Without Love I Am Nothing explains why children hungry for affirmation have trouble coping with life and are easily taken advantage of by drug dealers, gangs, pedophiles, and terrorist groups.
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Many people carry experiences from their childhood that may harm their future without them realizing that there is a connection. It is hoped that through my own personal journey others may be able to live their lives to their full potential.
This book, Without Love I Am Nothing, has already helped turn the lights on for many people why they may have developed harmful behaviors and addictions. The information in this book may also help parents of children to identify issues that their children may be having and encourage them to open up and disclose their problems. After all there are too many children harming themselves and even ending their own lives so I am sure that parents would jump at the opportunity to prevent these things from happening.
Health care professionals and some educators have suggested that the audience best suited for the book Without Love I Am Nothing would be children from the age of 12 years upwards and any adults who may like a greater understanding of themselves and others around them.
The author Des Bowman at this time is 65 years of age and been married to Ann for over 40 years. Together they have 2 children in Daniel & Kate who along with their partners have blessed Des & Ann with 7 grandchildren.
Around 50 years of age Des began a journey of restoration and freedom from having been exposed to Domestic Violence as a young boy, struggling to cope with his education as he constantly lived in fear of what he would come home to each day, as well as living in fear of the cruelty that was often dished out at the Christian Brothers school he attended whenever he he was unable to complete his school work correctly.
These experiences contributed to Des developing low self esteem and lack of self worth, and would often isolate himself from others as he never saw himself worthy of good friendships. Des also found it difficult to trust others as the people who he thought he could trust in his childhood had let him down badly.
Des destroyed a lot of relationships he had with girls due to his insecurity and jealous nature that had consumed him as he got older, and when these relationships did fall apart Des couldn't cope with this rejection and would often self harm by cutting himself.
Des began to use alcohol more and gambled often as these were diversions that soon became addictions, and he never found any satisfaction in business or relationship achievements as he never saw himself worthy of good things.
Eventually Des became consumed with anxiety disorder and depression and had no idea why he was like this. Panic attacks became the norm, and suicide seemed to be the only way out. It was from a particular day when Des had made his mind up to take his own life that things began to turn, and after much help he can now enjoy a healthy happy life with his 7 grandchildren that he may never have met. Des didn't know initially what it was that was trying to destroy him, but in a short time he soon discovered what it was that had started the seed of destruction and over time has been able to remove the root causes of his problems.
Des now understands why so many people develop violent, substance abusive and suicidal behaviors, and why many young people can't cope with the responsibilities that come with raising their own children, and why some kids in schools are affected more than others when it comes to bullying.
I am engaging a social media and email marketing specialist, as I am better gifted in doing personal presentations that has been beneficial in getting people to purchase my books at these events.
I am unaware of any other books that are alike Without Love I Am Nothing and like my personal presentation health care professionals and some educators have reinforced this as they see the information provided as quite unique. I suppose someone has to be first.
Over many years educators, scientists, governments and medical practitioners have come up with various strategies to help young children to function in a manner that they consider “proper behavior.”
Despite undertaking many years of study and spending massive amounts of funding, there appears to be little, if any, progress. In fact, ground seems to have been lost instead of gained. This could be due to the lack of acceptance by our decision-makers that the most powerful ingredient, application, or strategy appears to have been overlooked – that is simply “Love” itself.
One of the greatest fears people have is to lose someone they love, especially one of their children, due to suicide. Unfortunately, many end their lives this way. Often unless it happens to someone close to us, then we would rather not concern ourselves with such terrible events. Throughout the world today, there are many young children who self harm and or take their lives. Many adults do as well and it is often due to events in their lives that occurred while they were kids.
You can turn away now if you wish. You might find this book a bit too confronting. However, it is not as frightening as the thought that, by not reading this book, you may miss an opportunity to learn how you might equip yourself to save a life by learning to identify those behavior patterns that people at risk, especially kids, are likely to portray.
* Over 1 million people die by suicide worldwide each year.
* The global suicide rate is 16 per 100,000 populations.
* On average, one person dies by suicide every 40 seconds somewhere in the
* 1.8% of worldwide deaths are suicides.
* Global suicide rates have increased by 60% in the past 45 years.
(Information sourced online at Suicide.org. Suicide Prevention, Awareness and Support)
As devastating and frustrating as it may be for family members of these victims of suicide, it also should also be a concern for governments, educators and members of the public. Who is to know which young person is next? It could quite easily be one of your own children, grandchildren, nephews, nieces or next-door neighbors.
What is it that drives these people to commit suicide? What is it that overwhelms them to the point where ending their lives appears to be the only option available to them, or where they would rather end their lives than get help to deal with their problems.
It cannot only be the fact that some of these people have an addiction to drugs and alcohol that leads to, influences, or alters their normal state of mind, even though statistics suggest that a number of people are heavily influenced by these factors.
Often the reasons they become addicted to those things are that they are trying to mask or escape from pain, or have issues in their lives that they cannot deal with alone and because they do not know how to seek help.
Given the ages of some of the kids who choose to end their lives, it is also unlikely that they have been the victims of huge financial losses from investments, have businesses going broke, or difficulties with gambling issues.
One might also assume that stresses due to work or their own failed marriages cannot be the reasons either. So what might be their reasons?
The scenarios mentioned above are often the reasons given as to why adults commit suicide. However, these situations are not reasons why young people choose to die at their own hand. Maybe they do not know that anyone cares enough to listen to them when they have a problem, or perhaps they do not feel encouraged to discuss the stuff that bothers them. These reasons and many more unanswered questions prompted me to write this book.
As I sat in a shopping mall food court enjoying a cup of coffee one morning, I looked up to see an old woman in a wheel chair being wheeled by a nurse alongside a table near where I was sitting. Just at that same moment, a young mother was pushing a stroller with a newborn baby inside, up to a table on the other side of me.
The contrast in these people’s lives was significant to me at the time, in that here was someone who was nearing the end of their life, suffering with disease or from old age, and another life just beginning. What stood out to me the most was that both needed care, someone to look after them and guide them, and to help sustain them in their daily living.
In between these two stages of living, there is a road on which many get lost. They lose the care and support needed to sustain their own existence. Many never get to be the old person at the end of this road. Some never get far past the stage of childhood due to circumstances that they encounter along their short, but sometimes, tumultuous life journey. When someone dies by an act of their own will, especially if that person is a child or young teenager, the impact it has on those around them is often far more devastating than most people could ever imagine.
The guilt that some carry as a result of such a traumatic experience may even cause siblings or other people such as close friends to follow the same path.
• Some kids may believe they are responsible for the death of their loved one; because of hurt they caused, or perhaps because they failed to showed how much they loved them!
• This could contribute to the decision to end their lives.
• Maybe they do not feel loved!
• Maybe they feel unwanted and useless!
• Maybe they are told they are useless and good for nothing!
• Maybe they just cannot see a way out of their past or present circumstance, which prevents them seeing a future for themselves!
When a kid takes his or her own life, there is often much speculation as to why they did it. “Probably on drugs,” or “More than likely carrying guilt for something they did wrong,” some may say. “Always in trouble, better off now anyway” others may suggest. These kinds of statements make it obvious that often people cannot deal with the real reasons behind such actions. They may prefer not to discuss it. There can be so much emotion surrounding such deaths, so much emotion that they try to forget it or bury it as quickly as possible.
Recently I met a family in which one of the two sons took his own life a few years earlier. His parents are about sixty years old and their surviving son is around thirty-five. It was so difficult for the father of this young man who died that he will not allow his wife or their surviving son to talk about their loss at anytime. This does not mean that he does not care; rather that he cannot handle the emotion that is attached to this tragic event. This father is a former navy man. Perhaps his reaction is consistent with the mindset of many men around this age group. To show emotion, to cry or express hurt feelings, is a sign of weakness.
This attitude is proving to be more harmful long term than the process of openly grieving and sharing their inner most thoughts.
Chapter 8 Senseless Slaughter
I mentioned earlier that there are a number of kids who self harm or commit suicide during their school years. What should also be of grave concern is the number of horrendous acts of murder-suicide that take place by students who have gone on the rampage with high powered weapons.
As I prepare this book for publishing, I awaken this day, the 17th of April 2007, to hear the news that a gunman killed 33 students of the Virginia Tech University, creating history as the bloodiest school shooting spree in the United States of America.
Another such incident that comes to mind is that involving 18- year old Scott Moody from Ohio in the United States of America. In May of 2005, Scott, armed with a .22 caliber rifle shot and killed his grandparents, then killed his mother and two family friends.
Prior to turning his weapon on himself to take his own life, Scott also shot and wounded his younger sister. This young man was about to graduate from high school and appeared to have his whole life in front of him.. The law enforcement officers who investigated this tragic event were at a loss as to understand why this happened. Chances are they will never know.
On the 24th of April 2003, a student at Red Lion high school in Pennsylvania shot and killed his principal and then himself. More tragedies also took place in
January of 1992 when two senior students at Greenwich High school were found shot to death in an apparent murder-suicide. These guys were good friends, and it seems likely that they may have fulfilled a pact to end their lives together.
You have to wonder what it was that pushed these guys to take this tragic action instead of seeking help from someone qualified to help them through their problems.
During March of 1998 in Arkansas, eleven- year old Andrew Golden and his friend Mitchell Johnson who was thirteen years old, dressed up in battle camouflage. They stole a van, armed themselves with handguns and rifles and then made their way to a spot in the woods adjacent to the school. Somehow they managed to set off a fire alarm at the school. As teachers and students ran to safety, they opened fire, killing four girls and a teacher, and wounding ten others.
In October of 1997 in Mississippi, a sixteen year old boy named Luke Woodham stabbed his mother to death, then went to his school and opened fire with a rifle killing two of his classmates and wounding seven others.
Another shocking event took place in December of 1997. This tragedy involved fourteen year old Michael Carneal, in the state of Kentucky, who sprayed rounds from a .22 caliber rifle into a group of school children attending a prayer meeting. Three young girls were killed, and five others were wounded. Several investigations took place and it was discovered that virtually all of these kids who had carried out these horrific acts of violence had been teased, beaten and called horrible names by other students over long periods of time.
Unfortunately, it appears that they allowed the hatred to build up inside of them, eventually leading them to carry out such lethal acts of revenge.
I suppose there is another good case here for the use of forgiveness. If these children were working through their problems, then these incidents may not have occurred. If only these kids had been taught the principles of forgiveness, encouraged to come forward and tell of their hurtful experiences, then things might have worked out differently.
I am in no way attempting to pass any blame of these incidents on to the parents or guardians of these obviously damaged young people.
Many people relate violent school tragedies to just American schools. In fact, these incidents are becoming more widespread in other countries throughout the world. In 2008, there were two such incidents involving mass murders at educational facilities in Finland. In July of 2011, the world was shocked at the killing rampage in Norway, carried out by a lone gunman.
There are also more and more incidents of knife-wielding teenagers attacking students in school playgrounds in Australian schools. Some kids carry knives today like most of us carried combs in our school days. It seems that the knife is becoming a standard accessory for young people inside and outside schools.
One has to wonder how long it will be before guns are introduced as a standard weapon for dealing with expressions of anger and revenge. It may not just be a matter of if this happens, but more like when, unless the anger that is stored up in kids is dealt with quickly. Not everyone responds to what is perceived as "bullying" in a violent manner. There is a possibility that those who respond in this way may have earlier experienced significant rejection or abuse in their lives. These kids tend to be loners and isolate themselves believing they are not worthy of good friendships. They are often targets for gangs who try to outdo each other by seeing who can beat them the worse. This type of treatment only fuels their already low self-esteem leading to self-harm or violent behavior against themselves and/or others.
When a young guy was asked recently him why he cut himself (he had horrible scars up and down both arms) he responded by saying "If I do it to myself, then it is less likely that I would do it to others." Unfortunately, there are some around who do not adopt this unselfish attitude. On the other hand, I have come across young high school students who have been exposed to teasing and bullying from classmates, similar to some of those who have experienced significant rejection and or abuse. To these students, it has been like "water off a ducks back," as they have been affirmed by loved ones as they were growing up, and are confident in their self worth.