Billy Bullshit is so obsessed by buzzwords that he only ever speaks using bullshit phrases - pop that in your mental microwave and see how it defrosts!
Ended
The Book Concept:
We have co-written a comedy / business book about a character called Billy Bullshit (think of a mixture of David Brent and a contestant on ‘The Apprentice’) who is so obsessed by buzzwords that he only ever speaks using bullshit phrases / idioms… pop that in your mental microwave and see how it defrosts.
Billy works in the marketing department of a toy manufacturer – his official title is ‘Chief Guru of Imagineering’. We put him into various work situations (in the boardroom, on a conference call, running a workshop, delivering a presentation, participating in a brainstorm session etc.) which we feel our readers will identify with. We all know someone like Billy and, dare I say it, there is probably a little bit of Billy in all of us. This book takes the clichés to an extreme to create a character you will simply love to hate.
We follow him through a year in his life and the interactions he has with his co-workers, bosses and clients whilst trying to launch a new (somewhat flawed) toy…
We envisage that this book would be marketed as a fun Xmas gift (such as the Enid Blyton spoof ‘Five Go On A Strategy Away Day’).
The foreword is written by BAFTA Award winning writer Tim Reid.
The reader will recognise and resonate with many of the scenarios and phrases but the main value to the reader will be readily 'digest-able' content and a romp of a read!
52 short work based scenarios, with Billy in-situ spouting business nonsense and then a translation following.
One scenario and translation per page.
Table of contents:
1. Billy Bullshit in a Brainstorming
2. Billy Bullshit does a Briefing
3. Billy Bullshit sends an Email
4. Billy Bullshit on a Client Dinner
5. Billy Bullshit leads an Interview
6. Billy Bullshit on a Conference Call
7. Billy Bullshit on a Corporate Away Day
8. Billy Bullshit conducts a Performance Review
9. Billy Bullshit reports the Quarterly Numbers
10. Billy Bullshit runs a Sales Meeting
11. Billy Bullshit at the Office Christmas Party
12. Billy Bullshit pulls a Sickie
13. Billy Bullshit publishes an Article
14. Billy Bullshit gives the team a New Year Pep Talk
15. Billy Bullshit welcomes a New Recruit
16. Billy Bullshit reviews a Presentation
17. Billy Bullshit runs a Town Hall
18. Billy Bullshit chats to the New Receptionist
19. Billy Bullshit asks for a Pay Rise
20. Billy Bullshit works on a New Business Pitch
21. Billy Bullshit at the LGBT Council Meeting
22. Billy Bullshit meets with Procurement
23. Billy Bullshit works from Home
24. Billy Bullshit meets a Prospect on a Plane
25. Billy Bullshit gives a Conference Keynote Speech
26. Billy Bullshit meets with the PR Team
27. Billy Bullshit answers a Customer Complaint
28. Billy Bullshit briefs an Online Campaign
29. Billy Bullshit does a Radio Interview
30. Billy Bullshit talks to the IT Department
31. Billy Bullshit rants at the Intern
32. Billy Bullshit gives a Press Statement
33. Billy Bullshit on a Golf Day
34. Billy Bullshit closes the Sale
35. Billy Bullshit in a Product Review Meeting
36. Billy Bullshit is interviewed on the Business News
37. Billy Bullshit bumps into an Ex-Colleague
38. Billy Bullshit Fires Someone
39. Billy Bullshit accepts an Industry Award
40. Billy Bullshit gets rid of a Supplier
41. Billy Bullshit loses his shit with the Client Services Team
42. Billy Bullshit receives a HR Complaint
43. Billy Bullshit mentors a Graduate
44. Billy Bullshit Apologises
45. Billy Bullshit speaks to a Headhunter
46. Billy Bullshit negotiates with a New Partner
47. Billy Bullshit gets Cold Called
48. Billy Bullshit tries Social Selling
49. Billy Bullshit chats to the Chairman
50. Billy Bullshit at a Sexual Harrassment Hearing
51. Billy Bullshit gets Fired
52. Billy Bullshit speaks to his Family
Given the huge (and varied) response from the crowdsourcing piece which we wrote on LinkedIn in August 2016, we believe the target audience would come from a broad selection of business communities. The article (entitled ‘Which Business Bullshit phrases annoy you the most?”) attracted over 200,000 views, 5000+ likes / shares and 2,000+ comments offering additional suggestions. It was also picked up and republished by Inc.com (we have no statistics on that piece but given its global reach the audience is estimated at circa 250,000).
Given the analytics interface on LinkedIn, we can see that the people interacting with the content were extremely varied (anything from Accountants to Zoologists). The top 5 industries responding to the article we’re I.T (21%), Advertising & Marketing (12%), Financial Services (9%), Computer Software (7%) and Recruitment (5%).
In terms of geography, the book will appeal mostly to English-speaking markets. From the analytics provided by LinkedIn, we know that the main audience has been from North America (44% - New York, Chicago, San Francisco, Boston, Atlanta and Dallas predominantly) followed by the UK (14%) and Australia (11%).
Primary Markets:
We see the book primarily as a gift item – it will make the perfect Christmas stocking filler, table present or Secret Santa. Senior management, mid-level employees, confused graduates etc. Everyone moans about the BS used in their job at some point, and this book will be bought by their friends and family members as a fun, tongue-in-cheek perspective on corporate life. The reasonable price point will make it affordable for many year-round occasions.
Secondary markets
Fathers Day, Mothers Day and Valentines Day are further opportunities as well as birthdays. It would also be an ideal Corporate Gift for a whole variety of industries (possibly even bespoke versions for certain industries, such as ‘Billy Bullshit talks I.T’ or ‘Billy Bullshit Talks Banking’ etc.) This is also the perfect book for the corporate traveller who would see it in the airport bookshop and pick up a copy for the flight – highly relatable and easily digestible on a plane ride.
Topic and Commercial Validation:
We published an article on Linkedin in August 2016 to a) validate the topic and b) crowdsource content – the response was exceptional, both validating that this topic is in high demand and is commercially viable for publication.
Furthermore, competitive books exist and continue to move sales volume year on year
Stats and Exposure:
200,000+ views/likes/shares via Linkedin and other platforms
2000+ comments and suggestions
Inc. published a feature on the article (~1.5m views)*
Business World published the article (no stats available)
* Estimated by Inc. publisher
Co-authored by Mike Adams (contributor to Men's Health, GQ, Leaderonomics and CEO.com) and Steve Blakeman (contributor for both Forbes and Inc.).
Mike is an international keynote speaker, investor & advisor. He is also the author of The Intrepid CEO. Trust me, he knows a thing or two about bullshit!
Steve's day job is as an adman and he has been a Top 10 Writer on LinkedIn for the past 3 years (he has also published a book on how he did it). He has 250,000 Followers on LinkedIn and guest writes for both Forbes and Inc.
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250 copies • Completed manuscript.
Koehler Books is an Indie publisher based in Virginia Beach, Virginia. Our team of dedicated professionals promises you a holistic publishing experience where you'll receive our full attention, collaboration, and coaching every step of the way. We offer two publishing models: a traditional non-fee model for the highest quality work, as well as a co-publishing model that includes creative development fees for emerging authors. Our titles are broad-based and include nearly every major non-fiction and fiction genre.
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250 copies • Completed manuscript.
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Panoma Press is based in the UK and is an award-winning independent publisher of 200+ license and translation deals negotiated for our authors, 50+ awards won by our authors and their books, and we sell books in thousands of bricks and mortar stores and online retailers, not just Amazon!
The History
Prodigy Publishing Group was founded in 2009 and has been steadily publishing distinguishable trade paperback fiction since. Its flagship imprint Prodigy Gold Books is spearheading its journey with a fall 2017 line up that includes four novels by four authors sure to delight readers. Prodigy Gold Books is dedicated to publishing a variety of must-read books on a wide array of topics and genres.
The Mission
Our mission is to showcase established voices and to introduce emerging new ones—both fiction and nonfiction genres.
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250 copies • Partial manuscript.
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250 copies • Partial manuscript.
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Crescendo Publishing is a boutique-style, concierge VIP publishing company assisting entrepreneur authors with writing, publishing, and promoting their books for the purposes of lead-generation and achieving global platform growth, then monetizing it for even more income opportunities.
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Happy Self Publishing has helped 500+ authors to get their books self-published, hit the #1 position in the Amazon bestseller charts, and also establish their author website & brand to grow their business. And the best thing is, we do all this without taking away your rights and royalties. Let's schedule a call to discuss the next steps in your book project: www.meetme.so/jyotsnaramachandran
ShieldCrest are book publishers based in the UK who fill that vital gap for talented authors where mainstream publishers are unwilling to give them that chance. We strive for excellence and invest in our authors and are listed in FreeIndex as the number one independent publisher in the UK for price quality and service rated author satisfaction. We publish books of all genres including; fiction, historical, biographies and children's books.
ShieldCrest publishing continues to grow rapidly with satisfied authors throughout the UK and overseas. Our range of products includes paperbacks, hardbacks and digitised e-books in all formats used globally in the myriad of e-readers.
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1. Billy Bullshit in a Brainstorming
Tuesday 4th October 9.31am
I’m happy to dive in here and offer some blue-sky thinking. Straight out of the box, we need to address the elephant in the room. Or is it an 800 pound gorilla? Either way, we are not comparing apples with apples here, it’s more like apples with grapefruit. The dipstick research suggests we need to do a deeper dive on the ‘Croc-o-Dial’ fun phone issues before we can decide on the deliverables. It is what it is for now but going forward we need to grab the bull by the balls to get us off this burning platform. I don’t really know what I want yet but when I see it I will know exactly what it is. Come on it’s not rocket science guys. We just need an overarching, on-trend insight that is a real game changer. A scalable, soup to nuts solution that can market our secret sauce. And if that soup tastes good then just stop adding ingredients. Am I right? Or am I right?
Translation: Everyone is talking bollocks (as usual) so I’m going to have to rescue the situation by myself (as usual). There is a big problem here. A very big problem. The ‘Croc-o-Dial’ fun phone isn’t much fun as it appears to have a design flaw – it bites off kids fingertips. That 5 minute Google search you did on the problem isn’t sufficient basis to make any informed decisions. You are going to have to do some proper research which will hopefully stop a full recall. Once you have the right information you will still need to fabricate a story that the consumer might actually swallow. Oh and stop overcomplicating it with those useless pie charts that have absolutely nothing to do with the matter in hand.
2. Billy Bullshit does a Briefing
Wednesday 12th October 5.01pm
I have a hard stop in 30 minutes so lets hit the ground running. It goes without saying that you will be in the trenches on the ‘Urban Terror Wrist’ development. It’s a cluster fuck. Let me paint you a picture. The timeline is tight, there’s lot’s of moving parts and we need more bang for our buck. You’ve got to make this sucker pop because we really need to land this one. It’s a gilt-edged opportunity to generate some new news and at the same time make you famous. Come on, it’s just Marketing 101 chaps. So get started with the pre-planning, there’s no time to lose. Put your shoulder to the wheel and don’t forget, perfection is the enemy of good. Shoot for the moon guys and if you miss you will still land in the stars. You feel me?
Translation: I’m leaving here in half an hour whether you like it or not, so stop pissing around and we can get started. I take great delight in saying that you are going to be working all hours on this nightmare project whilst I will be conspicuously absent for the entire duration. We need a big hit given the ‘Croc-o-Dial’ fiasco.There is clearly not enough time to complete this complex project and the client basically wants it done for free. It’s an impossible task, which is why I am dangling the carrot of fame and fortune (both are lies as I will take all the credit if it’s any good and blame it all on you if it’s garbage). Anyway whatever you produce better demonstrate some originality but given your collective grade B in Art that won’t be a problem will it? So get on with it you lazy bastards and try to deliver something better than the usual crap you churn out.
3. Billy Bullshit sends an Email
Thursday 20th October 8.49pm
Hey Bobby boy, I’m pinging your inbox because our Head of People person has reached out to me to kickstart a dialogue with you following the rather lacklustre sales on the ‘Croc-o-Dial’ launch which you were personally responsible for. Let’s be candid, I need to circle back and close the loop with you on the cadence of your core competencies. Can I be frank Bobbo? I know you have been caught up in the weeds but you don’t seem to want to drink from the company fire hose. Our ecosystem dictates that we have to eat our own dog food but we feel like we are flogging a dead horse with you Bobsy. Taking the helicopter view, you don’t give it 110%. Full disclosure? We really need you to lean in, ladder up and level set. If that’s not on-point then we will need to explore some opportunities for separation as we progress with our ongoing right-sizing of the organization. I will swing by tomorrow Bobino so we can formulate an action plan.
Translation: Bob, you don’t fit in here. No one likes you. Not even the nice lady in HR. And you totally cocked up on the ‘Croc-o-Dial’ launch. Pack your cardboard boxes because tomorrow is your last day buddy.
Hi there,
We are very pleased to say that we are about to ship your copy of Billy Bullshit!
We know the wait has been …
Firstly an apology. The launch of Billy has been delayed (Steve wasn't well, the lightweight) so we had to put the brakes on for a …
Hi there,
Thank you for your book order!! Billy is chuffed and can’t wait to rain a thought shower of wisdom onto you!
A situation …
This is a great book! No BS!
This is for Blakeman. You know what to do next.
Congratulations!!! =)
Good stuff guys!! Here's hoping the proverbial fan blows all this good shit far and wide!
Mike Adams is the king of bullshit. I know that from first hand experience.
I’d like the long suffering wife to be called Jane Davies. Cheers.
Can’t wait for my copy!
Can't wait to read it, I got the "almost a 6-pack" because I want copies to hand out at the next Motorola Solutions Roadshow, and well...it reminds me of 6-packs of beer....I like beer. No not really...I drink rum. Either way...I drink.
Looking forward to reading this! I have one in my office FOR SURE!!! :P
Hi Steve, congratulations on your new book it was great working with you at OMD. I m looking foward to reading it!
So excited to read Billy Bullshit and giggle at how much it likely represents the language within many corporate offices. Let's inspire the world to cut the bullshit and keep things simple stupid so we don't confuse each other.
Sally A Illingworth
Looking forward to extended wisdom from the brilliant business writer I've been following for a long time on LinkedIn, Steve Blakeman.
The world needs more satire. I hope you hit your #s for the pre-order!
Looking forward to it
Hi Guys,
I'm looking forward to reading your book, and see how it helps me define a better business strategy.
Cheers,
Ricardo.
Great work guys-- would love to story board some ideas with you but we can take that offline
Can’t believe i spent money on this Bullshit!
$12! This better be good 😁
$12
41 readers
Lets face it, the world is a digital ecosystem. Tech-preneurs like you want electronic, mobile content; DL-able straight onto your device. Pre-order your digi-e-book here now and get ahead of the curve.
Includes:
$15
17 readers
Paperback books are the old e-books and retro is in baby. Ok so they might be analog but they smell nicer than a digital version, you can drop it without breaking and they are much easier to gift wrap.
These are gonna sell like proverbial hotcakes and we have a pre-order limit of just 100 copies so if you want to get your hands on a bonafide first edition of Billy Bullsh!t you better get signed up pronto...
Includes:
$20
19 readers
This edition of the book will be personally signed by both authors...which will be a logistical feat given that the co-authors have not ever met in person (true story) and live 1000s of miles apart....as to how we will manage this...no idea. We build it as we fly it! Pre-order your signed copies now and let us figure out the small stuff like the details...
Anyhoo just imagine how much a signed first edition could be worth in the future... you don't want to miss out again like you did with JK Rowling do you?
Includes:
$60
9 readers
Here is your classic five-pack of books. One for you and four every bathroom in your house. Alternatively, that's Christmas, Valentines Day, Birthday, Easter and Anniversary all taken care of. Alternatively, give a copy to your mates. Guaranteed laughs and a unique gift. That's a win:win:win
Includes:
$75
0 readers
We all have an office Billy Bullshitter...or maybe more. You know, the person who insists on talking flim-flam and corporate buzz-waffle in meetings. So why not give them the credit that they are clearly yearning for? An official 'Billy Bullshit Certificate for Talking Total Bollocks at Work' along with a signed copy of the book. I dare say it may be hard to only limit it to one office award... so we suggest you just buy more for all your budding Billy's.
Includes:
$100
3 readers
Buy a 10-pack and become an official Patron of Billy Bullsh!t...what does this actually mean? You will be named in the book as a 'Chief Patron of Bullshit' and from here the sky is the limit. Once you have popped this accollade on your CV and LinkedIn profile you can expect media interviews, after-dinner speaking engagements and product endorsements to roll your way.
You will be celebrated across the globe, talked about in hushed tones in the corridors of power and people will applaud wildly as you enter rooms...
Are you wo-man enough? Do it.
Includes:
$200
2 readers
We have five characters in the book who need to be named. Why not have one of them named after your husband, your wife, your client, a colleague...or even your boss?
Available characters:
Billy's boss, the CEO
The Receptionist
Billy's wife
The LGBT Chair
Billy's client on a plane
Etch their name into eternity with a truly unique gift for the businessman or businesswoman who has everything (except being named in a book). A gift that money cannot buy - unless you have $200 and then you can.
Pre-order now - strictly only 5 available.
As an added bonus the 5 lucky pre-orderers will get first dibs on naming 5 characters in the sequel
Includes:
$300
1 reader
Your board level management team need this book. Why? Because its the nuts. Consider it a manual for navigating the corporate jungle. You wouldn't want your board making decisions without first having read this.
15 books, all signed, ready to roll! Pre-order now so that all the board will finally know you have been laughing about during the AOB for the past few months...
Includes:
$500
0 readers
We like to think of this one as the Xmas party pack (minus the cable ties).
Looking for a unique gift for your clients and/or employees for the holiday season?
Something so special that money just can’t buy?
Well look no further because (to paraphrase the words of U2) you have finally found what you were looking for.
50 copies of BBTB and with a dedicated ‘Patron’ page in the book so you can send a heartfelt festive greeting to one and all. Or just use it to grandstand. Your choice.
Huh, so it turns out that you can actually buy something that money can’t buy. And it costs just $500 plus shipping. Who knew?
Includes:
$3000
0 readers
This book is a must read for your staff. I could right size you out of here if your leadership blind spot prevents you from buying this pack. Strap in, pack down, huddle in, scrummage your way to procurement and pre-order this NOW.
250 paperbacks in the hands of your peeps.
Whoosh!
Includes:
$6000
0 readers
Lets face it - the regional team gets together once a year to listen to boring execubabble and waffly PowerPoint gumph from your leadership. This year, give them something they will love you for. Thats right, a free copy of Billy Bullshit...now they can tick off the bullshit phrases that your leaders spout and actually listen to their speeches. You're welcome!
500 copies, paperback - hit the 'go' button baby!
Includes:
$10000
0 readers
Have one of the authors present at your next corporate event. Given they both keynote at events around the World and appear on mainstream media, its a surefire blend of humor, business smarts and loads and loads of bullshit! The scope of the speech can be tailored to suit your event demands. Up to 800 books included for your delegates.
All locations considered but preferably exotic ones where the 4G is a bit spotty so that we can pretend we are uncontactable.
Includes:
$100000
0 readers
This is the friggin steroid pack. The Moby Dick of bullshit. Only suitable for those with balls. Here is what you get:
- 3000 signed books for your clients, partners, staff and prospects
- Dedicated Patron page where you can write a personalised message, feature your corporate logo and blurb
- $25,000 donation to www.feedstarvingpeople.org - the author's charity
- Social media blast with us personally thanking you for your goodwill
- A very warm fuzzy feeling.
- Loads of boxes full of books.
Go on...I double dare you...pre order and make waves baby!
Includes:
on Aug. 1, 2018, 12:58 p.m.
Can't wait for Billy Bullsh!t 2.0, guys!