Seize fear as a catalyst for propelling you on a great adventure.
Leaving behind the lies that spiraled out of control and unaware of the magic awaiting me - I leaped into the terrifying, dark chasm of uncertainty and boarded the plane.
Ended
Learn how to dump your past and embrace fear because the trek into the great unknown is far less scary than you think.
“Change is scary, but you know what is scarier? Allowing fear to stop you from growing, evolving, and progressing.” - Mandy Hale
Leaving behind the crushing lies that spiraled out of control - and unaware of the magic awaiting me - I leaped into the terrifying, dark chasm of uncertainty. Knowing fully well there were absolutely no guarantees, I boarded the plane to Belgium.
Growing up in Iowa, my adolescence wasn't just characterized by the stereotypical Friday night football games and homecoming parades, but it had been plagued by my mother's infidelity. I, her 13-year old daughter, was charged to keep her secret hidden until one night the burden of grief became too much to bear. That was the beginning to their relationship’s dismal end. The lies no longer weighed heavy on my heart, but that did not offer any solace to the rejection I felt at home. My mother felt betrayed and my father thought I was creating unwarranted drama. It wasn't until years later he threw in his white flag and finally let his high school sweetheart run off with her lover. My parent's melodrama set the stage for my early twenties. Having marred my vision of a healthy relationship, I was left grasping for affection from every angle.
One day, I woke up from the daze I was living in, realizing it was a complete lie. My heart was crushed to find out my boyfriend got engaged the day before he broke up with me. This slap in the face forced me to open my eyes to all the red flags, his addictions, my exhaustingly long working hours and stagnant career. I had been naive. The harsh reality I then faced head on revealed to me, more clearly than anything, that I was no longer living the life I had envisioned. I was stuck. I stopped dreaming. I had put in so much of myself in a man, that what remained of me was a sorry figure of a woman.
Moving abroad was a change and an investment. Leaving behind all the familiarity and security I once called home, life started when I dared say goodbye to my past.
I set out on a mission to be selfish, to follow my hopes and all my desires. I had been dependent long enough and had to shed the hurt and fear that only served to cripple me. I sought to redefine my life. Living out of a backpack was liberating. Trekking across Europe, I met individuals who inspired me, taught me lessons about what life could and should be like.
In this inspirational travel memoir, I share my life’s experiences growing up in small town middle America to landing on the international stage in Brussels, Belgium and Barcelona, Spain. Having been shaped by the misgivings of toxic parents to realizing my worth through a failed relationship, I ultimately won. I paved the life of my dreams through challenging circumstances and want to help others do the same.
Prelude
For months I traveled across Europe but had never been lost, not until one day on a wine tour of Tuscany, when the paradigm of my life hit home, I was lost in more ways than one.
Chapter One: Not So Different
The trauma of my past reared its ugly head only to enlighten me to the fact I was committed to yet another toxic relationship. Settling for less than I deserved. The universe slapped me in the face, only figuratively of course, making me aware of the lies that would give me no better reason to turn and run.
Chapter Two: American Dreams
Was I on my way to having all? I thought I was, it was someone else’s bar I was trying to live up to and seek approval.
Chapter 3: Band Aids & Open Wounds
Letting go of the past is no easy feat, but holding onto resentment is like nurturing a tumor that only seeks to devour you.
Chapter Four: Party for One
I was drawn to the bad boy types, the ones that always left me feeling not good enough. I was having a hard time deciding which to follow, my head or my heart.
Chapter Five: Learning to Love
I had coasted through life long enough. Arriving in Poland to local hospitality, I discovered so much about myself and how much I still needed to grow.
Chapter 6: Gentle Kindness
Reconnecting with an old friend I had met on my previous travels showed me that he had more faith in me than I had in myself. This needed to change.
Chapter Seven: Trusting Strangers
A chance meeting in Krakow found me sailing off the coast of Croatia later that summer making plans to uproot my life in the US.
Chapter Eight: Going Home
When I referenced home, I was no longer envisioning cornfields and Friday night football games, or the sunsets over the deserts in Arizona, but rather I felt drawn to the community of friends I had made in Brussels that welcomed me like family.
Chapter Nine: Why Belgium
Whether out of fear or jealousy, the naysayers tried to detour me off my new path. I had to break up with these past relationships with individuals that no longer propelled me forward in order to fully embrace the future.
Chapter Ten: Lessons in Magic
Creating life altering change takes patience and persistence. I wasn’t given a golden ticket allowing me to stay in Belgium. I had to go through the immigration process like so many others wanting to start again.
Chapter Eleven: The Truth Within
Incongruent living is exhausting. When I finally started to fully know and accept myself without judgement, I decided to leave the job that sponsored my visa to stay in Belgium and, in doing so, I was investing in my own professional ambitions. It was at this time I met “him.”
Chapter Twelve: An Unexpected Goodbye
Rushing to my aunt’s bedside in San Antonio, Texas, she was battling an uphill battle with cancer that would not be won. This solemn visit to a woman that was more a mother to me than my own, served to remind me that I needed to make time for those I loved most.
Chapter Thirteen: What Our Future Holds
I had become my own artist. I was creating a new life with the perfect man that would take me across Europe.
Chapter Fourteen: A Bruised Ego
Rejection wasn’t the end, but only the beginning. Appearing before the Belgian Immigration authorities tested my resolve to commit to my own happiness and the life I was building.
Chapter Fifteen: Living in the Present
Living in Barcelona, friends from Phoenix came to visit triggering a whirl of emotions.
Chapter Sixteen: Definitions
A new yoga student from San Francisco taught me lessons on how I identified myself and what image I portrayed to others.
Chapter Seventeen: Dreaming with Eyes Wide Open
In eight short months we were contemplating forever.
Chapter Eighteen: Potential Abounds
From feeling jailed in an unhealthy relationship to living life as an expat, in just three years my life had no resemblance to what it once was.
Big Time Journey of a Small Town Girl is written for women aged 18-55, Millennials and Generation Xers that feel stuck. So often we find ourselves compromising in life, working at jobs that are less than satisfying, staying in a “comfortable” or convenient relationship, ignoring our own health and well-being at the expense of taking care of others. We live in an era where we live vicariously through others and their social media accounts rather than taking the risk and making a glamorous lifestyle of our own. Coming from a small farm town of 900 residents in rural Iowa, demonstrates to all those women that are settling for a life less than what they aspire or deserve, that they too can branch out into the world, wherever that may be, and make it their own.
In the United States the self-help market was worth $9.9 billion in 2016 and was forecasted a gain of 5.6 % from 2016-2022, where it would reach a net worth of $13.2 billion. While traditionally the sector was sought out by Baby Boomers who favored experts and gurus like Tony Robbins, Wayne Dyer, Deepak Chopra and Oprah Winfrey, times have changed. Today, Boomers are still present and engaged, but many of the older “teachers” are passing. Millennials are now the largest market and represent the target population as reported by Marketdata LLC. Of these individuals, women are more invested in consuming products and services catered to self-improvement. Publishers Weekly identified gains in readership/sales 18% higher in 2017 than the year before. In 2016, Forbes reported 94% of 18-33 year olds had committed to making self-improvement compared to 84% of baby boomers and 81% of Generation Xers.
Emily will first and foremost utilize her network of connections across the globe to host book launch parties in the United States, United Kingdom and Europe.
Emily has been teaching yoga and meditation for eight years, beginning in Phoenix, AZ. Since 2013, she has been living abroad, teaching internationally and as such, has connections with yoga communities, students and studios in the following countries: Belgium, Ireland, Italy, The Netherlands, Poland, Spain, UK and USA.
Professional Website http://emilydawnyogaandwellness.com/
Emily is currently working with both a graphic designer, Alexandra Vintilă and a videographer, Florencia Reolon, to create a launch campaign through various social media channels. She will provide free how-to guides on her website to generate leads and grow her mailing list. In order to create more buzz, Emily will run competitions on Facebook and Instagram, working to inspire women through posting travel pictures and videos with a dedicated hashtag, offering free copies of the book, online how-to podcasts and digital download guides, raffling off in-person yoga classes, one-on-one remote meditations and one meditation retreat in the US.
Contributor
Emails
Reach: 5000 contacts
Social Media
Individual Accounts 6,080+ friends/followers
Groups 50,000 followers
Instagram 1060 followers
LinkedIn 8,700 connections
Professional References
Joshua Coburn, Founder Manners & Motivation, Public Speaker, Life Coach, Author, & Partner with Please Line Clothing
JR Martinez, actor, best-selling author, motivational speaker, advocate & wounded U.S. Army veteran
Online Media
Impact Makers and Business Innovators Radio, Stewart Andrew Alexander Impact Makers Radio Interview
People on the Grid Interview with Katrina Logie People on the Grid Interview
Book Talk on KGNU, Diane Corte, host
On Travel Radio, Paul Lasley and Elizabeth Harryman http://www.ontravel.com/
You Tube PodcastEmily Szajda Channel
Video Book Trailer Produced by Florencia Reolon https://es.l inkedin.com/in/florencia-reolon-yarza-aa271a3a/en
At present these are the individuals, schools and businesses Emily is already working with to arrange events to promote the publishing of the book:
+ Author proposes a national speaking book tour to promote the book in collaboration with these venues.
+ Author will self-promote by contacting newspapers, magazines and radio and TV stations.
Wild: From Lost to Found on the Pacific Crest Trail. Cheryl Strayed (Alfred A Knopf, 2012, Biography, Autobiography, Travel)
Cheryl Strayed thought she had lost everything. After her mother’s death her family was fragmented and her marriage was nearing its end. With no experience or training, she made an impetuous decision, driven only by blind will, she would set out to hike more than a thousand miles of the Pacific Crest Trail from the Mojave Desert through California and Oregon to Washington State—and she would tackle this feat alone. This story documents her life’s adventure and growth through the experience.
Under the Tuscan Sun. Frances Mayes (Random House, 1996 Biography, Travel)
Frances Mayes—accomplished poet, gourmet cook, and travel writer—welcomes the reader on a wonderful adventure when she up and decides to buy and restore an abandoned villa in the spectacular Tuscan countryside. Her descriptive tone invites the reader to indulge in her quest to discover Italy through exquisite meals and romantic encounters with beautiful men as she sets out to restart her life in a foreign country.
Eat, Pray, Love. Elizabeth Gilbert (Penguin Books, 2006 Memoir)
Elizabeth Gilbert, in her early thirties, had it all, everything a modern American woman was presumed to want--husband, large home, successful career--but instead of feeling happy and content, she felt overwhelmed by it all. Crippled by her divorce and a dark depression, Gilbert regained her sense of self through travel. Gilbert seeks to find her grounding by exploring three different cultures: opulence in Italy, devotion in India, and on the Indonesian island of Bali, a balance between worldly pleasure and divine clarity, effort and surrender.
Three Questions: Because a quarter-life crisis needs answers. Meagan Adele Lopez (Self Published, 2012)
This is a love story based loosely on the author’s own romance with a fellow from Bristol. The relationship traverses continents through letters and delves into a quarter-life crisis, a road trip to Vegas, and two crazy BFFs.
Find Your Happy, an Inspirational Guide to Loving Life to Its Fullest. Shannon Keller (Balboa Press, 2012)
Sharing her personal experiences and understanding, Shannon is able to bring forth universal wisdom and truths to the reader. Shannon's book is a salutary adventure that will transform the way you see yourself and your place in the world. Get ready to fall in love with your entire life -Robyn Griggs Lawrence, author of The Wabi-Sabi House. Being stuck and feeling as if you are trapped is inevitable part of life. Whether you are stuck in a job going nowhere, a bad relationship, or self-defeating patterns, Find Your Happy provides solutions to help the reader move forward in life.
Emily Szajda is a chef, writer, yoga instructor and sports nutritionist. From growing up in Iowa to moving to Belgium, her story attests, you can achieve that which you aspire.
500 copies • Partial manuscript • Looking for broad topics with a long-term appeal, including novels, memoirs, and collections of short stories, poems, and essays.
Adelaide Books, LLC is a New York-based independent company dedicated to publishing literary fiction and creative nonfiction. It was founded in July 2017 as an imprint of the Adelaide Literary Magazine. We are members of the Independent Book Publishers Association-IBPA.
250 copies • Completed manuscript.
Atlantic Publishing has been providing millions of readers information to jumpstart their careers, start businesses, manage employees, invest, plan for retirement, learn technologies, build relationships, and live rewarding, fulfilling lives. Our award-winning authors and publication staff strive to make our products the best and most up-to-date available. We go further than most publishers to get our customers the best products.
100 copies • Completed manuscript
Braughler Books is a hybrid publishing company, offering customized book publishing guidance services and consultations to first time and repeat authors alike. We work one-on-one in a collaborative fashion with authors to help them publish a high-quality book, using a blend of traditional and digital printing methods, as well as electronic publishing and distribution. If it's your first time publishing, we'll be sure to answer your questions and point out the ones you didn't know to ask. And if you have been down the publishing path before, we'll have more direct discussions about what worked for you and didn't, and how to build on and improve from your last experience. Regardless of whether it's your first time or third time publishing, you'll have a partner there for you to reach out to as you continue to grow your audience and seek new opportunities.
250 copies • Partial manuscript.
Cranthorpe Millner operates a hybrid publishing model. This means, should an author pass our editors’ strict filtering system, we can offer different kinds of agreements depending on the author and the manuscript. With some authors, we work under a ‘traditional’ model, whereby we cover the full cost of publication and the author is offered industry-standard royalties (8-10%). To some authors, we offer what we call a partnership or contributory agreement, whereby the author is asked for a financial contribution so that we may share the risk and enter into a partnership together to publish the author’s book. In this case, the author receives around 60-75% royalties.
500 copies • Completed manuscript.
Emerald Lake Books is a hybrid publishing company that provides a unique blend of business coaching with publishing to help its authors succeed, whether it’s their first book or their fiftieth! Emerald Lake Books specializes in working with positive people who have an engaging, exciting, or entertaining message to share with the world. Using a unique, goal-oriented approach to publishing, we combine our business and publishing knowledge to help our authors set and attain goals for their readers, their brands, and their books. And many of those books have gone on to win international awards and recognition.
250 copies • Completed manuscript.
i2i Publishing was founded by Lionel Ross and asks for a small financial contribution towards costs.
250 copies • Completed manuscript.
Isabella Media Inc is a Rhode Island-based, family-owned, mainline publishing organization with a mission to discover unknown stories. We combine unknown or little known authors’ undiscovered potential with Isabella Media Inc’s unique approach to publishing to provide the highest quality books to readers about stories they may not find anywhere else. It’s our desire to find unique stories that drive us.
250 copies • Completed manuscript.
Koehler Books is an Indie publisher based in Virginia Beach, Virginia. Our team of dedicated professionals promises you a holistic publishing experience where you'll receive our full attention, collaboration, and coaching every step of the way. We offer two publishing models: a traditional non-fee model for the highest quality work, as well as a co-publishing model that includes creative development fees for emerging authors. Our titles are broad-based and include nearly every major non-fiction and fiction genre.
Why Publish with RJPP?
The book business is a difficult pursuit. Especially for an Independent writer. The decision to go it alone and self-publish, or go with a small press is strictly an individual business decision. Hiring professional freelance resources like editors, cover designers, and formatters can be daunting enough. Let alone that dreaded marketing and promotion. All of that takes precious time away from what you could be doing. Writing!
With an experienced Literary Agent, award-winning Author, publicist, and publisher like RJ Parker, you don't have to do it alone. RJPP offers years of success and reputation to represent you and your work. Ask yourself, “Do I want to succeed? Is my book worthy of reaping all it is worth and then some?” If you take pride in your work and want to excel to the top, RJ Parker will implement his years of knowledge and skills learned as an industry leader in marketing to get your work into the hands of the people who matter.
What about the nitty-gritty financial workings?
We don't pay advances as a traditional firm does. (which in this business, an advance is used against royalties before you get paid) BUT, we DO pay a much higher royalty rate AND you get paid every month! The standard industry royalty rate is 12-16%. We pay 50% to established writers, and 40% to new authors. (New authors will pay a setup fee). For the majority of authors, we pay the cost of editing, cover artist, ISBN number, formatting, etc.
Interested?
If you are looking for mediocrity or status quo, RJ Parker may not be a good fit for you. However, Parker is a go-getter in the industry who will not cease until he makes your dreams become your reality!
Please send your proposal to agent@rjparkerpublishing.com and include:
Book Title
Book Description
Synopsis (what your book is about and why you think it’s a good fit with RJPP)
A brief bio, including your city of residence, and publication history
First two chapters
Dear Author,
You worked hard to write your manuscript, and you know that expert assistance is needed to ready it for the market. But perhaps you didn’t realize that working with a publisher is no longer necessary—especially publishers who charge fees to produce your book upfront and "share" more of your revenue whenever a book is sold.
1106 Design is an author services company that has served over 4,000 authors since 2001. We offer all the editorial and design services you’d expect from a publisher, transforming your manuscript into a polished book. But here's the difference: we help you secure print-on-demand printing and worldwide distribution in YOUR name. This means you'll earn several dollars more for every book sold instead of a meager “royalty” and never lose control of your book or your book files.
We understand that your book is not just a passion project but also a potential source of income. No two books or authors are alike. That's why we'll customize a package of services tailored to your needs at affordable prices, starting at $5,555. And here's the best part: after this one-time investment, every penny of revenue from book sales is deposited directly to your bank account, never to ours first.
If this sounds like a better way to publish your book, I invite you to browse our services, design samples, no-surprises pricing, outstanding customer reviews, and educational articles at https://1106design.com. You can download a free PDF of my book, "Publish Like the Pros: A Brief Guide to Quality Self-Publishing and an Insider's Look at a Misunderstood Industry," and request a free, no-obligation consultation.
1106 Design is rated A+ by the Better Business Bureau. We are a “Highly Recommended Expert” at IngramSpark.com and rated "Excellent" at Alli, The Alliance for Independent Authors, at SelfPublishingAdvice.org. Alli's "watchdog list" of the best and worst publishing services companies is an invaluable resource.
How can we serve you today?
Sincerely,
Michele DeFilippo, owner
250 copies • Partial manuscript.
Atmosphere Press is an independent publisher dedicated to author rights. We publish in all genres and have an exceptional editorial, design, and promotional staff. We stand for Honesty, Transparency, Professionalism, and Kindness. We want our authors and their readers to be blown away when they first hold that book in their hands. It needs to look good inside and out, and feel good to the touch. And, of course, the words need to be top-notch, and our editors are devoted to making that the case.
250 copies • Partial manuscript.
Authors Unite helps you become a profitable author and make an impact. We take care of printing and distribution through major online retailers, developmental editing, and proofreading with unlimited revisions. We take care of the entire process for you from book cover design all the way to set up your backend so all your book royalties go straight to your bank account. We can also help with ghostwriting if you prefer not to have to figure out all the steps on how to write a book yourself.
With our book marketing services, you don’t need to worry about figuring out all the steps on how to market a book or how to become a bestselling author. We’ve helped hundreds of authors become bestselling authors on Amazon, USA Today, and The Wall Street Journal. We take care of the entire book launch process for you to help you sell thousands of copies of your book and become a bestselling author.
View case studies here: https://authorsunite.com
100 copies • Partial manuscript.
Bookmobile provides book printing, graphic design, and other resources to support book publishers in an ever-changing environment. Superior quality, excellent customer service, flexibility, and timely turnarounds have attracted nearly 1,000 satisfied clients to Bookmobile, including trade houses, university presses, independent publishers, museums, galleries, artists, and more. In addition, we manage eBook conversions and produce galleys, and regularly provide short-run reprints of 750 copies or fewer for major publishers such as Graywolf Press.
100 copies • Completed manuscript.
eBooks2go, Inc. was founded in 2011 to provide the missing link for all your publishing needs. Our end-to-end solutions provide the guidance and support that enable publishers and independent authors to pursue their passions. To date, we have helped more than 1,000 authors and 250 publishers worldwide. We offer an array of simple and affordable solutions to assist self-publishing authors at every stage of the book publishing process. Our comprehensive service offering includes editing, print and eBook production, book marketing, cover designs, ISBN registration, and even website designs. We are a single source for all of your publishing needs.
100 copies • Completed manuscript.
Happy Self Publishing has helped 500+ authors to get their books self-published, hit the #1 position in the Amazon bestseller charts, and also establish their author website & brand to grow their business. And the best thing is, we do all this without taking away your rights and royalties. Let's schedule a call to discuss the next steps in your book project: www.meetme.so/jyotsnaramachandran
Bestsellers are great. Long-term sellers are even better. We'll help you do both.
Project Bestseller is about creating bestsellers. More importantly, it’s about building author platforms and long-term success. We’re building books that sell well over time, generate income for their authors, and create a lasting impact for their readers.
How? The surface answer to this question is:
- crafting each book for maximum appeal to readers
- editing, design, and production with quality to match or exceed traditional publishers
- building an author platform to build loyalty and reach
- optimizing marketing elements such as keywords, categories, and sales copy
- leveraging promotion and advertising to generate sales at a profit
A deeper answer is: with strategy, curiosity, and intense passion.
Why? We believe good books should sell. If you're like most of our clients, you have a big vision for your book. It represents you. It says something about who you are. Now you’re ready for it to start touching lives.
You can probably think of half a dozen books that have become part of the grain of your life, because they gave you exactly what you needed at the time—whether it was a feeling, an experience, a different perspective, or just the information you needed to unlock your next possibility.
Now it's your turn. We can help you impact your readers with your book. It's what we do.
We've been helping authors finish and publish their books since 2012. Services include: ghostwriting, editing, cover design, book design, formatting, publishing guidance, launch planning, marketing.
ShieldCrest are book publishers based in the UK who fill that vital gap for talented authors where mainstream publishers are unwilling to give them that chance. We strive for excellence and invest in our authors and are listed in FreeIndex as the number one independent publisher in the UK for price quality and service rated author satisfaction. We publish books of all genres including; fiction, historical, biographies and children's books.
ShieldCrest publishing continues to grow rapidly with satisfied authors throughout the UK and overseas. Our range of products includes paperbacks, hardbacks and digitised e-books in all formats used globally in the myriad of e-readers.
In addition to the above, ShieldCrest provides a complete range of services including book design and layout, illustrations, proof reading and editing. For marketing we offer author web page, press releases, social media marketing packages and many other support services to help both first time and experienced authors get their books into the market quickly and maximise on the opportunities available.
These services enable us to guide our authors through the process as we transform their manuscript into a professional book, which can take its place with pride next to any famous author's book of the same genre.
The staff at ShieldCrest have many years experience in the book industry and this wealth of experience is put at the disposal of our authors.
Our clients include established authors such as Diane Marshall who has been acclaimed as the best writing talent to come from Scotland for years by The Scotsman newspaper, and Prof Donald Longmore OBE, who performed the first heart transplant in the UK and has sold thousands of medical books used by students throughout the world. We also recently released "Martin Foran-The Forgotten Man" by J.R. Stephenson, which features fraud within the police, abuse within the prison service and injustices in the courts and has been featured in the press and on TV.
“Every dreamer knows it is entirely possible to be homesick for a place you’ve never been to, perhaps more homesick than for familiar ground.” –Judith Thurmane
“I have no idea where we are,”was all that I could think as I turned down yet another passageway leading in a direction that I knew didn’t seem quite right. Through a series of twists and turns down ancient streets and tiny back alleys, I reluctantly donned the white flag. I was lost. Trying to retrace my footsteps along cobblestone streets, I realized I may have let my guard down, not paying adequate attention to the landmarks that, like bread-crumbs, could lead us back to our tour group’s meeting point. Who knew that Sienna’s historical city center was a labyrinth of secret passages and remote corners, red brick buildings offering little way of distinguishing one from another? Each building embodied centuries of history within its walls. Breathtaking of course, but timeless beauty and eternal charm didn’t offer any aid when what we really needed was a map.
I didn’t know why I kept trying to decipher Italian, as I stared up at the street names etched into white stone tiles. The street of the merchants, the street for the tailors, they all made little sense to me as we strayed deeper into the heart of the old city center, a maze of picturesque Roman ways, which only the locals could navigate without wandering off course. We had drifted away from the rest of our large tour group in hopes of finding fresh fruit from a small local stall nestled down some cozy corridor leading to yet another primitive artifact or ornate façade.
Laura and I had sought a light lunch. It was sweltering outside, beads of sweat dripped from my brow. In this heat, it was hard to imagine joining the others for the pre-ordered three course meal that would of course include a plate of delectable handmade pasta with a mouthwatering sauce of tomatoes so fresh that you could taste the warmth of the Tuscan sun nurturing the vine. The Italian kitchen has no rival. Yes, the French could contend that their cuisine is more sophisticated with the likes of Escoffier and Paul Bocuse, but for me, if I were tempted to indulge in fresh pasta every day I would never tire. Not to mention I haven’t the slightest will to pass up Italian desserts, homemade tiramisu, panna cotta and gelato made of toasted pistachios, all so satisfying it’s difficult to show any self-restraint. But we didn’t indulge in those. With an hour set aside for lunch, our agenda was on schedule, leaving us no time for the wise and much admired afternoon siesta required after such a feast. We were on a guided wine tour through the sumptuous Tuscan countryside, for goodness sake. Why fill up on carbs when there were more tantalizing elixirs to indulge in?
Back to our conquest to find a bundle of succulent grapes, the fruit of the gods, as though Tellus, the Roman god of the earth, would miraculously emerge and satisfy our meager request. A relatively easy task considering we were in Italy. You would think there were open air markets on every street corner, but this romanticized image was not reality. We searched high and low, asking merchants and locals only to be pointed in some far off direction away from the hustling crowds of tourists. Finally, we arrived at the prize, a local shop stocked full of regional produce, our destination. The old man behind the counter shuffled his feet, taking his time as we patiently waited. He tied up the bundles of grapes in two brown paper bags, and as we paid, Laura looked at her wristwatch. Such a simple task had taken much longer than anticipated. Slowly we came to realize, looking around at the tenderly kept houses with tiny window boxes full of fresh, soft pink roses and ivory hydrangeas, we hadn’t the slightest idea how to get back to the groups’ meeting point.
In all my travels, I could proudly say I have never gotten lost, not truly lost at least, up until now.
But as the sun beat down on our naked shoulders, even lost, we took a moment to grab a handful of grapes, so perfect in both shape and color, a vibrant hue of violet so exquisite that when biting into the tender flesh, the grape released a sweetness that can only be likened to the divine. The delicate taste of summer forever lingered on my lips.
It is occasions like these that make life worth living. This was the epiphany that I had reached after the thousands of miles I had travelled and the numerous countries I had visited. It didn’t matter where you are from or where exactly you are going, but the details, the stories in between the lines make the bigger picture more complete. I wasn’t ready to head back and face reality. I liked it out here, even if I wasn’t quite sure where here was exactly.
I had set out on this adventure months ago on a quest for self-discovery, similar to so many others. I wasn’t the first nor would I be the last woman seeking refuge from a devastating heart break. I wasn’t trying to run into the arms of another man, to be swooped off my feet in yet another relationship. I knew that would only be a Band-Aid covering up the larger wound, and that it would never properly fix the damage that had been done. I had needed this time out on my own to regain that sense of self that I inherently lost when our relationship came to an abrupt end.
Getting lost in Tuscany was in short a comedic parody of my life at the moment. For months, I had been carelessly gallivanting around Europe with no compass to guide me. It was a complete change from the life I had once known managing fine dining restaurants and working for a prominent resort back in the United States. From a very young age I had been taught to be the responsible type, never the vagabond. My father had instilled these ethics in me, having been led by his example. He taught me to work hard and that in doing so I would be successful. In Phoenix, Arizona, my last place of residence before taking the time to travel, I was considered the woman in-the-know, educated, successful, and driven.
That is until I woke up unexpectedly one day from the daze I was living in to find I was nothing like that girl I used to know. I had been dating a man for nearly five years, and somewhere in the midst of falling head-over-heels in love, I started to lose the drive for greatness that I had once possessed. When I found myself on the losing end of a horrible relationship that was stained with lies and deceit, it was too late. The harm had already been done. I was no longer following the path I had intended to be on. I had realistic dreams. I wanted to earn my post graduate degree, to live abroad and to someday own my own business. But somewhere I wandered astray, and every day seemed like the same old routine, an anticlimactic scene from the movie Groundhog Day.
Being lost had a whole new meaning. I had hit a crossroads in my life, and there was no turning back. I had to move on and press forward, start living more fully. What that meant I hadn’t the slightest clue. I just knew I had to be selfish for a while. For the greater part of our relationship, I had given of myself for the betterment of the relationship without asking anything in return. I was tired and felt I had been mistreated. The time had come that I needed to reinvest in myself, to put myself first.
Instead of losing myself figuratively in a relationship, I needed to lose myself in the world. I needed to remove myself from the comforts of home, of security or complacency in order to discover what made me tick, what motivated me.
When Laura and I found ourselves in this silly quandary that day in Sienna, I found myself laughing. A quest for fruit, go figure. I asked to roam free, to get lost in the world and sure enough the universe handed it to me on a silver Etruscan platter. Don’t go throwing wishes around, choose wisely and be more objective, the universe was saying.
We were short on time and far from finding our way, but hey, there were alternatives. Catching the tour would be the easiest and most productive. All I knew was that I didn’t want to miss out on an indulgent afternoon of sipping wine in one of the most renowned regions of the world. A girl has to have priorities, right?! Taking the train wasn’t for me. I was on a mission; the wine enthusiast inside me would not miss out on her share of the lot. Laura was on the same page, fairly cool-headed, so we started to make progress. Reaching for the red headsets we had stashed away in our purses it was clear that we still might make the tour. Sporting the not-so-fashionable headset in Italy was the least of our concerns. What mattered most was that we were starting to think more strategically about how to overcome the misadventure we found ourselves in.
The signal was faint; we looked like that guy on the television commercial advertising cell phones, “Can you hear me now?” but there wasn’t anyone on the other end of the line. Maybe, just maybe the guided tour had already started and we would soon be in range of the broadcast. This would be the much needed clue to complete the puzzle. The whole afternoon felt like this staged performance that was meant to teach me yet another life lesson.
In almost a blazing sprint, well, maybe not that fast because we were weaving our way through the masses, dodging elbows, we were making headway. We heard the faintest muffled sounds from the headsets as we looked at one another. The tour had started. We stopped, trying to find the direction where the signal got stronger. We looked like we were caught in a cage, two steps one way, we decided that was not quite right, so we took three in the other until we identified the direction we needed to head. Before long we could hear the entire program clear as day, and we turned the corner only to run straight into the thirty plus other members in our group with the same identifiable red headsets.
What a sight! We were short on breath and my heart was beating out of my chest, like a drum keeping the rhythm of the march. The tension and worry vanquished as a warm breeze swept it off into the distant hills. We had arrived.
~~~
My travels had taken me on a road map across Western Europe, from Poland to Ireland, Belgium to Croatia and many places in between. I met a wealth of individuals who were once strangers, but I could now call close friends. I was like a child with eyes wide open seeing the world for the first time with awe and wonderment. I continue to explore and live my life abroad in this way.
I was searching for something at the time, but I didn’t know what I would find, until out of the darkness it found me. From dismal lows where I didn’t feel like getting out of bed in the morning to incredible highs like the time I felt like I was on top on the world, standing on the cliff’s edge on Croagh Patrick overlooking the tiny islands that dotted the West Coast of Ireland, I finally experienced what it truly meant to live, to put oneself out in the middle of life’s beautiful chaos, and to be okay in the midst of change. Yes, I was lost, and I am glad I was. Losing myself in my failed relationship wasn’t the end of the world, nor was having hit a stale moment in my career, but it was exactly what I needed. There was so much more that I had not even figured into my equation. Life is a series of experiences, good and bad, meant to make you wager between the two, to become aware and live up to your innate potential.
I had stopped dreaming, and that had caused me great anxiety. Only to find that it wasn’t permanent. Since I was a little girl I had an amazing imagination and determination to go against the norm, to be different in the face of conformity, to write my own legacy. I thank my ex-boyfriend for the gift he had given to me. He set me free to dream again, to find my place of peace, to change into the woman I was yet to become.
Join me on my journey.
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Thanks for sharing your story, Emily. Can’t wait to read it!
Thank you Tiffany!
you're absolutely and amazingly wonderful.. best wishes beautiful.
Thank you Ellie for giving me the inspiration!
So excited for you!
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So excited to read
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If anyone asks, the Victor Public Library will have a copy.
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Good luck Emily! React for the stars. You deserve it!
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❤ Wishing you well from your hometown, Victor! Eric and Heidi Van Buren
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Just purchased your book. Can't wait to read!
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You got this!!!!! Love ya
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Can't wait to get your book!!
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Counting down to receiving my copy of Big Time Journey of a Small Town Girl. All the best!
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on Jan. 15, 2019, 4:56 p.m.
Excited to read this book!
on Jan. 17, 2019, 7:06 p.m.
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