7 years.  He was older than me and I ended up supporting him and his son (12 at the time).  I divorced him when I discovered he was in love with another women and frankly I was tired of supporting them and it was mutual.   If I had not married my ex-husband my life would be different now.  I probably would have ended up in Florida with my Aunt and Uncle.  I think everything in life happens for a reason.

There was one man after I divorced that was a musician and mathematician that died of mesothelioma that I would have most likely married.  The good ones often die young and so did my friend.  He died at 47 years and it made me very sad for a long time.  I never got remarried after my husband and I divorced and as Paul Harvey often said on his syndicated radio show, “and that is the rest of the story.”    

            After my marriage was over I had become an accompanist for the school system and took a job at Northeastern High School in Detroit.  At that time as a professional accompanist you were certified to teach kids music. It was at that time I discovered I had a heart for fatherless kids. These kids were just like me except they came from the other side of the track and had the ability to make good.   

            Once during the week day while I was teaching, a young African American boy crawled into my house through the small basement window apparently with bad intentions to steal my valuables.  One of my neighbors saw him and immediately called the police.   During the time it took to the get the police on the scene he dumped  some of my jewelry on the bed to sort through the most valuable pieces.  When the police arrived he did not know what to do and so he hopped into the dryer to hide.  Of course they found him.  When I got home my dog Shadrach was sprawled out on the bed protecting my jewelry.  

            Once I got my house back in order, I met with the police at the station and they gave me the choice to prosecute and send the young man to jail or make him go into a program where he would have to pay back the $98 of damage to my dryer.  I chose the latter.  About a year later I received a check in the mail for $98.  One of the things that struck me about this experience was how kind and compassionate the officers were to me and the young man who made a mistake.  

            My experience with the Southfield and Detroit police was much different than you hear in the media and on television.  In fact, because of this experience I joined with the police for a day a week to join me at my school to have troubled kids watch videos of what happens when you get addicted to drugs. I was the only one to volunteer to do this.   The videos were very graphic but it struck me as to how much the police cared for these kids and wanted them to have a better life. 

            At 49 I went back to school at Wayne St. University to study under Dr. Ray Ferguson as an organist for two years to finish my Bachelor’s Degree culminating in a public recital. I then applied for and completed my teaching degree in voice and organ.  When my formal education was complete,  I took a job at Priest Elementary in Detroit.  

            After about 4 years I was transferred to Earhart Middle School which was in the heart of a Spanish community.  I stayed there until I was 60 years old and retired from teaching at that time. At that school there was a counselor that was working specifically with kids that were given the choice of attending this particular school or go to jail.  I had this particular class- nicknamed the “jail bird class”  They didn’t really do much other than fight with each other- instead of learning music. That is how I got injured for the last time.  I did not entirely make my decision to retire from teaching because I turned sixty. That was only part of the reason. Mainly I did it because I was tired of physically getting injured by the kids  who I was dedicated to and some of whom I loved.. Often I was attempting to stop a fight.  It was the end of the school year when I discovered the kids were going to have a rumble and they had knives in their lockers outside of my classroom.  

            That was it I was done! I decided to retire in May and in June the music concert which I produced and directed every year  was to take place.  I did not even show up to watch it.  This sent a very strong message that change needed to happen.      

            I did not officially retire from music until I was 78 due to my health. From the time I was 60 until 80 I worked in a number of different churches.  I worked in a Lutheran, Baptist, and Presbyterian Church during that time.  Working in churches had its difficult moments laced with caddy remarks and political situations I could have done without.  However, for the most part it was filled with laughter, love, fellowship, and of course powerful worship that glorifies God.   I learned so much traveling abroad during this time in my life. One of my notable trips was to South Africa and Botswana.  Africans treat each other with such love and respect.  They worship God with such respect and honor for their Lord.  They dress up with their best clothes and did not look they were going home to work in their garden after church. Another notable trip for its beauty was on a ship in one of the beautiful Scandinavian countries.   

            In closing what would I say to the next generation of artists, teachers, and leaders?  Well, I would say a lot of things.  Be strong, be courageous, keep playing, and keep writing.

            I would encourage you to not take yourself too seriously but take the study of God’s Word as seriously as your art.  The Psalms were written as poems and music to God and are heartfelt.  My own faith evolved through the scripture, music and worship that glorified God.   

    Whether Christ returns before I die I cannot say.  I do hope that when I die the Lord will say to me, “well done thou good and faithful servant” and that people will be blessed by my music.”  My organ professor would often say “to play with soul” and that would be my encouragement.  Practice and practice so the music is correct, correct timing correct notes and then you will play with feeling and with soul.           

Questions for discussion:

1.   To be a teacher in any field is such a high calling Christ (reference James 3:1).  Why does the Bible say teachers are judged more strictly?  

2.   Aunt Mary stated in this chapter, “I give you my background as proof when you work in the arts whether it is a painting, a play, the piano, or an organ you bring your background into the narrative and the sound.” Is it important to understand where you came from so you can be confident of your future?  At what point should you choose to leave the past in the past (reference Philippians 3:12-14)?

3.   When it comes to one’s art you express what you have and as you mature you express more.   Why is it important to understand worship to God is at the heart of using our gifts and talents for Him (reference Revelation 4:8,11)?

4.   Aunt Mary did two things as she was discovering she called to be an artist. She got started right at a young age and she pressed on to the goal of being the best she could be.  What does God’s Word say about this process (reference: Isaiah 28:24-26, Romans 12:6-8, 1 Corinthians 12:7-10).

5.   Here are some other questions you can answer to help you find your calling in life:

a.   If money were not an issue, what would you do with your time?

b.    What do you love to do? What do you hate to do?

c.     What gives you energy? What drains the life out of you?

d.    What do you want to change, shape, and leave better than you found it?

e.    What segment of the population are you drawn to help?

f.      What do you want to experience, witness, and learn?

References

http://www.hymnary.org/text/yo...

http://www.hymnary.org/text/so...

https://www.google.com/webhp?s...

https://iconicphotos.wordpress...

http://www.relevantmagazine.co...

http://www.christianitytoday.c...

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