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John Rachel

John Rachel

Los Angeles, California

John Rachel has a B. A. in Philosophy, has traveled extensively, is a songwriter and music producer, and has written 13 books. He cooks everyday for his Japanese wife.

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About the author

John Rachel has a B. A. in Philosophy, has traveled extensively, is a songwriter and music producer, and an evolutionary humanist. He has spent his life trying to resolve the intrinsic clash between the metaphysical purity of Buddhism and the overwhelming appeal of narcissism.

He is author of nine novels, three non-fiction political books, and one creative non-fiction fantasy/travel/cookbook, as well as hundreds of articles, short stories, and poems. Currently in development is a new novel set in Africa, and an American satire on the self-help crazes of the 80s and 90s.

Author Rachel has explored or lived in thirty-four countries since leaving America August of 2006. He now lives in a quiet, traditional, rural Japanese community, where he finds infinite delight in the ringing of temple bells three times a day by monks at a local Shinto shrine. These days he is mostly immersed in good vibrations.
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Subscribe now to get early access to exclusive bonuses for my upcoming book, What Do Mermaids Eat?, when it launches.

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$25 Mermaid Snack

(1) copy of deluxe hardcover book + (1) ebook in any of the current popular ebook formats, hardcover copy signed by the author.

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$50 Mermaid Fast Food Drive-Thru

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$100 Mermaid Cafeteria Meal

(4) copies of deluxe hardcover book + (1) ebook in any of the current popular ebook formats, one hardcover copy signed by the author + (4) framable mermaid prints.

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$500 Mermaid Restaurant Dinner

(20) copies of deluxe hardback + (1) ebook in any of the current popular ebook formats + (10) framable mermaid prints, one hardcover book signed by author and allegedly one of the mermaids.

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$1000 Mermaid 3-star Michelin Dinner

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$5000 Mermaid OMG Awesome Amazing Dinner

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$10000 Mermaid Heaven Is A Place On Earth Dinner Under The Galactic Canopy of Dreams

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What Do Mermaids Eat?

I've met 23 mermaids over the course of two years. We talked, laughed, shared thoughts. Nineteen of them then made me a fantastic dinner, exquisite local cuisine cooked to perfection.

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Cookbooks, Food & Wine
25,360 words
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Synopsis

Mermaids hold a special fascination for even adults. What a fun fantasy! Most of us, even the most cynical, would like to believe they are real.

But are they?

This book will not give a definitive, scientific answer to that question. What it will do is take readers to some of the most beautiful oceanside spots on the planet, provide a choice selection of splendid dinner entree recipes, and personally introduce a host of charming mermaids who have come "topside" for a little rest and relaxation.

Coming topside is what mermaids call taking some time out of the water for a vacation at one of our upscale seaside resorts. It's a very unique and special holiday for them, and truth be known, very few mermaids opt to do it. For these rare visitors, it's a time to dry off, see what we humans have come up with recently — they love our gadgets, movies, music, art, taste in home furnishings, humor, and much more — experience the luxury of a nice apartment or condo, and (drumroll) ... EAT WARM FOOD! No, there are no stoves or barbecue pits under the sea. Mermaids survive on fresh fish, kelp, and a lot of other things we probably wouldn't consider edible fare. So it's quite a treat for them to eat rice pilaf, pizza, apple pie, and other foods we take for granted. Get this. They love SpaghettiOs! I'm not even sure SpaghettiOs is food. Isn't it used to plug a leaking radiator?

Mermaids get a real kick out of what we topsiders think we know about mermaids. Disney's movie "Little Mermaid" is satire to them and they find it hysterically funny. They love "Splash" with Tom Hanks, though it doesn't really make much sense to them. But like us, they find Tom so darn cute and Darryl Hannah, of course, stunning.

Readers will discover the real revelation of this book is HOW MERMAIDS SEE US, a perspective that's both interesting and truly instructive. For example, they're very puzzled why we spend so much time and effort building things to kill each another, or destroy other things we spent a lot of time and effort building. Why we're so obsessed with age. Why we're so worried about nationality. And why we keep dumping so much plastic and other garbage in the oceans.

By the way, mermaids have a great sense of humor. They love to laugh and their humor is often irreverent and ironic.

But even more to the core purpose of this book — which is after all a fantasy/travel/COOKBOOK — many of them, certainly the ones we get to meet, are fantastic cooks. Wherever they arrive topside for holiday, they master the secrets of preparing the local cuisine.

And guess what? I've been the lucky beneficiary!

Why me?

It's a long, pretty weird story. In a nutshell, the first mermaid I met on a beach in Goa in the middle of the night, eventually introduced me to several of her close friends. Over the next two years -- and I have no idea how any of this got arranged -- I was discreetly sent to their secret resort villas, met them, had fascinating conversations with each and every one of them, then was treated by each to an absolutely unforgettable dinner. In total, nineteen mermaids shared with me fantastic recipes for dishes from one end of the planet to the other: Goa, Maldives, Tuvalu, Philippines, Tasmania, Seychelles, Mauritius, Morocco, Ibiza, Greece, Puerto Rico, Dutch Antilles, Chile, Portugal, Norway, South Korea, Okinawa.

It's quite an adventure no matter how you look at it.

How many people can say they've met a real mermaid?

Sales arguments

  • This is a coffee table book which is so unique and beautiful, it will be the topic of many conversations for years to come..
  • This is the perfect gift for someone who "has everything". Because they don't. I guarantee, they don't have a book anything like this.
  • This is the perfect gift for someone who has "lost everything". Start rebuilding with some class and panache.
  • It's doubtful that a person has ever asked, "What do mermaids eat?" But it's a question which sticks and anyone with minimum curiosity will want to know the answer.
  • Readers of my books know my tongue is permanently stuck in my cheek. I like to play with ideas and possibilities. Mermaids on vacation in beachside resorts? Why not?

Similar titles

  • "When We Believed in Mermaids" by Barbara O'Neill (2019, Lake Union Publishing) is a very popular, successful, feel good novel. It reminds us all of how much we once believed or wanted to believe in mermaids. It's one of the most common fantasies shared by people. I don't say my book is a novel. It's written as a true account of my experiences with mermaids. People can decide for themselves if I'm serious, playing around, or simply crazy.
  • "Destination Earth: A New Philosophy of Travel by a World-Traveler" by Nicos Hadjicostis (2016, Bamboo Leaf Press) visits many of the same tropical hot spots as my book. People love it because it is such a different approach to seeing the world. How about visiting mermaids at exotic seaside resorts? Is that unique or what?
  • "Destinations of a Lifetime: 225 of the World's Most Amazing Places" by National Geographic (2o15, National Geographic) takes up real estate on a lot of coffee tables in America. My book can't compete with 225 but the photographs are spectacular, and the artwork featuring the extremely provocative and lovely mermaids of a wide range of ethnicities — ever seen a Masai or a Japanese mermaid? — is by itself worth the purchase price of the book.

Audience

People who like to travel, want to believe in mermaids, who love cooking great food.

Advance praise

"John did a good job on this book — for a topsider. I have to say this because from what I know about them, what I've seen on TV and movies, they're usually a pretty strange bunch. But John has a good sense of humor, takes criticism well, and has an open, curious mind. And he closes his mouth when he chews." - Syn, a mermaid who lives in the South China Sea.

"My contact with dry humans — we mermaids DO consider ourselves human — has been very limited. Sometimes someone falls overboard. Or gets swept out to sea in a strong current. Dry humans seem to be pretty lousy swimmers. Oh ... and when I'm topside and order take-out, I get a glimpse of the delivery boy, or man, or girl. Whatever. Other than that, this John guy is it. He's certainly the only one who've I've sat in a room with and been in close proximity to. He smells very flowery. Strong stuff! Cologne? Underarm deodorant? Why do dry humans dowse themselves with all these stinky chemicals?" - Claudia, a mermaid who lives in the South Pacific Ocean.

"Since meeting John Rachel, I've read some of his books. Crazy guy! But fun to read. We hit it off pretty good. He looks kind of old, though. I don't get it. He's what? 60 or 70? Last time I checked, I'm over 750-years-old. I don't have any wrinkles at all." - Cassandra, a mermaid who lives the Bay of Bengal and Indian Ocean.

"This writer guy, John, kept apologizing for asking stupid questions and saying stupid things. I thought he was just being funny. But there's no reason for him to be embarrassed. I mean, EVERYTHING is different under water. I certainly have no need for a hair drier and ballpoint pens are pretty worthless. Ever try to lick a stamp at the bottom of a swimming pool? I like this book, What Do Mermaids Eat? Except the copy I took home with me only took three days to pretty much dissolve. Maybe I need a waterproof Kindle reader." - Deehl, a mermaid who lives in the chilly waters of the Tasman Sea.

"When John talked about us in his book, he said we seemed to be an 'item'. It took us a while to figure out what he meant. Honestly, we don't have all these categories for love. We're all just sisters down here. We love every mermaid we meet with the same intensity, sincerity, and passion. There's no jealousy or competition. Maybe topsiders need to change the way they look at others. It works for us. Ever seen a sad or angry mermaid?" - Tanya and Chloe, two mermaids who live in the Caribbean Sea.

"I haven't read this book. I'm very busy." - Stephen King, author of hundreds of best sellers, very rich, eccentric as hell but a lovable guy.

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